


come back... be here

by bilgegungoren00



Series: Lost and Found (A Karamel Story) [1]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: CADMUS - Freeform, Established Relationship, F/M, Flashbacks, Kidnapping, Torture, established KaraMel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-21
Updated: 2017-03-31
Packaged: 2018-09-10 20:49:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 17
Words: 67,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8938570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bilgegungoren00/pseuds/bilgegungoren00
Summary: Kara had thought she finally had managed to find true happiness. She'd had a sister and two amazing friends that had always been there for her, Snapper had finally started to value her work, and she'd been doing better than ever as Supergirl, helping innocent humans and aliens alike. Oh, and she'd had the best boyfriend she could ask for, Mon-El, who understood her in a way no one did, and whom she didn't have to hold back with.That is, until Mon-El is kidnapped. And now it falls on Kara's shoulders to find her boyfriend and figure out who's behind the kidnapping, as well as what they want. But the answers she gets may not be what she wanted...KaraMel AU(New chapter every Friday)





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys!
> 
> Sooooo, after writing 15+ KaraMel one-shots, I decided to try a multichapter one. This is just the prologue, just to set up the story, but I hope you like it, and I hope despite my exams I'll be able to write and post frequently! And I hope, even though it's just a prologue, that it's interesting :)
> 
> Enjoy!

Lillian Luthor stood in the terrace of the Cadmus Headquarters, staring at the night sky and the illuminating lights of National City far in the distance. She had her chestnut brown hair tied in a tight, formal updo, pairing it with a crisp white pencil skirt, a matching formal jacket and a dark black shirt. Despite the cold breeze, she didn’t shiver or wince as she sipped her coffee, ignoring for just a couple of moments what was going on inside. She could hear the screams of the newly captured alien even from there, which made her lips turn downwards in a grimace as she shook her head, not out of sympathy but out of disgust. She didn’t understand anyway how people could feel sympathy for such… _creatures_ , and how they couldn’t see the aliens had the power to take over the world and make slaves out of humans.

That knowledge had drawn her into Cadmus, after DEO had turned into a toy for aliens. While their job had once been protecting humans from aliens, it seemed like lately they’d been doing the reverse. However, if Lillian had to be honest, she wouldn’t expect something different from an organization that had an alien as a director. DEO had been corrupted, and now the weight of protecting humans had fallen on Cadmus’s shoulders. The only way to do that was getting rid of aliens altogether, without sparing any of them. Even _Supergirl_.

That was the root of the issue she was facing. While people weren’t that against the idea of containing or getting rid of aliens they didn’t know, Supergirl was a public figure. National City loved her, and saw her as a _hero_. Trying to get rid of her could be the end of Cadmus, and even if that didn’t happen they’d lose too much power to work properly. Lillian couldn’t risk doing that and losing the war against aliens. She _wouldn’t_ when human lives were in question.

However, she also couldn’t see how she could win the war without getting rid of Supergirl. She was one of the strongest aliens on earth, if not _the_ strongest. Even Cyborg Superman had failed to take her down, and Lillian didn’t really have the resources to send a strike team against her. Without kryptonite, the mission was a lost cause.

Except if…

“Mrs. Luthor?” Lillian slipped away from her thoughts with the voice of one of her employees, working in Intelligence. He was one of her most trustworthy ones, as he had proved to despise aliens just as much as Lillian did, and he was the one she trusted with this mission.

“Yes?” she answered coldly, without looking back as the young man walked up to him. He had a tablet in his hand, depicting the face of the alien Lillian was looking for.

“I think I found a way to capture him,” the young man said, maybe too excitedly. “However, I will need a—“

“Do it,” Lillian cut him, not really interested in the specifics. “Tell the others I gave you the permission to use as much resources as you require. But make sure you get the job done.” The young man’s smile was brilliant as he nodded.

“Don’t worry, ma’am, Mon-El of Daxam will be in our hands soon enough.” He left the terrace, leaving Lillian alone again, but this time a sly smile accompanied her face.

_Yes indeed_ , she thought. _And soon enough after him, Supergirl_.


	2. bring him home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow, I definitly wrote this way faster than I imagined! here's the first (official) chapter of the story, and hopefully you'll enjoy it. and please, please don't be shy to tell me what you think, I'd really appreciate your comments!

_One thing_   
_I learned when I was 20_   
_was that no matter where you are_   
_home is where the people you love are_

* * *

Kara was staring at the footage in front of her for some time now, watching it over and over again, her lips mumbling at Winn to replay it, yet she still couldn’t process what she saw. She couldn’t believe it. Or rather, she _didn’t_ want to believe it. How could… How could it happen again?

How could someone have captured Mon-El?

“Replay it,” she said again, probably for the fifth time, as Winn shot a worried glance at her.

“It’s not going to change, Kara,” he answered softly to her unvoiced question. “He is—“

“Replay it!” Kara yelled this time, her eyes not leaving the screen. “I have to see. I have to be _sure_.”

“We analyzed it. It’s definitely Mon-El.” Winn began explaining again, but Kara felt like she was in a whole different world. Everything around her felt hazy _expect_ that video.

It couldn’t be Mon-El. Even if it was the back of alien bar, even if it was around the time Mon-El left work, it just… She refused to believe it. Not when she’d finally had everything she wanted. She shook her head again and again, as if pure will could change the past and what had happened.

It didn’t. When Winn replayed the video, it still was Mon-El being drugged, it still was him dragged through the pavement in a black van, it still was him being driven off to… To somewhere that couldn’t be good news. She didn’t even know who kidnapped Mon-El or why, but this screamed evil even with that short security footage they had.

“Do… Do you know who they were? Is it Cadmus?” Winn shook his head desperately, punching some keys to the computer to shut the video.

“They’re the most likely choice, but we’re not sure. Ever since we captured Lillian and threw her into jail, Cadmus has given a break in their whole ‘let’s kill all the aliens’ mission.” Winn almost spat the words out, his usual humor gone from his voice and his face a serious mask with his knitted brows and lines on his forehead. Kara clenched her teeth as tears threatened her eyes. _No_ , she thought. _I won’t cry, not here. This… This is just a nightmare. It must be a nightmare_. “Supergirl?”

Kara snapped out of her stupor when Winn called her, his chin ducked to look at her face. Worry had etched into his figures as he grabbed Kara’s hand lightly, as if he was afraid she’d break down with just a little squeeze, despite being an invulnerable Kryptonian. Kara sure as hell felt like breaking down, especially when she thought…

“It can’t be him,” she whispered, shaking her head. “He’s okay,” _he has to be okay_ , “and he’s probably still at the alien bar or lost his way home or something.” She wasn’t even sure _who_ she was trying to convince. “It hasn’t even been three hours since he disappeared. I…I thought a missing person’s report wasn’t applied until 72 hours have passed.” Even _she_ knew she was being senseless, holding onto some nonexistent hope, but admitting Mon-El was kidnapped was like…admitting her normal life was gone. She didn’t exactly know how it happened, or she hadn’t even realized it had happened until the possibility stared right at her face, but she’d gotten used to him, and all of it. She’d finally tasted happiness, and she didn’t think she was ready to let it go.

“I don’t think that rule applies to aliens, especially when Cadmus is out there, and when there’s a footage of the…kidnapping.” His voice trailed off when he saw the expression on Kara’s face. She was holding on so hard not to cry, not to lose her mind or freak out, but it was so hard. She could only pretend it was all a nightmare for so long. Her lower lip were quivering as she bit it in a weak attempt to stop it, tears were welling up in her eyes, making it hard for her to see clearly, and her hands and knees shook so badly that it seemed like she could fall down any second. She tried to take a deep breath, relieving the excruciating pressure on her chest that felt like somebody had stabbed her with a shard of kryptonite. She couldn’t breathe, though, nor think, nor even _move_ as she felt someone’s hands on her arms. All the words that were said around her blended together, sounding like a huge lot of nonsense, as she felt the couch under her legs. Someone had her hands in his.

“Kara? Kara, look at me,” Winn was whispering, urging her back into the world. “Holy shit, please don’t tell me you’re having a panic attack. Can aliens have panic attacks?” He sounded so worried that it brought Kara back for a moment as she blinked several times, forcing her vision to come back.

“I’m not having a panic attack,” she croaked in an almost inaudible voice. Winn leaned down to look at her face, still not letting her hands go as he pressed his lips together.

“What?”

“I’m not having a panic attack.” This time, she sounded louder, but her voice was hollow. Even her actions were hollow. She just stared at the table in front of her, not noticing anything around her, but inside… She had no idea it was possible to feel so many horrible things at the same time, though she guessed why it wouldn’t be if it was possible to feel so many good things at the same time.

She remembered her first kiss with Mon-El. Why it was that moment she thought about, she couldn’t say, but it was the first moment she felt her heat flutter, her stomach fill with butterflies, and excitement buzzing through her veins all at the same time, all those feelings swirling inside. _The kiss we both pretended never happened_ , she thought with a bitter smile. It had been so unexpected for her, Mon-El just cupping her cheek softly, wiping away one tear with her thumb before he leaned forward and pressed his lips on hers. She’d been _sure_ he didn’t want to mate, but that kiss had shattered down all her beliefs.

“You look pale,” Winn stated, pushing back Kara’s hair. “Like, really pale. Do you want me to call Alex?”

“No, she must be sleeping. It isn’t even six a.m.” Shutting her eyes, she suddenly wanted to take the time back one hour, before Winn’s call woke her up, before he told her that Mon-El might’ve been kidnapped, before she found his side of the bed empty, rushed to the DEO praying Winn had been wrong and it was just a big mistake. In fact, she wanted to go back to the previous day, where Mon-El was pretty much alive and with her, where he kissed her goodbye going to work and telling her not to stay up—Fridays at the bar meant his shift would end pretty late—and she waving goodbye after him with a smile on her face, thinking how had she gotten so lucky that Mon-El’s pod crashed on earth.

“Maybe I shouldn’t have called you either,” Winn muttered to himself. “You need rest, you worked lat—“

“ _No_ ,” Kara cut in harshly, “I’m not resting until Mon-El is back. I’m helping.”

“How can you help?” Winn’s voice was soft was he pressed his lips together. “There really isn’t much we can do right now. We don’t have the plate of the car so we can’t follow it, and security footage isn’t enough. They might’ve taken Mon-El out of the city.”

“That doesn’t mean I can’t do anything.” Her objections sounded childish and stubborn even to her own ears, but she couldn’t just sit around and accept the fact that there was nothing they could do to bring Mon-El home. “I have to do _something_.”

“Kara…”

“No, you don’t understand. I have to bring him home. You can’t expect me to just sit around and wait for some lead.” Winn seemed like he had no idea what to say as he helplessly stared at Kara. She stood up abruptly, leaving Winn’s hand, ready to fly out and look at every single crook and nook at the city if there was a possibility Mon-El was there.

“Kara, Mon-El wouldn’t want you to do this,” Winn said quietly, so much so that if she didn’t have superhearing, there was no way she would hear that. Her steps faltered when he heard his words. _Mon-El wouldn’t want you to do this_ … Well, how did Winn _know_ Mon-El anyway? He wasn’t the one Mon-El was dating. He wasn’t the one that spent nights by Mon-El’s side, just talking about everything and nothing. He wasn’t the one Mon-El had opened up to, told how he was actually the _bastard_ prince of Daxam, and his brother had given up his life for him when Mon-El hadn’t given him back anything. He wasn’t the one that held Mon-El while he was crying, telling him that she forgave him, that she would always be by his side no matter.

And Winn definitely wasn’t the one Mon-El talked about how hard being an alien, and he wasn’t the one that understood Kara better than anyone. He wasn’t the person that she could talk about her alien problems, knowing full well that the listener knew what it was like. Winn didn’t know Mon-El in the way she did. He _couldn’t_ know what Mon-El would want. And he certainly didn’t know what it felt like when you lost the only person that made you feel at… _home_.

Rage shot through Kara’s veins as she whirled around, her vision reddening by the heat building up behind them. She had to hold her back so as not to heath glare Winn, yet she could see in his eyes that he could see the beginnings of it.

“Mon-El wouldn’t want that? _That_ is your excuse for me not going out?” She stepped forward, pointing outside. “He’s out there right now, Winn, Rao knows in what condition. He might be getting tortured, or he might be…” She couldn’t say the world as she swallowed hard, tears once again threatening her eyes. “Whatever it is, I know he’s scared, doesn’t know what to do, and the last thing he needs right now is me abandoning him. I can’t just leave him to his fate because there’s nothing to go on with. Even if it leads to nothing in the end, if there’s 1% chance I might find him by flying around the city, I _will_ do it. Because that is what he would’ve done for me. He would’ve never given up until I was back… _home_.” The last word came out cracked, only a whisper, and she was biting her lip so hard that she almost tasted blood.

Neither Winn nor Kara said anything as they stared at each other, Kara challenging him to stop her and Winn not knowing what to do with the whole situation. He shook his head at the end, giving up.

“Fine, go. Fly around until you tire yourself out, Kara. But know this: I might not know Mon-El as you do, but I know how much he cares about you, and that’s enough for me to know he wouldn’t want to ruin your life for him.” That was the last thing he said before he went to the computers, his shoulders slumped, and he started punching some codes as if they could get him the answer to all of his problems.

Kara stared at his back for a couple of moments more before turning to the terrace of the DEO and rushing out, leaping into the air. _I will find you, Mon-El_ , she promised herself, her X-ray vision tearing through every single building in the city. _And I will bring you home_.

* * *

“The cell seems to be holding, ma’am.” Lillian Luthor smiled at the image in front of her as she leaned forward, her hands resting on the table. The computer scenes in front of her showed the “cell” they’d prepared for their captive, and the said captive was now sitting down with his back to one of the walls, looking around to see where he was. However, since she’d helped with the design of the cell herself, she knew he would have no idea.

“Yes, it does. Thank you, Mr. Rhodes, you did a good job.” Mr. Rhodes beamed with her comment as he lowered his chin with respect, a smile playing on his lips. “Tell my assistant to raise your pay. And remember, this will strictly stay between us.” The last time Lillian had let Cadmus know what she was doing, Jeremiah Danvers had freed Supergirl and his little pet alien and, well, she wasn’t about to risk the same thing happening again. The less anyone knew about him, the better.

“Of course, ma’am. Thank you,” Mr. Rhodes said as he left, leaving Lillian alone. Activating the microphone and the voice changer, she sat on the chair with straightened shoulders, and reached for the microphone.

“It seems like you’re awake,” she inquired. From the way the alien reacted, jumping on his feet with wide eyes, she could see she got the effect he wanted. The alien was _scared_ , though he tried not to show it. A smile pulled Lillian’s lips.

“Who are you? What do you want from me?” he yelled, looking up and around, trying to decide where the voice was coming from. _Good_ , Lillian thought. _He doesn’t recognize me_.

“Well, I don’t want anything from you particularly,” she admitted nonchalantly, shrugging. “But it seems you make a pretty good bait.” The alien’s face went pale as his eyes traveled around the room again, desperately, helplessly, before he clenched his fists. Determination filled his eyes.

“You won’t get anything from me. You think you’re the only one who has friends?”

“Oh, I know _all_ about your friends,” she taunted, her eyes gleaming with the smooth progression of her plan. “What was her name? Supergirl, right?” This time, the alien considerably paled as he scowled.

“If you hurt her, I swear—“ he started, only to be cut off by Lillian.

“Oh, trust me, I won’t be the one to hurt her, Mon-El of Daxam.” That was the last thing she said before she shut off the microphone and the speaker, watching the alien’s wide, fearful eyes before she stood up and left the room, telling one of the two guards outside—two of her most trustworthy ones—to go in and keep an eye on their alien.

Now that they had their bait, the only thing they needed to figure out was how to use him.


	3. don't give up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!!!
> 
> Sorry this took kind of long, but I wanted to get a little bit ahead of schedule before I posted this chapter so in case anything happened and I couldn't write, I would still have something to post! I hope you like this chapter, and please let me know what you think about it, I'd really appreciate your comments and criticism!

_Kara closed her eyes as wind swept her hair away from her face, stroking her face as gentle but cold hands. Gripping the railing in front of her, she swallowed hard, urging herself to forget what had happened a week ago. She_ had to _forget. It wouldn’t help her to go back to that moment over and over again, thinking if she’d made the wrong choice hiding it from Mon-El, scurrying away from what they shared and what she felt about it. Because that kiss… That kiss felt_ good _. It felt better than anything she’d ever experienced before, even anything she’d shared with James. It wasn’t forced, it was…unexpected yet beautiful._

_She liked it. She liked it too much, and it scared her because there was a possibility that Mon-El was just hallucinating when he kissed her, or called her beautiful. Just that morning he’d made it clear he didn’t want to mate with Kara, his mind couldn’t have just changed in the couple of hours that passed…while he was unconscious. That just didn’t make sense._

_It wasn’t just that either. She was also afraid that if she did confess what had happened, she’d lose Mon-El. He obviously wasn’t long-term-relationship type of a guy, especially considering Daxam’s policy about relationships and forced marriages. It would make sense that he wouldn’t want any commitments, so she couldn’t imagine why he’d want to settle down with her._

_He wouldn’t, and Kara wasn’t ready to lose him. She loved being around him, she loved talking to him, because after all that time it felt like someone understood her completely. Mon-El knew what it felt like to lose an entire planet, he knew what it was like to be afraid of hurting people all the time, he knew what it felt like to pretend to be human,_ normal _, when actually their normal had gone away with their planets. She couldn’t throw her away because of her feelings. She couldn’t risk it._

_“I thought I’d find you here.” Kara glanced over her shoulder at Alex as she walked out to the terrace of DEO, her arms crossed over her chest. Kara frowned._

_“Alex? I thought you’d left.”_

_“I was gonna leave,” Alex admitted, walking next to her sister, “but then I realized there was something I meant to ask you.” That caught Kara’s attention as she turned to her sister._

_“Is something wrong?” Alex lifted her brow._

_“Depends. Is something wrong between you and Mon-El?” Kara’s eyes widened with Alex’s blunt question as blood rushed to her cheeks. She turned her eyes away, trying to hide how fast her heart was beating and how the question caught her off-guard, but Alex was too perceptive. She leaned forward. “There_ is _something wrong between you and Mon-El! I knew it!” Kara bit her lip._

_“Please don’t tell me it was that obvious.” That earned something between a laugh and a snort from Alex._

_“It was pretty damn obvious to me. Before Mon-El almost died, you guys were inseparable. You spent almost every spare time you had from DEO and CatCo with him. Now, you leave the room when he enters, you barely make eye contact with him or talk to him if you’re not forced to, and you do everything to avoid being alone with him. He isn’t much different, though, so maybe he haven’t noticed it.” Alex ducked her chin to look at her sister’s eyes. “Are you gonna tell me what happened?”_

_“We kissed,” Kara blurted out suddenly, not even knowing where the words came from. She’d never said it out loud before, and only then she’d realized everything people said about confessions was wrong: she certainly didn’t feel lighter. In fact, it felt like another load of weight fell on her shoulders._

_Alex seemed to be dumbstruck with Kara’s confession that she didn’t say anything at first. Kara glanced at her. “Did I mess up that badly?” Alex shut her mouth, shaking her head to snap out of her stupor._

_“No, I… I just wasn’t expecting that. Wow. That escalated quickly.”_

_“Please don’t make it seem more important than it is.” Alex scowled at her sister._

_“You kissing a guy isn’t important?”_

_“He kissed me,” Kara protested weakly, her voice trailing off at the last words. “But I kissed him back, so I guess it doesn’t matter.”_

_“Did you like it?” Alex asked, making Kara shoot a glare at her. “I get to ask that as your sister, right?”_

_“Well, he is hot, but…” Kara tried to change the subject when she felt Alex’s hand on her arm._

_“Don’t evade the question, Kara. It is important to me.” Kara didn’t know if it was the honesty in Alex’s eyes, or compassion, but she found herself shaking her head._

_“Yeah, I liked it,” she confessed, her shoulders slumping. “I liked it…a lot.”_

* * *

Kara’s hope was slowly crushing down with every last building she passed, with every room she scanned with her X-ray vision, with every couple she saw walking down the streets, every family having fun at home, every child laughing without a single worry about the world. There was a huge knot in her throat as she landed on a building to pull herself together. Her eyes were filled with tears again, tears that blurred her vision, and her body was shaking too harshly that she was afraid if she kept flying, she’d fall down.

_No, he’s here_ , she thought, her eyes scouring the cloudless morning sky and the rising sun as if they could give her an answer. They couldn’t have gotten too far away. She was just about to leap into air again, flying around the city for one last time after three failed attempts, when she heard a familiar voice coming from her comms. After her first scour around the city, Winn had given up trying to convince her to come back, but it wasn’t Winn.

It was Alex.

“Supergirl?” Her voice was soft and gentle, making Kara stop midair. She lowered herself onto the building again.

“Alex, I thought you were sleeping,” she said hollowly, her mind distracted with trying to think about where would the kidnappers hide an alien in National City. So far, every answer she’d come up with to that question had proved to be wrong.

“I was, but Winn called me. Besides, it’s almost nine a.m.” Kara’s brows shot up when she heard the time. Did that mean…that she was flying around the city for more than two hours? Her limbs, especially arms and legs, ached with agreement, protesting at her idea to continue looking for Mon-El. But how could she stop looking? How could she just let him…

“I have to continue looking,” more to herself than her sister. “I can’t leave him alone to the kidnappers. I have to find him.”

“No, you need to come back to the DEO,” Alex ordered despite the kindness in her voice. “We need you here.” Kara shook her head violently, not wanting to go back before finding Mon-El. She didn’t want to face the fact that she’d failed, that she couldn’t bring Mon-El back, but most of all she didn’t want to be in the DEO without _him_. She’d gotten used to him being around her, especially when she was Supergirl, that she didn’t want to face the fact that he was really…gone.

“I can’t come back before I find him.”

“Kara, you’re not gonna find him by flying around the city. Whoever captured him knew his weakness, they surely wouldn’t leave him out in the open for you to find him. I wouldn’t be surprised if they were keeping him in a lead lined prison cell.” _Two birds with one stone_ , Kara couldn’t help thinking. Mon-El was allergic to lead, so the prison would probably deplete him of his powers, and she also wouldn’t be able to see through the cell to locate him.

“So what?” she said with a hysterical laugh. “You expect me to just give up and come back? To stop looking for him?”

“I’m not asking that,” Alex corrected. “I’m saying this isn’t the right way to go about it. We need to make an action plan, we need to discover what really happened in the kidnapping, and we need to look for who’s behind it before we can find him. It’d been six hours since he was kidnapped, he could easily even be on a plane leaving the country.” Kara wanted to disagree. She wanted to keep looking until she found him, until she held him in her arms and make sure he was okay and he was with her. She needed him now more than ever.

But her sensible side knew what she wanted was impossible. The chances of her finding Mon-El flying around the city was as good as finding a needle in a haystack. She would never be able to get to him. Yet it still felt like she was leaving a part of her behind when she started flying, and instead of circling the city turned to the DEO.

Landing on the terrace, she found herself looking back, a smile appeared on her face. This was the place that she and Mon-El spent hours together when they needed to get away from everything. This was the place they shared their second kiss. This was the place their relationship had started for real, where she told Mon-El what dating meant on earth. That had been one of the happiest days of her life, and the smile on her lips hadn’t disappeared for one second.

Now, though, she was biting her lip hard enough that she almost tasted blood to keep her tears away. Once her chest had been filled with bliss, now all she felt was agony.

Shaking her head, she entered the DEO, and immediately Alex appeared in front of her. She accepted her embrace without fighting, her tears already streaming down her face, and she had to focus on holding her strength back so that she wouldn’t hurt Alex.

“I’m so sorry,” the agent whispered, stroking her hair. “I know how much he meant to you.” Kara nodded as she pulled back, wrapping her arms around her chest.

“We’re gonna find him,” she croaked weakly before clearing her throat. “We’re gonna get him back.” This time, he sounded more convincing.

“Yeah, we will,” Alex promised her with faith in her eyes before walking her to a couch. “We’re already working on it.” That was when Kara realized her sister was wearing her police gear, with a bulletproof vest and a gun tucked in her belt. She lifted her brow.

“Where are you going?”

“To the prison, to see Lillian Luthor.” Kara’s chest grumbled with rage when she heard that name, and shot up to her feet.

“I’m coming with you.”

“No,” Alex answered immediately. “Besides the fact that you’re in no place to go out, let alone for investigation, I think she would be more likely to talk to a human rather than an alien.” Alex grabbed Kara’s shoulder tightly, looking right into the Kryptonian’s eyes. “I promise you, the moment I find something I’ll tell you. But I need you to stay put for this, okay?” Biting her lip, Kara agreed in the end, although reluctantly. What Alex said made sense, and she needed to learn where Mon-El was more than being the one to find that out.

“Thank you, Alex,” she said gratefully before hugging her sister again. Alex returned the hug with a tight embrace—at least tight for a human—before pulling back.

“We’ll bring Mon-El back to you, okay?” she promised to her sister, and then rushed to meet with her team. Kara could only watch her go as she prayed Alex would be able to live up to her promise.

* * *

Mon-El had never felt so weak in his life, not even when he was back on Daxam. It felt like every cell in her body was sick or dying, and he didn’t even have the strength to lift her hand. It wasn’t like that when he first woke up in the cell, but slowly his strength had been drained off him.

It didn’t take a genius to figure out why. Lead. The prison walls were made of _lead_.

Groaning, he tried to push himself up to at least a sitting position, but it wasn’t working. Swallowing hard, he muttered a string of curses under his breath.

He didn’t know where he was. He didn’t even know how he had gotten here. The last thing he remembered was leaving the alien bar, and then somebody had grabbed him from behind and pressed something on his face. He couldn’t even fight back as his vision blurred and soon he was in darkness.

He woke up in the cell, not knowing how much time had passed. It could’ve been an hour or a day.

It was excruciating, not knowing what was going on with him. But what was more painful was that he didn’t know where Kara was either. He didn’t want her to come if she wasn’t captured. Whoever had taken him, they had the means to subdue him in a matter of seconds; they could have something to use against Kara as well.

If she wasn’t captured as well, that is. That was the thing that terrified him the most: The thought of Kara being captured and him not knowing about it. He wanted to help her, desperately, yet he didn’t know how. He was too weak. A true hero would’ve fought what was coming in his or her way, but he wasn’t a real hero. He couldn’t even fight his weakness.

That was the last thought in his mind before he fainted again.

* * *

Kara was anxiously pacing around the DEO when her sister came back. She had been counting down minutes, even seconds, and time seemed to be passing too slowly. She’d tried training, tried punching things, tried to help Winn and even work on her new article for CatCo, but it wasn’t working. She just couldn’t focus on anything.

That was why relief had literally washed over her when Alex entered the hall. Kara immediately turned to her, hope buzzing in her veins until she saw her sister’s expression. She didn’t seem happy or hopeful, she seemed…furious and desperate. That wasn’t what she wanted.

“What happened?” Kara asked almost fearfully, flying to her sister’s side. “What did she say?” Alex almost ripped off her bulletproof waist as she sighed.

“That’s the thing, she couldn’t say anything.” She looked up at sister, her teeth clenched. “Lillian Luthor has escaped from prison.”

* * *

_I won't give up on us_   
_Even if the skies get rough_   
_I'm giving you all my love_   
_I'm still looking up_

\- I Won’t Give Up by Jason Mraz


	4. compassion

Lillian Luthor sipped her coffee slowly as she sat in her car, watching the sunset with slight interest. Once she’d liked this time of the day, sun descending behind the mountains with a reddish glow, showering the sky with a blood bath. She always thought it showed the true nature of the sun: not beautiful, not warm, not pure; but deadly, hot, and stained. Sun could take life just as easy as it could give.

Just as the aliens had done on this earth.

It was the sun that gave them their power, gave _Supergirl_ her power. Because of the yellow sun of the earth she’d managed to fly, she was invincible, she had heath vision and freeze breath. As long as she’d had those qualities, and as long as they had no kryptonite, even an army couldn’t take her down.

_But the Daxamite can_ , Lillian thought, smiling. _He is strong enough, he knows how to fight, and best of all, Supergirl would never be able to hurt him_. It didn’t take a genius to guess how much she cared about the Daxamite, considering what she did to save him the last time they both were captured. In addition, Lillian had seen the footages of Supergirl and the Daxamite’s fights, as well as having a psychiatrist watch them: they were lovers. Lillian wasn’t that surprised really, of course the love of an alien would be an alien and not a human.

She didn’t let it bother her, though, since that was how they would get ahold of Supergirl, and get rid of her once and for all.

She was momentarily distracted by the approaching sound of a car, and her smile widened. Unlocking her doors, she stepped out, straightening up her metallic grey suit and black shirt. The hems of her pants almost brushed her high-heeled shoes as she watched the car stop next to hers. A man exited from the car, wearing a black suit and Ray-Ban sunglasses.

“Took you long enough,” Lillian inquired, raising her brows. “I was beginning to think you wouldn’t come.”

“I wasn’t going to,” the man said, taking off his sunglasses. His blue eyes were focused on Lillian’s, filled with apprehension, as he crossed his arms. “But I wanted to see if the rumors were true.”

“What rumors?” Lillian asked, interested. Being holed up in the Cadmus headquarters with the Daxamite kept her from keeping up with the news outside.

“That Lillian Luthor has really escaped from prison.” Lillian felt surprised, but didn’t let it show as a cold, sly smirk pulled her lips.

“So they finally had noticed that.” The man shrugged almost uninterestedly.

“They were bound to when you kidnapped Supergirl’s boyfriend.”

“Who says I’m the one that kidnapped him?” Lillian retorted, crossing her arms. The man snorted.

“Oh, please. Except me, there’s no one who could kidnap an alien, especially someone like that Daxamite, that easily. I knew it must be you or Cadmus under your orders.” Chuckling, Lillian shook her head, dropping her arms.

“I’m flattered. But that’s not why I came here.” Stepping forward, she stared intently at the man’s eyes. “I need something from you.”

“Why would I give you anything?” the man asked, dropping his arms to his side. “To a fugitive?” Lillian wasn’t even affected from his answer as she lifted her chin.

“Because you hate aliens as much as I do,” she told the man in a completely emotionless, professional tone. “And if you had the chance, I’m sure you’d like to get rid of them once and for all as well.” The expression on the man’s face after her words was enough for Lillian to know she’d had him in her grasp.

* * *

“For how long had she been gone?”

“The guards I interviewed don’t know, but they were just assigned to their work a couple of weeks ago, so it’s safe to assume it was around that time.”

“So what, you say Lillian Luthor bought all the guards, escaped from prison, and then replaced them so that it wouldn’t be known?”

“It’s very unlikely, but not impossible. Someone with her powers and resources could definitely buy off some guards, especially if they don’t like the idea of aliens. That’s going on a lot these days. Winn, can you access security footage of the prison since Lillian was captured?”

The conversation almost blurred in Kara’s mind as she couldn’t help overhearing it, despite being out in the terrace. As soon as Alex told her Lillian was gone, she’d lost it. She broke down, punched a wall and created a huge hole in it, and then afterwards stayed in the training room adjusted to her strength so that she wouldn’t punch open another hole. All the anger, frustration, pain in her had escaped, but those weren’t the one that filled her eyes with tears, those weren’t what crushed her heart, those weren’t what knotted her throat and make her feel sick to the bones. It was _guilt_ , like a two sided kryptonite sword, thrust inside her heart, the assailant twisting it every second, whispering in her ear. _It’s your fault, it’s your fault, it’s your fault._

Because it _was_ her fault. She should’ve made sure Lillian Luthor stayed in prison. She should’ve made sure Cadmus had been destroyed entirely before assuming they were safe. She should’ve stayed by Mon-El’s side and _protected_ him. All of this was on her.

And now, hearing everyone discussing Lillian’s absence, as if trying to shove it in her face that she’d failed, didn’t help. Yet she couldn’t just stop her superhearing and shut them out.

Giving up and sighing, she trotted back into the building, going immediately next to her friends. “I want to help,” she announced, her arms crossed. Her tears had stopped a while ago, yet her voice was still hoarse and strained. She cleared her throat before repeating her request.

“Supergirl, are you sure?” Alex asked tentatively, her eyes filled with worry and kindness. “Why don’t you just go home and—“

“No,” Kara objected almost immediately. She didn’t want to be anywhere that could remind her of Mon-El, which included the house they shared. It wouldn’t feel like home one bit. “It’s my boyfriend we’re talking about. I’m helping.” Alex opened her mouth to object, but Kara didn’t let her. “What would you have done if it was Maggie? Would you just sit around and wait for someone to find something, or would you want to do _anything_ in your power to get her back?” Alex fell silent, seemingly unable to find a satisfying answer to her sister’s question. Kara could see, however, in Alex’s eyes that she was right. Alex would never stop or sit down if it was Maggie that was kidnapped.

“I think Alex is right, Supergirl,” J’onn interrupted, though, before Kara could even say anything. “You’re not fit to go on a mission right now.”

“I’m perfectly fine,” the Kryptonian spat out, turning to the head of DEO.

“It wasn’t a request, it was an order,” J’onn said, his eyes never leaving Kara’s. “Your head’s not in the game, and I can’t allow you to go out in an unstable state.”

“I’m not unstable!” Kara snapped finally, spreading her arms. A laugh bubbled up her chest, but there was nothing humorous about it. “You can’t stop me from going out and trying to help my boyfriend.” The group would certainly keep arguing, especially with J’onn and Alex 100% against the idea of Kara going out, if it wasn’t for Winn’s sudden exclaim.

“Damn it!” Everyone turned to the young man as he slammed his palm on the table, rolling back on his chair. “It’s all gone.”

“What are you talking about?” Alex asked immediately, trying to stay calm. With a frustrated sigh, Winn turned to her.

“They deleted all the files about Lillian’s escape. This date—24th of December—is completely blank. No names of the guards in duty, no security footage, there isn’t even a sign of activity. It’s all blank.” _24 th of December_, Kara thought, biting her lip harshly. Right before Christmas. How convenient. It couldn’t be a coincidence that Lillian chose that date, the day she must’ve guessed DEO would be the least staffed and Supergirl would be… _busy_. She cursed under her breath, scolding herself for not being more careful, even if it was Christmas. She should’ve never let her guard down.

Of course, there was nothing she could do about it _now_.

“Can’t you recover it?” It was J’onn that asked the question. Winn shook his head helplessly.

“I can try, but it would take too much time, and it’s a high-security prison we’re talking about. They’re bound to notice it before I can get deep inside.” There was a crease above Winn’s eyebrows, making him seem ten years older. It hurt Kara to see him so distraught, especially because he was the one that somehow managed to always keep his humor. _I was wrong to yell at him about not knowing Mon-El_ , she desperately told herself. Maybe they weren’t as close as she and Mon-El were, but Winn was his friend as well. In fact, everyone in this room were friends with Mon-El, worrying about him in their own way.

That didn’t change the fact that they shouldn’t be stopping her from going out and help him, so she stopped herself before she apologized.

“What if we directly got it from superintendent?” Kara asked, interrupting the conversation. Winn glanced at her and lifted his brows.

“Supergirl, I don’t think he’d cave under police interrogation if he took the risk to conduct a prison escape.” Kara clenched her teeth, lifted her chin and fisted her hands, her gaze locked on Winn’s.

“Who said I was talking about police interrogation?” She could feel heat building up in her veins, behind her eyes, and the urge to punch someone came back. And oh, how good it would feel if that person was the prison superintendent.

“Supergirl, no—“ Alex tried to interrupt but the enraged Kryptonian didn’t let her.

“Will it work?” she asked Winn again, daring him to lie about it. Winn slouched down on his chair, his eyes filled with worry and fear at the same time. It reminded Kara of the time when she was affected with red kryptonite, and lost all sense of morality and inhibition. Well, she certainly didn’t feel anything holding her back now either, and Winn must be seeing it as well. He must’ve realized he wasn’t looking at Kara Danvers the reporter anymore, or even Supergirl, National City’s hero; he was looking at Kara Zor-El, the invincible Kryptonian who would stop at nothing to get her boyfriend back.

“Yes,” he whispered finally. “If he gives us access…” That was all Kara needed to know as she turned outside, ready to rush out. She didn’t want to waste one second.

J’onn stepped in front of her, his eyes shining with rage and discipline as he lifted his hands. “Supergirl, stay pu—“ Before he could finish his sentence, though, Kara grabbed him from the collar and threw him to the side with all her power. She saw J’onn flying in the building and crashing into a wall, creating a dent, yet she barely noticed it. She knew he wouldn’t get hurt, and she was beyond feeling sorry about her actions. She could apologize once she got Mon-El.

With that, she stepped outside and flew into the air, the voices of her sister and Winn calling her ringing in her ears.

* * *

_Kara felt herself stumbling back with Mon-El’s punch on her face, feeling a slight pain on her cheekbone. It was definitely way less strong than the last few ones, yet she could still feel the sting, and if_ she _could feel it, a human’s face bones would probably be broken immediately. She managed to pull herself together quickly, facing Mon-El, who was looking at her sheepishly._

_“Too strong again?” he asked. Kara sighed._

_“It’s getting better. I definitely felt it less this time.”_

_“Are you okay?” Worry had etched into his voice as he reached for Kara’s cheek. “I didn’t hit you too hard, right?” Even though she was the one asking Mon-El to hit her, and she was basically invincible, she couldn’t help smiling._

_“Yes, Mon-El, I—“ Her voice trailed off when Mon-El’s hand cupped her cheek, her fingers brushing her cheekbone. She had to bite her lip to keep herself from gasping. She didn’t know what to say as Mon-El pushed her hair back, reminding Kara of the kiss they’d shared in his deathbed all over again. How he had stroked her cheek softly, gently, as if he was afraid of breaking her, and how he had leaned down to kiss her in a definitely non-demanding way; he didn’t expect anything from her, it felt like he almost just wanted to kiss her._

_Of course, this might be her imagination as well, or her hopefulness. Maybe the kiss didn’t mean anything to Mon-El at all, maybe he was just hallucinating, maybe he didn’t want it. Yet in moments like this, when there were merely inches between them, Kara couldn’t help thinking he liked the kiss, and how good it would feel if he kissed her again._

_She quickly got rid of those thoughts with Mon-El’s voice. “It’s a good thing you can’t get bruised,” he grunted, dropping his hand. “Or else Alex would kill me.” With a strained laugh, Kara lifted her brows._

_“You do realize that you have super strength and you’re almost invincible, right?” Mon-El scoffed with that._

_“Do you even_ know _your sister?” he joked, crossing his arms. This time, Kara’s laugh sounded more genuine. No matter what, Mon-El always managed to make her smile._

_“Okay, yeah. You’re right.” Taking her battle stance, she gestured at Mon-El to come at her. “Now again, and as I told you, control your strength.”_

_“Why do we have to do this?” Mon-El asked, lifting his fists. “I mean, aren’t I supposed to knock the criminals down?” Kara sighed._

_“Well, yeah, but using too much power could hurt them irreversibly, or even kill them. We don’t want that. We need to take them down without it.” Mon-El stared at her in such a complex way that Kara dropped her defense for a moment, feeling uncomfortable. “Um, is everything okay?” Mon-El nodded after a couple of seconds, and his next words made Kara’s heart flutter in a way nobody else managed to do._

_“Ye-yeah. It just amazes me how compassionate you can be.”_

* * *

Kara took down the prison’s entrance with her heat vision, blowing up the gates to create an open path to herself. Even when she stopped heath-visioning the place, she still saw red trotting in the prisons as two guards ran out from their positions in the gate with guns in their hands. They stopped when they saw _Supergirl_. One of the guards was so surprised that he almost dropped the gun.

“Supergirl? What are you doing here?” the other asked, obviously a little bit less shocked. Still, surprise was splashed on her face, and her gun wasn’t lowered. Kara made sure she looked the terrifying Kryptonian that she was, showing the side of her she kept hidden under her reporter _and_ superhero cover.

“I need you to take me to your prison superintendent,” she said in a completely cold, emotionless voice, enough for the guards to share a fearful glance. It was the woman that addressed her again.

“May I ask why?”

“I have some questions to him, concerning a prisoner.” The guards didn’t move, forcing Kara to step forward. “I don’t want to hurt either of you, but if you don’t take me to him right now, I _will_ force my way in, and it _will_ hurt.” After another second of hesitation, the woman led her inside.

It didn’t take them long to arrive to the superintendent’s office. Before Kara walked in there, she looked at the guard. “Leave, and don’t come back, no matter what you see or hear. Understood?” The guard, luckily, had the common sense to scurry away after a nod.

Kara kicked the office door open and entered the room. The superintendent, obviously, was expecting her, because he wasn’t surprised when she barged in. Kara guessed it must’ve been the other guard at the entrance. It made no matter, though; she came here to get one thing.

“Supergirl, we certainly—“ the man started as he stood up, but Kara didn’t let him finish as she jumped on him, grabbing his collar and slamming him to the wall. Rage was boiling inside her as she remembered everything that had happened that day, from finding out Mon-El was kidnapped to Lillian Luthor escaping from prison. And it was no doubt that this man played a part in that escape, indirectly leading to Mon-El’s kidnapping. “What the hell?!” the man hollered after finding himself in Supergirl’s grip, pressed on a wall, his eyes wide with fear. Kara found herself slightly enjoying the sight and narrowed his eyes.

“It hurts, doesn’t it?” she asked, tightening her grip around the man’s neck. “You’re afraid.” He couldn’t answer as he gulped, but that was enough for Kara to know she was right. “That was exactly what my boyfriend felt when he was kidnapped.”

“What? What boyfriend?” the man shrieked, grasping Kara’s wrist to get her hand away. He clawed with his fingers, pushed as much as he could, yet it merely felt like a stroke for Kara as she held on. “I didn’t kidnap anybody!”

“Oh, but you helped, didn’t you? All in all, you got Lillian Luthor out of prison.” His eyes widened with Kara’s words, his grip on Kara’s wrist loosening. Kara pressed her lips together angrily. She was right. This man, he helped Lillian escape from prison.

And he would pay for it. With the worst punishment possible.

“I can kill you right now, with just a flick of my wrist, or I can do much, much worse than that. You’d have nothing to stop me.” The threat dripped down from her mouth like icy water, causing the man to pale even more. “Or you can tell me everything you know about Lillian Luthor’s escape. Your choice.” She’d added the last words as a figure of speech, because she knew there was no choice.

She would find out what happened in the prison one way or another, and she didn’t care who she’d have to hurt for that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who do you think is the man Lillian Luthor had talked to? :)


	5. not enough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy this, and please tell me what you think about it, I always appreciate all your opinions and criticism! :)

Alex’s heart constricted as she watched the footage from the prison, having a hard time believing her eyes. It just _couldn’t_ be true, as simple as that. Kara wasn’t a bad person. She held back from hurting any human whenever she was out there fighting crime, she made do with just knocking them out even though she could easily snap their necks. She would never want to hurt _or_ kill anyone.

That was why it killed Alex when she saw her sister slam a man to a wall, so much so that Alex had winced, and break his arm. It wasn’t who Kara was. She would never hurt anyone intentionally, not like that. She looked cold, emotionless, like a… Like a Kryptonian. Kara had never looked so alien to Alex’s eyes, not even when she first donned the cape and started “superheroing”. Alex felt like this was the first time she was seeing the beast Kara was hiding, filled with all the strength and power she kept inside every time she pretended to be human or went easy on criminals. Kara had cut the leashes of the beast and sent it against the superintendent, and it was hard to watch.

And if she, a person who had been dealing with aliens for a long time, was bothered by it, she had no idea how Winn was feeling. It was the second time he saw Kara go against morality and hurt someone in cold-blood, and the first time had been when she was poisoned with red kryptonite. This time, she was perfectly sane, so they couldn’t blame her actions on any drug or poison. Except Lillian Luthor probably, since Alex was almost 100% sure she was the one that kidnapped Mon-El. She wasn’t sure whether the woman was still the head of Cadmus or working alone, yet it made no matter. She was out, and DEO needed to find her before she hurt some alien. Before she hurt…Mon-El.

That was why it was _kind of_ understandable why Kara might not be in the right mind, and it was quite possible that she just needed someone to blame Mon-El’s kidnapping on, since she couldn’t get her hands on Lillian. Alex knew what it felt like to have pent up anger inside of her, wanting to get out, and being unable to find and beat the shit out of the reason of it.

None of that made up for what Kara was doing. Additionally, if Alex knew her sister, she knew that Kara would feel absolutely guilty about her actions once she calmed down. She remembered how the Kryptonian had been when the effects of red kryptonite had passed. She was crushed, disgusted of what she’d done, and even more disgusted that a part of her had wished to do those actions.

“Delete the footage,” Alex found herself whispering at Winn. They couldn’t let anyone see the footage. Winn turned around to face her, his face paper white, and then looked at J’onn as if asking for confirmation. J’onn nodded slowly as Alex threw herself on the chair, running her fingers through her hair. The trio went silent except the sound coming from Winn’s hand traveling on the keyboard. The footage disappeared after a minute or so, and then there was a deafening silence. Alex’s head was bowed as she stared at her hands, feeling J’onn’s anxious and Winn’s fearful gaze on her. Desperation and rage loomed over the group and weighed them down, so much so that it was so hard to find a way out of the maze of pain and try to think clearly. All Alex could focus on was what Kara did, how angry she was to her and how depressed and helpless she felt that she couldn’t help the young woman; she didn’t even want to think what it would be like for Supergirl if that footage went viral.

“How could she have done it?” she yelled, slamming her fist on the table. “This was beyond stupid. Going after that man like…like that? What if someone saw this? What if it went viral?”

“Alex…” J’onn said calmly, reaching for the agent’s hand. She whipped her hand away as she faced the head of DEO.

“Don’t ‘Alex’ me! _Supergirl_ shouldn’t have done that. If the city sees this…” Her voice trailed off as fear gripped her heart, making her sink back on the chair. Winn finished his sentence.

“They’ll lose faith on her. They’ll lose faith on _aliens_.” The words fell onto them like a death sentence, waiting to be signed. Alex rubbed her temples to keep her headache at bay. It didn’t work.

“We won’t let anyone see that footage. Thank you for warning us, Winn,” J’onn said quietly following Alex’s outburst. All Winn could do was nod and accept the compliment, not even bragging about it as a joke. That showed how serious the situation really was.

J’onn then turned to Alex then, kneeling down in front of her. His eyes were filled with compassion and understanding when he put his hand on the woman’s leg. “Alex, I understand why you’re angry at Kara. She didn’t just risk her freedom or life in there, she risked the life of all aliens without much of evidence. But she’s _hurting_.” Alex bit her lip when she heard those words. “She just had her boyfriend kidnapped, and she knows there’s a chance he might be tortured or…dead, and she blames herself. I know how that feels like, and I know how it might crush someone. She’s channeling her pain to anger and this is the reflection of that.” Alex felt tears building up behind her eyes as she cleared her throat, trying to get rid of the knot in her throat.

“So what should we do? We can’t let her do something like that again.” J’onn stood up with a sigh.

“You’re right. And we won’t.” He seemed like he was genuinely in pain as he stared at the now blank computer screen. “As much as it pains me to say this, we need to make her realize how wrong she was, and… And make her feel that pain instead of avoiding it.”

* * *

Kara hadn’t waited to see the superintendent and a bunch of other police officers and guards arrested after she revealed that they’d aided Lillian Luthor to escape. None of them—unfortunately—knew where Lillian was or what she was doing, so she didn’t have any more need of them. It was foolish to think they’d know anyway. Lilian wasn’t that sloppy.

She entered the DEO from the terrace, her teeth clenched with rage, only to find herself face-to-face with her sister. Her steps halted when she saw Alex had crossed her arms, looking at Kara with a harsh glare on her face. Kara only glanced at her before she continued to walk, passing by her.

“Supergirl?”

“Where is everyone?” Kara asked, ignoring the anxious tone in her sister’s voice. Looking around, her eyes looked for Winn, or J’onn, or even more than a handful of DEO agents, but the place seemed almost deserted. It was nothing like a couple of hours ago when she left.

“They went to examine the crime scene,” Alex explained, walking over to her sister. “I stayed to wait for you.” Kara stopped with Alex’s words, spinning around.

“They didn’t wait for me?” Her voice was incredulous as she stared at her sister. Anyone would feel uncomfortable under that stare. Not Alex, though. She didn’t cave, she didn’t step back, she didn’t even turn her gaze away. She stared right into Kara’s eyes.

“They thought it was better if you didn’t go out for a while. _We_ thought that.” Kara didn’t know what to say as she opened her mouth and then closed it. The feelings she tried to keep at bay for the whole morning were threatening to come back, swirling inside her stomach and making her sick. She shook her head.

“You can’t keep me here,” she said with a humorless laugh. “I _have to_ be there.” Alex raised her brows.

“To do what? You aren’t exactly a scientist.”

“I can _help_ ,” Kara insisted, not wanting to accept all she could do was…sit around and do nothing. It already felt horrible that all she did turned out to be for nothing and she wasn’t one bit closer to finding Mon-El, but if she just… _waited_ , she’d lose it. And she couldn’t lose it.

“We don’t need your help right now, Kara. You need to help yourself. Go home, rest a—“

_“Go home?”_ Kara almost screamed, her mouth dropping open. “You’re telling me to go home when Mon-EL is out there, kidnapped, and probably in pain? You’re asking me to rest when he’s suffering? You’re asking me to go home when…” Kara’s voice trailed off as she was unable to continue, tears clogging her throat. Her breathing was labored, her fists were clenched tightly in a weak attempt to control her anger and grief and not to lash on her sister, but it wasn’t working. Tears welled up in her eyes as she shook her head. “You’re telling me to go home when I don’t know where Mon-El is, or whether he’s in pain or not, or even if he’s…alive?” By the end, her voice was barely a whisper as a quiet sob escaped her mouth.

_No_ , she thought desperately. _I don’t want to cry. I can’t cry. I have to be strong. I have to stay strong_ for him.

It didn’t work. Nothing she told herself, no matter how many times she’d repeated it in her mind, worked as another sob followed the initial one, and then another one, until she was unable to stop. Everything she tried to keep in, everything she tried to shut out was free now, traveling around her body and shattering it piece by piece, cutting her veins and drawing blood until her skin felt like a cutting board, bleeding out pain and tears. She felt breathless, as if no matter how hard she inhaled there would never be enough oxygen in the air. She felt like _dying_ , and for someone who got close to it a couple of times, she’d never felt it happen so painful. Now she understood why artists described heartbreak as a knife thrust through the heart: She certainly felt stabbed as her heart cracked in the middle.

She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t go on, not without him. She didn’t want to go on. She had to find him, had to bring him home. Somehow, this was even worse than losing someone to death. At least then, you knew it was final. It was definitely painful, but _not knowing_? That was the worst part.

“Oh, Kara…” she faintly heard Alex whisper as an arm wrapped around her waist, carrying her into a room. She heard the door being shut behind them as her knees buckled. She almost fell to the ground if not for her sister that managed to carry her to a couch.

“I can’t help him,” Kara croaked, her hand covering her mouth. Although her next words were muffled, she felt them deep in her bones. “I can’t _save_ him.”

“You do realize that it had only been less than a day since he was kidnapped?” Alex said softly. It didn’t make Kara feel any better about herself.

“What if he’s hurting, Alex? What if he thinks I’m not looking for him, or abandoned him? What if he thinks I don’t love him?” Alex shook her head.

“He knows that you love him, Kara. He knows you’re looking for him. And don’t worry, we’ll find him even if we have to look under every rock on the face of this earth.” Gulping, it was all Kara do to nod, even though a part of her couldn’t believe what her sister had said.

Even though a part of her thought: _What if it isn’t enough?_

* * *

“So this is where you’re keeping him,” the man said matter-of-factly, looking at the monitor in front of him. “He looks like a corpse.” Glancing at the woman next to him, Lillian Luthor, he found her beaming with pride, though she tried to hide it. Nodding, she sat back in her chair, crossing her arms.

“Yes. It’s been one of our most successful cases in aliens.” The man turned back to the alien, waiting for him to do something, _anything_ , but all he did was lie down and staring at the ceiling. _They must’ve poisoned him_ , he thought, or else there would be no way to contain an alien, no less a Daxamite who was as strong as Kara, a.k.a. Supergirl. _But with what?_ Even though he’d studied Kryptonian physiology very intensively, he had no idea what Daxamites were vulnerable to, despite the two alien species having very similar genes. He doubted it was green kryptonite, since there was only very little amount of it, if not none, on earth since DEO destroyed the remaining. Also, there wasn’t any green glowing things in the cell.

He would find out, though. Soon.

“How did you kidnap him?” he asked, hoping the answer would bring some answers to his own questions. Lillian Luthor smiled, leaning forward to look at the Daxamite.

“As it turns out, our little alien here has a very severe lead allergy. All we had to do was figure out how to use it to knock him out for long enough to bring him here.” The man’s brows crept up his forehead. _So that’s what they’re using_ , he thought as he looked back at the cell. He couldn’t help feeling sorry for the man despite trying to remind himself that he was an alien. Yes, there was a time the man hated all aliens, but Supergirl had proved his “all aliens are bad” belief wrong. He might still not approve all the aliens strolling around National City, but he also wouldn’t try to get rid of any of them if they didn’t pose danger. Supergirl showed him that when she saved the whole city from death and enslavement of Kryptonians, risking her own life.

He wondered, if that was the case, why he had come with Lillian in the first place. He wouldn’t help her with her plans, he knew it. But his curious, scientist mind wanted to know _what_ her plans were, since even _he_ couldn’t find a way to get rid of aliens altogether. Even though that Medusa virus was a good idea, the DEO had managed to develop a vaccine for it and the aliens were being vaccinated for some time now. It would kill the small number of aliens that refused to be vaccinated, but not all of them.

“Ah, lead,” the man said finally, leaning back on his chair. His expression didn’t show his conflicted thoughts as he turned to Lillian with a smile on his face. “It was a good thing that he wasn’t only immune to kryptonite as well.” Lillian laughed with those words. _Even her laugh sounds cold_ , the man couldn’t help thinking.

“That is true. Which was why it was him that I kidnapped and not Supergirl.” The man continued smiling even with the mention of the Kryptonian, though the tightness in his shoulders would give him away to a detailed observer.

“What is your plan anyway?” he found himself asking, which earned him a curious glance from Lillian.

“Why do you want to know?” The man forced himself to shrug nonchalantly before turning to the monitors.

“Well, you did bring me here because you wanted something from me. What is it?” Lillian Luthor hesitated for a second as she searched for the man’s face, probably for signs of untrustworthiness, before she smiled. He seemed to pass the test.

“Well, Mr. Lord, since you asked so bluntly… I need to know how you created red kryptonite.” Maxwell Lord felt his heart stop as he only stared at the woman’s face. It wasn’t much the words that feared him, though.

It was the expression on Lillian Luthor’s face that wanted _vengeance_.


	6. no matter what

Mon-El barely heard the creak prison door made when it opened, and he didn’t even bother to lift his head to look at who came. He certainly was hungry and thirsty, but most of all he was so, so tired. The only thing he could do was hope that it was food and water, because he didn’t have the strength to ask for it.

The door closed with a click before Mon-El could think that. He’d thought whoever came must’ve left until he heard footsteps approaching him. _Sit up_ , he ordered himself. _Sit up and fight. Fight_ back. Of course, they were just empty words. None of his muscles was obeying his orders. The only thing he could do was open his eyes, finding himself face to face with a man. He tried to jog his memory to remember if the man been there when he was captured by Cadmus, but he didn’t look familiar. With his dark brown hair and stubble covering his cheeks, Mon-El though he certainly would’ve remembered. Besides, no one in Cadmus looked at him with anything close to pity or compassion, just like this man was doing right now. It had all been hate and contempt there.

Of course, there was a chance Cadmus wasn’t the one that kidnapped him at all.

He wanted to ask the man his name, or what he was doing in Mon-El’s cell. He opened his mouth but words jumbled together in his head, so much so that he couldn’t form a decent sentence. Luckily, the man knelt down next to him.

“This doesn’t have to be painful,” he said. Mon-El’s heart stuttered in his chest as he tried to crawl away from the man, or maybe punch him in the face, but his super strength was gone. He was completely in the man’s mercy. “I just need a bit of your blood.”

_Like I could say no_ , Mon-El thought bitterly. He may as well have been dead as the man lifted his arm. He only hissed slightly with the sting of the needle, the touch of it almost burning his skin _. I didn’t know there were lead in needles_. Of course DEO had developed some to test Mon-El, but since this couldn’t be DEO…

He didn’t really know what to think. On one hand, he thought it had to be Cadmus that kidnapped him, because he hadn’t met anyone resourceful enough to subdue him. On the other hand, well… Lillian Luthor was in prison, and without her Cadmus was dead. No one survived long without their head. Besides, he hadn’t heard from them until they put Lillian in prison. They could as well be gone.

But then _who_ was it that kidnapped him?

When the man drew the needle back, he saw dark red blood in the syringe, feeling sicker than ever. He never liked seeing blood, much less his own. The man didn’t seem to mind, though, as he stood up.

“Wait,” Mon-El finally managed to croak, afraid that he’d be left alone in the damned lead cell all over again. The man stopped and turned around, looking at him. He seemed to be waiting for Mon-El to ask something.

There was a thousand questions swirling around Mon-El’s mind, but it was the least likely one he chose, merely for the fact that the man had shown him slight compassion when no one would. “Who are you?”

At first, the man didn’t answer, just watching the Daxamite, almost studying him. Mon-El felt uncomfortable, tired from supporting himself with his elbows and wanting to lie down again. What good would it do to hear the answer anyway? It wasn’t like he could contact DEO in any way to tell them who was it that kidnapped him.

Just as he was about to give up and leave himself to the gripping hands of sleep that the man opened his mouth. His words, though, were not what Mon-El expected, so much so that he stayed propped up his elbows long after the man left, shut and locked the door behind him.

“Kara’s friend.”

* * *

_Mon-El stared at the drink in his hand as if it held the answer to all his questions. He always enjoyed drinking and absolutely loved the alien bar on earth, it being the only place he could truly be himself, yet he found himself coming here more and more frequently lately. He could pretend all he wanted that it was only about alcohol and aliens and nothing else, but he knew that was just a lie. He was coming here to escape from his thoughts. To escape from_ Kara _._

_He still couldn’t believe how he could’ve kissed her. He almost had ruined everything. Yes, he might have been sick and dying, his blood pumped with tons of medicine he couldn’t begin to spell the names of, and he thought he’d never get to kiss Kara again, but those were no excuses for what he did. He should’ve stopped himself._

_Fortunately, he had been able to fake amnesia and pretend he remembered nothing about the kiss, sparing both himself and Kara the embarrassment, but that didn’t mean he forgot about the kiss. Oh, no. It never left his mind, lingering on the side even as he tried to focus on something else._

_“Do you want me to fill your drink?” Mon-El slipped away from his thoughts with the voice of the bartender. He was so lost in his own mind that he had no idea what the woman asked, and all he could do was stare at her blankly._

_“Huh?” Chuckling, the bartender—Mon-El thought her name was Lizzie—shook her head and pointed at his drink._

_“I asked if you wanted me to fill it. But I guess you’re too distracted for that.” Mon-El shook his head, putting his glass down._

_“I was just thinking about something,” he said as Lizzie filled his cup. There was a smile on her face._

_“Could that be about some girl?” The young Daxamite’s eyes shot up with those words. “What was her name? Kara Danvers, right?”_

_“Ho-how did you…” The bartender almost smiled._

_“Notice? It’s my job to notice, honey. I saw how you look at her.” Mon-El scoffed, forcing out a laugh._

_“I don’t look at her in a specific way.” Lizzie just lifted her brow and stared at Mon-El. “I don’t,” he insisted._

_“Whatever you say,” Lizzie said and lifted her hands, turning to another customer. She looked over her shoulder. “But don’t miss out on her. It isn’t very often you meet a girl like that.”_

* * *

Winn felt like his head was about to split open. It had been five hours since they came to the crime scene; five hours of watching, and re-watching, and re-watching Mon-El’s abduction footage, five hours of piecing together the crime scene, five hours of analyzing and dusting every square inch of the alley.

It wouldn’t be half as much tiring if they were able to find _something_. The scene was clean without a speck of evidence to point them in the direction of the criminal. It was cleaned up, Winn was sure. Which was why he was checking the security footage again, only to see that not even ten minutes after the abduction, another team had come and cleaned the crime scene, leaving nothing. He cursed inwardly.

This wasn’t good. This really wasn’t good.

“There’s nothing?” J’onn asked, startling Winn. The technician hadn’t even noticed the director approaching. He sighed.

“Nope. They cleaned everything up. They probably even knew where security camera was, because they didn’t turn to it. There’s no way to ID any of them.”

“Damn,” J’onn muttered, clenching his fists. “I was hoping something would turn up.” Winn could only agree. He hated to be the one that had to tell Kara they couldn’t find anything regarding her boyfriend’s abduction. The poor girl was already taking it hard, he didn’t want to add another burden to her weary shoulders. It wasn’t fair.

“I don’t understand,” Winn said desperately. “Why would Cadmus kidnap Mon-El? They already tried it once, to get to Supergirl. What could be the point of taking him in _again_?”

“I don’t think Cadmus needs a reason to kidnap aliens other than hating them.” Fury and disgust was dripping from J’onn voice. Winn rolled his eyes.

“I get _that_ , but this was specifically done to get to Mon-El. What do they want from him?” J’onn frowned, shaking his head after a while.

“I don’t know. But I can bet that it has something to do with Supergirl.”

* * *

The photograph in Kara’s hands was crumpled due to her harsh grip, one corner of it about to be ripped. She didn’t care. She didn’t want to let go of it, the paper being the only hard-copy photograph of her and Mon-El. All of other photos were either in her phone or his.

In the photo, they looked happy. Mon-El’s arms were around Kara’s shoulders, his hands clasped together right below her chest, and her hands were on his. Her head was slightly bent to the side, allowing him to rest his cheek on her temple. Both of them had a huge smile on their faces, the kind of smiles that reached one’s eyes. It was taken not too long ago, she remembered where they were and what they were doing: Kara had taken Mon-El to her favorite ice cream parlor, and they’d asked an elderly couple for a photo there. She could even see the sign of the shop behind them, shining in pastel blues and pinks.

Tears welled up in her eyes. She was tired, so tired of crying, yet she seemed to be unable to stop. Alex had left a couple of hours ago after she made sure Kara was fine. Kara had forced a lot of smiles in her life, but the smile she gave Alex felt the most forced of them all. It made the trick, though. Alex had left for DEO, leaving Kara behind. At first, the Kryptonian was inclined to go as well, but she couldn’t deal with any more bad news. And based on J’onn’s tone on the phone—she not-so-subtly listened to the conversation between him and Alex—whatever they’d found in the crime scene, it was bad news.

“I miss you,” she find herself whispering to the photo. “And I’m sorry that I… I let you get captured.” The sensible side of her brain knew talking to herself was probably not a good sign, yet somehow it made her feel less…alone. Keeping all the feelings inside…let alone it being exhausting, it also made her feel lonely. Like there was no one to talk to.

She choked out a laugh, shaking her head. “If you were here, you’d probably disagree, even scold me for thinking it was my fault. But that’s one of the downsides of having superpowers. It feels like every bad thing happening around you is your fault, because you couldn’t prevent them from happening even with all the powers you have.” She wiped away her tears, for all the good it did. She could still feel something pressing down her chest, making it hard to breathe, hard to think anything else other than her boyfriend. Even as she tried to distract herself, her thoughts spiraled back at him, and she found herself struggling to go on with her life. And it hurt. Every thought of him hurt.

It didn’t seem like it would go away either.

“I don’t know what to do, Mon-El,” she whispered, as if saying it softly would make it feel less crazy. “I have to go to work tomorrow, Snapper wants me there. He probably will ask me to chase down some ridiculous story. And then there’s DEO. I have to go there and pretend like I’m strong, like all of this isn’t even affecting me, because they’re expecting me to be strong. I’m their hero. Central City as well. They’ll expect me to help them when there’s a fire, a shooting, a hostage situation or an alien attack. And I don’t know… I don’t know if I can do that. I don’t know if I can act like nothing is wrong, because it’s not true. Everything feels wrong. Everything _is_ wrong.” She bit her lip harshly, almost enough to draw blood. Blinking away her tears, she pressed the photo to her chest, right above her heart.

“But I promise you, Mon-El, I will find you. I won’t rest until you’re safe and with me. No matter what I need to do. I will stop at _nothing_.”


	7. angel of death

Kara was pretty sure she looked like a walking zombie as she entered the CatCo building. She was dressed in black pants and a salmon colored shirt instead of a skirt. She usually liked to wear one, but she really didn’t feel like bothering with a skirt on top of all that had happened. She barely slept the other night, not being able to stop thinking about Mon-El. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw him in front of her. The worst part was that she wasn’t seeing him smiling, laughing, or in any of the good memories they’d had together. She’d remembered the first time Cadmus kidnapped Mon-El, and how he almost died of a bullet wound. She’d remembered how helpless she felt sitting down in the neighboring cell and not being able to do anything to stop Mon-El’s pain.

_Well, if I don’t make it and you do, you’re welcome to tell everyone I was scared out of my mind_ , he’d told her. That’d made her laugh at that time, as was Mon-El’s intention, yet remembering the words now only brought her pain.

_Is he scared now_ , she found herself asking. _Did they put him in a cell similar to the ones before? Does he have someone to talk to, or is he alone? Is he in pain, did they hurt him? Is he_ dead?

Knowing none of those questions could absolutely help her didn’t stop her from _thinking_ them.

At some point in the night it had gotten so bad that she’d cried again until her throat burned, her stomach hurt and she was left with no will to do anything. She’d just wanted to close her eyes and sleep until she woke up from this nightmare. That was what she’d told herself, over and over again, until she started believing it.

It all had crushed when she woke up, of course. For one second, she was happy and smiling, reaching for Mon-El on her other side to scoot closer to him, yet when she extended her arm there was nothing there. It all came back then, bringing tears to her eyes.

Instead of crying, though, she’d blinked away the tears and went to the kitchen. After that, it was all a blur. It was as if she was playing a record; her actions didn’t feel like her own. She brewed coffee, made pancakes with maple syrup on top, and ate them mechanically. There were clothes hanging from behind a chair with her sister’s note on it, telling Kara that she needed to rush to the DEO early in the morning and didn’t want to wake Kara up, and they’d definitely let her know if there was a development. The last part brought the sting of pain back until Kara shoved it away. She had to go to work, she couldn’t just bail two days in a row. Snapper would definitely kill her.

That didn’t mean she enjoyed what she was doing as she sat down on her seat, letting out the breath she hadn’t even realized she was doing. She just felt numb all over. Of course her stomach ached from all the tears, and her shoulders felt stiff from tossing and turning all night, and she wasn’t even mentioning her exhaustion; but those were physical problems. She would be okay in a couple of hours with her alien physiology. Emotional wounds were different. Right now, they just felt numb, but that was just because last night she lost too much blood. Once that blood was restored with time, the wounds would start hurting again.

She wasn’t looking forward to that.

Rubbing her temples, she willed her headache away. That was when she’d noticed the sticky note on her computer’s keyboard, staring back at her. The writing on it was too horrible that it could only be from Snapper.

_Meet me in my room._

Sighing exasperatedly, Kara crumbled the paper in her hand and threw it to the bin before standing up. She was hoping this was just about an article and nothing else, because she really couldn’t handle another bad news. Her quota of bad news was already overflowing.

Straightening up her shirt and hair, she briefly glanced at herself on the computer screen. There was no way to hide her red-rimmed eyes or purple circles underneath them, and no amount of foundation could cover up the paleness of her skin, yet she didn’t mind. She made her way to Snapper’s office, wanting to get over with their conversation as quickly as possible.

“Danvers,” was Snapper’s greeting when she pushed open his office door. He hadn’t even so much as looked up, only given her a glance before turning back to the paperwork in front of him. Kara was used to this attitude, it stopped bothering him a while ago. “You look horrible.”

“I was sick,” she explained, clasping her hands together. “You’ve asked me to come?”

“I did.” Snapper dove into the pile of papers in front of him, finding a blue file in light-speed, which should’ve been impossible for anyone to find in that mess that fast. “I want you to take this one.” Kara’s brows arched as she tentatively took the file and opened the first page.

“What’s the news about?” she asked, her eyes skimming over the paper. Her heart stopped when she saw the words “Supergirl”, “prison”, and “beating”.

“The prison superintendent claims that in order to get information from him, Supergirl beat her up.” A knot tangled in Kara’s throat as she read the claim, not wanting to believe it. She lifted her chin.

“He’d let Lillian Luthor escape and covered it up,” she objected, forcing herself to loosen her grip on the file before it crumbled down to pieces. “The man is going to prison himself.”

“Yes, as written on the file. That’s all over the news. What I want you to do is investigate his claim, find out if it’s true, and write an article about that. _That’s_ original.” Kara opened her mouth and closed it, not knowing what to say. Her heart was pounding in her chest. She wanted to scream. _This isn’t fair_ , she wanted to say. _When this man let Lillian Luthor go, he helped her kidnap Mon-El. I had the right to beat him up_. But that would mean revealing her identity to Snapper and that she couldn’t do.

“Can’t we just be grateful for Supergirl for getting a bunch of corrupted police officers arrested?” she found herself saying, earning a glance from Snapper. Leaning back on his chair, he stared at Kara with a suspicious and annoyed gaze.

“From a subjective point of view, yes. But we’re here to be objective, and getting to learn how Supergirl got them arrested is as much important as what she did. Now get out of my sight and get it done.”

It was all Kara could do not to cry as she spun around and left the room, repeating to herself over and over again that she’d done enough crying. Her feelings may be a turmoil inside, she might be hurting, but none of that mattered. She had to whip up an article with… _this_ if she didn’t want to be out of her job.

And in the morning she was thinking the day couldn’t have gone worse.

* * *

Winn’s eyes hurt from watching security feeds. He didn’t know what he was thinking when he proposed to examine what the security cameras caught around the abduction scene, in order to maybe find where the kidnappers took Mon-El, yet it proved to be really hard to follow a really ordinary looking black van _at night_. His headache from the previous day had returned approximately an hour ago, despite taking painkillers. It seemed like no amount of them would make the headache stop.

And anyway, he was unable to follow the car anymore, as it had turned to a street with no security cameras. He wasn’t even sure he was following the correct van anymore. There were times when he lost it because of, again, the lack of security cameras, and then found it again a couple of seconds or sometimes minutes later on another footage. He had to assume it was the same van by calculating the time and all. All of the operations seemed like a blur now.

He was so focused on checking multiple security footages in hopes of relocating the van if it had ever exited that street when someone threw a file in front of him. Being caught off guard, he jumped on his chair and grabbed the table to steady himself.

“Goddammit!” he cursed loudly as he looked up, realizing it was Kara, in her Supergirl outfit. He had been ready to yell at the intruder, but upon seeing her, his voice softened. The Kryptonion did _not_ look good. Her hair looked uncombed and all over the place, there were huge purple bags under her eyes, and her face was paler than usual. That wasn’t just it, though. Her face was a mask of sternness, showing no signs of emotion, and her arms were crossed over her chest.

“Kara! I thought you were at—“

“Work?” Kara finished his sentence, uncrossing her arms. “I was. Until Snapper asked me to write an article about _that_.” She pointed at the file she’d thrown in front of Winn with her head. The IT specialist glanced at the file as if it was a timed bomb before taking it and opened.

With each sentence, Winn’s heart sank more and more, fear and worry taking it in their grasp. He shook his head. “No, this is impossible. I deleted that footage.” Kara laughed humorlessly at that, running her fingers through her hair.

“The footage may be gone, but we haven’t figured out a way to wipe someone’s memory.” She shook her head. “And now I have to be _objective_ in telling how Supergirl beat that man to ‘near death’, as he’d claimed. I did _not_ beat him to near death.” She stopped. “I might’ve broken his arm, but that’s it. And he’ll heal anyway.” Winn pressed his lips together, his stomach twisting with Kara’s absolute lack of emotion about that subject. Not that she’d never hurt anyone during one of her missions, but usually she felt bad afterwards for having to bruise someone. Not feeling bad for beating someone up in cold blood… It was not like her.

He let it slide, though, knowing the woman was still not in her right mind. “What are you gonna do?” he asked instead. Kara ran her hand over her face.

“I don’t _know_. I know beating that guy up was wrong, we could’ve gotten the information through an investigation as well, but it was faster and more efficient. I don’t regret it.” _Well, at least she knows it’s wrong_ , Winn couldn’t help thinking. “That’s not why I came here. Alex didn’t call me, so I wanted to know if there was a development…?” Kara’s voice trailed off with desperation in the end, probably upon seeing the corners of Winn’s lips turn down.

“I’m sorry, Kara. We couldn’t find anything.” He turned to the computer. “They’d been _really_ careful this time.” Winn heard Kara mutter a string of curses under her breath and saw that her hands were balled into fists.

“How could there be _nothing_?” she wailed. “They couldn’t have just disappeared, right? There _has to be_ some trace.”

“That’s what we’re trying to find out. In the meantime, Alex sent agents to talk to Lex Luthor, to see if he knows anything.” He decided it would be better if he didn’t mention Lena, yet Kara was smarter than that.

“What about Lena?” she asked immediately. Winn faltered in his search for an answer. J’onn had actually proposed to call Kara and see if she could talk to Lena, being friends and all, yet Alex didn’t think it was a good idea. They hadn’t sent any agents after her yet, afraid that being questioned could force Lena to be careful enough to hide her actions, but they were monitoring her moves and every electronic transaction they’d made. So far, nothing had turned out. Maybe Lena was innocent after all.

“Nobody talked to her yet. But we’re monitoring her.” He eyed Kara’s reaction. The last time they tried to track Lena’s phone, Kara had scolded them, saying Lena would have nothing to do with Lillian Luthor or Cadmus. Yet this time she was just staring at the computer.

“I need to talk to her,” she stated matter-of-factly. Her tone left no room for objection, yet Winn had to try. He turned his chair to hers.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Kara’s eyes flickered back to him, her brows knitted.

“Why not? We _have_ to try. She might know where her mother is.”

“That’s true, but… Well, a couple of months ago you scolded us for trying to track her phone. You trusted she had nothing with Cadmus,” Winn reminded her, his voice trailing off. Kara’s emotionless eyes turned to the screen, her teeth clenched together.

“As I recall, you guys then asked me if I would bet Mon-El’s life on that trust. I didn’t then, and I still don’t. I just… I have to do _something_.” Kara sounded really desperate, her shoulders slouched as she dropped her head. “ _Anything_ instead of sitting here, waiting for something to show up. It’s my boyfriend out there, and I can’t do a damn thing to help him. What good having superpowers does if I can’t even help the people that I love?”

Winn opened his mouth to tell her that it wasn’t true, that she _was_ helping her friends and family every single day, yet no words came out. Kara continued before he could speak.

“And I can’t break down. Not only people expect me to be strong, to be their hero, but I have to hold it together for my boyfriend. It _hurts_ , Winn.”

“Kara…” Winn only whispered, grabbing her hand. He squeezed it as tightly as he could, knowing the Kryptonian needed it desperately. “We’re here for you. You can always talk to us, and you have a lot of shoulders around here to cry on. Don’t forget that.” Kara answered with a curt nod, pulling back her hand and standing up. She quickly wiped away her tears.

“I’ll go see Lena. If anything happens in the city, let me know. I can really use some distraction.” That was all she said before she ran out to the terrace and flew away. Winn didn’t stop her, knowing all this cold and emotionless act was nothing but a mask to keep her going. She thought she couldn’t let herself feel so that she could stand strong, and even though Winn disagreed, he understood where Kara was coming from. So he let her go, in hopes that Lena might prove more useful than her electronic activity showed.

God knew Kara needed it.

* * *

_Mon-El’s heart was fluttering as he knocked on Kara’s door, one of his hands tucked in his cardigan pocket. Anxiety was buzzing in his veins and he was starting to contemplate if visiting Kara had been a bad idea, yet he didn’t back up. Alex had said Kara wasn’t in much of a good position as she left DEO, and Mon-El needed to check up on her._

_After the mission she’d had, it wasn’t that surprising that she was feeling down._

_Mon-El knew it wasn’t her fault that she didn’t notice the bomb in the jewelry store before. She’d gone there to stop two robbers, and that she did. But she hadn’t been fast enough to stop one of them from activating the bomb in the store, sending it up in flames before Kara could even realize what was going on. Along with the two storeowners and a customer. None of them survived the explosion._

_The whole thing had taken a toll on the Kryptonian._ She always feels bad when someone dies on a mission _, Alex told Mon-El._ She blames herself _. Mon-El could see in Alex’s eyes that she wanted nothing more than to be with her sister, yet she had work to do at the DEO that she just couldn’t escape. Instead, she’d asked Mon-El to go see her, so that she wouldn’t be alone._

_The Daxamite was shocked to say the least, yet Alex was gone before he could question her motives. Not that he wouldn’t have gone, he just thought he couldn’t be as much help as, say, Alex would’ve been for Kara. But here he was, in front of Kara’s apartment, waiting for her to open the door._

_The door clicked only a couple of seconds later and opened, revealing a very disheveled and distraught Kara. She was in her PJs, wearing a solid, soft pink colored t-shirt and pants with pink unicorns on them. Her hair was tied in a messy knot, a few rebellious strands falling on her eyes. And those eyes were red-rimmed as if she’d just been crying. Well, maybe she_ had been _crying; there was a tissue balled in her fist._

_“Mon-El,” she said, raising her brows in surprise. “Wha-what are you doing here?” Mon-El took a deep breath, smiling._

_“I came to see you.” His voice was gentle as he stared at Kara’s eyes. It was hard to see them weak and red when they used to look so bright and joyful. He wanted nothing more to wash away the guilty look on his face away. “Can I come in?”_

_Kara stepped back without hesitation and let him in, yet her brows were still furrowed with curiosity. “You do realize it’s eleven p.m., right? Shouldn’t you be, I don’t know, at work?” It had been only a couple of days since Mon-El started working at the alien bar, but once he heard what happened he managed to get a night off. He shook his head._

_“No, I was free today. And…” Sighing, he tried to find a good way to approach the subject at hand—Kara’s failed mission—and came up with nothing. He shook his head. “Alex told me what happened today.” Kara’s face immediately fell with those words as she turned her eyes away, grabbing the wine bottle from the kitchen counter._

_“Of course she did,” she muttered under her breath as she made her way to the couch. Mon-El could do nothing but follow._

_“She was worried about you,” he said, trying to save the situation. “She didn’t want you to be alone, but she couldn’t come, so I did.” He tentatively sat next to Kara on the couch. “And I’m here, you know, if you want to talk. I’m a bartender now, and I hear on this planet, bartenders are great listeners.” That at least earned a small smile from Kara. She didn’t say anything for a while, only staring at the bottle in her hand. It took her a while to turn to Mon-El, tears shining in her eyes. She bit her lip._

_“Three people died today because of me, Mon-El.”_

_“It wasn’t your fault,” Mon-El tried to interject but Kara wasn’t listening to him. Instead she continued._

_“Courtney Dalton, the storeowner. Hayley Dalton, who was the storeowner’s wife, and was only there to see her husband. Cass Brewer, he was the customer looking for a ring to propose to his girlfriend. Now they’re all dead. Gone, because I wasn’t observant enough. Because I didn’t see the bomb and foolishly went out of the store.” By that time, she was holding the bottle too tightly that Mon-El was afraid she’d break it. Reaching for her hand, he gently pried her fingers away from the bottle and took it. Kara didn’t even object._

_“You weren’t looking for a bomb there. It’s understandable why you may not have seen it.” Kara laughed at that, a humorless laugh that brought shivers to Mon-El instead of warmness._

_“That’s the point, I_ should’ve _seen it. I should’ve been more careful. And then maybe… Maybe…”_

_“Hey, Kara,” Mon-El interrupted her again, taking her face in his hands when he realized she was about to cry. “Look at me. You did your best out there. You may have superpowers, but you’re only one person. It’s okay to make mistakes.”_

_“Not if they cost three people’s lives,” Kara argued. Tears were spilling from her eyes and down her cheeks as she turned her eyes away. She took a deep breath. “I should’ve done better.” Mon-El couldn’t find a good enough answer for that, he wasn’t even sure if there was one. All he could do was wrap his arm around Kara’s shoulder and pull her close, let her cry. She wasn’t sobbing, yet from the way her body shook and the tears that fell on Mon-El’s t-shirt every now and then, it was obvious she was crying. So he held onto her, and she held onto him, until her tears had dried. Only then Mon-El let her go._

_“Thank you,” she whispered as she straightened up, looking at the Daxamite. He shook his head._

_“I didn’t do anything.”_

_“You were with me,” she said matter-of-factly, squeezing Mon-El’s hand. She bit her lip, turning her eyes away. “Can you… Can you stay for the night? I just don’t want to be alone.”_

_With that one small sentence, Mon-El’s heart fluttered in his chest. At first, he thought of refusing. Being around Kara was hard enough as her presence constantly reminded him of the kiss, and made him want to kiss her again. Staying the night would not help at all, even if they slept in separate beds. But Kara was looking at him with such hope and helplessness that he couldn’t just refuse. He nodded, pushing all the other thoughts aside except helping Kara through the hard time._

_She’d helped him many times before. It was only fitting that he return the favor._

* * *

Maxwell Lord walked lazily to his car, with his hands tucked in his pockets, feigning calmness and ignorance. He didn’t want Lillian Luthor to see how his hands were shaking or how taut his shoulders were. He didn’t want her to know he couldn’t wait to get out of the Cadmus building.

He certainly couldn’t let her see that as soon as he got far enough away, he’d alert DEO about everything. Lillian’s plan was…insane ,and executing it was close to impossible; however, there _was_ a chance of getting it done, and then…

It would cost the lives of many people. As much as he was up to getting rid of aliens, he wasn’t looking forward to risk a bunch of human lives to do that. Supergirl wouldn’t, he knew. She hadn’t when the Kryptonians threatened National City.

“Leaving so soon?” Maxwell stopped with the familiar sound of Lillian’s voice, looking around. The woman came out behind a pillar in the parking area, her hands clasped together in front of her. He clenched his hand in his pocket, but outside he only gave Lillian a laid-back smile, shrugging.

“I think it’s time I go home and relax a bit. My eyes hurt from looking at computer screens.”

“I can imagine,” Lillian answered, stepping forward. “But I thought you liked the room I’d given you.” _You mean the prison cell that someone threw a bed in_ , Maxwell thought, but didn’t voice the words.

“I did, but that mattress isn’t the most comfortable thing on earth, I have to admit. Besides, I have a company to take care of.” He tried to walk past Lillian to his car, yet the woman stepped in front of him. He frowned as she smiled, shaking her head, as if she couldn’t believe Maxwell’s words. “Mrs. Luthor?”

“You didn’t really think I’d let you get out of here, right?” she asked. Maxwell only lift his brows as an answer. “You don’t think I don’t know about the relationship you and Supergirl have, do you?” His heart sank in his chest with those words, fear coursing through his veins.

“If you count me trying to kill her and she trying to get rid of me as a relationship, everyone knows that.” Lillian sighed, rolling her eyes.

“Not that relationship. The one you have since Supergirl saved National City from alien attack, when you stopped hating her.” Maxwell couldn’t think of a good answer to that. “You will contact her and the DEO the moment you get out of here. And, well, I can’t let that happen.” Maxwell Lord faked a frown, as if he’d been completely caught off guard and hurt by that statement, while his heart was pounding.

“You’re delusional, Lillian. I said I’d help you, right?”

“Oh, you will,” Lillian said matter-of-factly, gesturing at someone behind Maxwell. “Don’t you worry about that.” Before the man could do anything, there was someone on him, holding him from behind. He felt a sting of pain on his neck, realizing that someone had injected him with something. It didn’t take him long to start feeling dizzy, his vision blurring. The last thing he saw before everything went black was Lillian Luthor walking away in her crisp white suit and white heels.

_She almost looks like an angel. Angel of death._


	8. death sentence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!!!
> 
> Guess how many words this chapter ended up being, despite my efforts to shorten it? 5473. Yep, it's probably the longest chapter I've written for any of my multichapter stories, yet I needed the story to advance to what I call "phase 2", so I needed to clear the air with some of the stuff, the characters' intentions, and where they are mentally. I felt like it had ended up being a good chapter, so I hope you enjoy it as well!
> 
> Ps. There's a part in the chapter I'm describing a genetics laboratory. And, being 16 and all, I've never been into one, nor have any idea what they're really like. Most of the stuff I've written I found from internet, so if there's anything wrong with them, please let me know :)

It was around 3 p.m. when Kara descended on L-Corp’s terrace, right outside Lena’s office. It had taken her a couple of minutes to decide whether she should visit her as Kara Danvers or Supergirl, but eventually she’d thought the latter would be better. It would definitely be more forceful than a reporter.

Lena had heard her entrance, looking back at the Kryptonian. Her brows went up in confusion as Kara stepped in. “We need to talk,” Kara stated, jumping straight to the point without bothering with courtesies.

“Supergirl?” Lena said, rising from her chair. “I did not expect to see you here.” Turning to her friend, Kara’s face was filled with nothing but utter pain and exhaustion. She pressed her lips together.

“I didn’t want to be here,” she said, almost laughing. Not that it wasn’t true. She liked Lena, and it was proved the woman didn’t have anything with her mother or Cadmus; Kara hated being here and having to ask her about all of it. It had already been hard on her when Lillian was sent to prison, despite the two women never having a mother-daughter relationship. Kara hated being the one to rub salt on the wound.

“What is going on?” Lena’s brows furrowed with worry as she stepped away from the back of the table. “Please don’t tell me there’s another threat for my life.”

Kara shook her head, sighing. “No, it’s nothing like that. I’m sure you heard what happened to Lillian?” she started, hoping Lena wouldn’t immediately go defensive.

Lena leaned on the table, crossing her arms. “And you’re here to investigate me. Here I was wondering when the police would come, but I guess DEO is faster.” Contempt dripped from her voice as she stared at Kara. “I’m sorry to be a disappointing Luthor, but I had nothing to do with my mother’s escape.” Kara shook her head. She didn’t even feel disappointed about that fact.

“No, I believe you. I didn’t come here for that.” Lena almost seemed surprised, yet she didn’t say anything. “Lillian didn’t just escape, Lena, she also kidnapped someone. An alien.” _Not just an alien, someone_ very _dear to me_. Those words didn’t leave her mouth, though.

“I didn’t know about that.” Lena straightened her shoulders, uncrossing her arms. “They didn’t release it to the news.”

“Because we didn’t release it.” Kara lifted her eyes desperately. “Lillian escaping prison would make her a criminal in the city’s eyes. Kidnapping an alien would make her a hero.” Not only Kara couldn’t afford that, seeing Lillian’s actions treated as heroic would also kill her inside. _Or send me into a destruction spree_.

“Well, that’s understandable,” Lena said, pushing her hair away from her face. She laughed, thought there was nothing humorous about it. “Why am I not surprised that she kidnapped an alien the moment she got out of prison?”

“Yeah,” was all that Kara could say as she thought of Mon-El again. Somehow, she couldn’t get the image of him in that cell in Cadmus after Lillian shot him in the leg. The horrified look on his face, the blood seeping through his pants and between his fingers, the painful shriek…

_Please be okay, Mon-El_ , she thought again. _Gosh, where are you?_

“That is why I’m here. The alien in question was under DEO’s supervision.” _He is my boyfriend_. “And we believe that’s why it was him Lillian chose to kidnap.” _It was to hurt Supergirl. To hurt me_. “It’s really important for us to find him before she hurts him.” _Or worse, she kills him_.

Lena shook her head helplessly. “I’m sorry, Supergirl. I wish I could help, but I really don’t know anything. Lillian… Well, she kept her secrets close to her chest.” Kara bit her lip.

“I know, I know, but there might be something that can help us. Something that you didn’t even realize you know. A word that she told you, a place, a person, _anything_ that can help us.” Kara looked at her friend hopefully, praying to Rao, to God, to whatever being was up there for her to know something that could help them save Mon-El. Yet the woman shook her head after a couple of seconds of thinking.

“I… I can’t remember anything right now.” Kara’s shoulders slouched as all the hope that kept them up drained from her body all over again. She barely held her tears back and forced a smile.

“It’s okay,” she managed to whisper. “I just thought… Anyway, we’d still really appreciate it if you came to the DEO to give your statement. You’re still one of the closest relatives of Lillian, and as I said, something you say may be of help.” _It has to be_.

“I’ll be there as soon as I get off work.” Kara could only nod gratefully, not wanting to think about another hope leading to nothing.

“Thank you,” she said before turning to the terrace door, ready to leave, when Lena’s voice stopped her.

“Supergirl?” the woman called for her. Kara turned to her, wondering what she would say. There was sadness in Lena’s eyes as she searched the Kryptonian’s face. “The alien wasn’t just under DEO’s supervision, right? He meant something to you.” Instinctively, Kara had opened her mouth to lie, until she realized there was no point in doing that. Lillian must’ve already known that Kara and Mon-El was closer than friends to risk kidnapping him again. And what if Lena told the city that Supergirl had a boyfriend? She couldn’t even care about that. Besides, Lena was her friend.

She nodded. “Yes. Yes, he did.” That was all she said before leaving the room and flying into the blue sky. Yet the following words Lena said still rang in her ears as if it was a death sentence.

_Then I’m so sorry_.

* * *

“Lillian, this is insane!” Maxwell Lord hissed, looking at the woman walking in front of him. “You do realize you’re kidnapping me, right?”

“Oh, and it’s illegal?” Lillian said with a laugh, glancing over her shoulder. “I would’ve thought you’d understand by now that laws aren’t at the top of my priority list.”

“Yeah, I got that, believe me,” the man snapped, struggling with his cuffs. “I still don’t believe kidnapping one of the most well-known businessman in National City is a smart idea. Someone’s bound to notice my absence, and they’ll look for me.”

“Like they’ve been looking for the Daxamite for the last two days?” Lillian chuckled, shaking her head. “They won’t be able to find either of you, at least not until you give me what I want.” She stopped in front of a white door, glancing at Maxwell. She unlocked it and pushed it open, allowing the guard behind Maxwell to push him inside. The door opened to a magnificent laboratory, bigger than any lab he’s ever seen. Even bigger than the labs back at Lord Technologies. On his right, there was a cabinet with all kinds of chemical substances filling the racks, with all kinds of colors ranging from coral blue to crimson, amethyst to burgundy. Next to it was a medical refrigerator, again filled to the brim with flasks and bottles, as well as a deep freezer on the other side of the cabinet. There were test tubes, empty beakers and flasks, more light microscopes than any one person would need—and if his eyes weren’t kidding him, there was also one scanning and one transmission electron microscope. A centrifuge machine sat on a table on the other side of the room, right along with an electrophoresis system, which was used to profile DNA fragments, and a gel documentation system that displays the DNA fragments coming out of the electrophoresis system; a magnetic stirrer to keep chemical solutions at certain conditions. There was also what looked like a thermal cycler, which was a machine used in genetic analysis. When Maxwell turned to left, he also saw a PCR workstation, another machine used to clone and amplify RNA and DNA, and next to it a freeze dry system. And these were only the ones that he could recognize from his position, there was a bunch of machinery that he needed to have a closer look at to determine what they were. But still, it seemed like this place had everything one could need in a genetics laboratory.

He even thought, if provided with the right products, he could recreate red kryptonite without leaving this room. Which was an unnerving thought, at best.

“Welcome to our genetics laboratory,” Lillian said, pulling Maxwell out of his thoughts. The man turned to her.

“I don’t even want to ask how you managed to put together all of this stuff.” Smiling, the woman shook her head.

“Oh, don’t worry about it. None of the equipment or substances in this room was acquired illegally. I put together this laboratory before I was arrested, around the times where aliens still freaked out humans. Many people were willing to fund it.” _I can imagine_ , was all that Maxwell thought as he approached the cabinet, looking at all the chemical substances in there. He could see some common ones and some rare ones, and some that even he hadn’t heard the name for.

“Let me guess,” Maxwell said after a while, turning to Lillian. It was really hard to get around the room with his hands cuffed behind him. “You won’t let me leave this room until I do what you want me to do.” The woman’s smile widened on her face, yet it didn’t reach her eyes. It never reached them anyway, as if those blue eyes were permanently frozen. _Cold_.

“That would be correct. You should have everything you could need here, and if there is anything else you need, there will be a scientist with you. You can request it from him, and he’ll let me know.” She turned her eyes to Maxwell after studying the lab.

“How can you trust that I’ll do what you asked me to do?” he asked with a threatening voice, pointing at the room with his head. “As far as I can see, I also have everything I need to create a poison.”

“That is why there will be a scientist with you in the room, familiar with alien physiology.” Stepping forward, she stared into the man’s eyes. “You will do what I ask of you, Mr. Lord, if you don’t want to lose your life. If I learn that you try anything else in this room, one word from me will get you killed. You can trust me on that.” She reached her pocket. At first, Maxwell thought it might be a gun, yet she only took out a pair of keys and two test-tubes, one filled with a red crystal-like substance and the other with blood. She took off Maxwell’s cuffs. It took all of the man’s self control not to rub his wrists as she lifted the test tube. “Here’s hopefully enough red kryptonite for you to work with. Remember, the Daxamite is invulnerable to red kryptonite, so it won’t work for him. And this is the Daxamite’s blood. Get the substance to work on him, and you’re free to go.” She put the test tubes on the table.

“So you’ll lower the Daxamite’s inhibitions? Why? You want him to cause some sort of destruction in the city?” Lillian smiled, shaking her head. That smile made Maxwell shiver, afraid to hear the answer to his question.

“Yes, and no. I want him to cause a destruction, but not exactly by lowering his inhibitions.” Her fingers trailed on the red kryptonite tube almost hungrily. “I want you to reverse all his feelings.” Maxwell sucked in a harsh breath before he regained his control, hoping Lillian didn’t hear it.

“What are you talking about?” Lillian turned to him innocently.

“You heard me. I want his feelings reversed. I want you to turn his love into hate.” A smile pulled her lips again, almost vicious and definitely emotionless. The following words, even though Maxwell was prepared for them, still felt like a punch to the gut.

“I want him to hate Supergirl so much that he wants to kill her.”

* * *

_Kara woke up in her bed, a blanket wrapped around her. It took her a couple of moments to shake off her sleepiness, wondering why her alarm hadn’t gone off yet. Could she have woken up that early? That literally had never happened._

_Slamming her hand on the counter next to her bed, she searched for her phone, not really wanting to open her eyes yet. Her hand found the little, rectangle device. Opening her eyes like two slits, she checked the time._

_10:48_

_Kara shot up from the bed immediately as her brain registered what she saw, all of her sleepiness suddenly disappearing. No, it couldn’t be true, right? She couldn’t have slept through the alarm? She had superhearing, for Rao’s sake, there was no way she wouldn’t have heard it!_

_She quickly kicked the blanket away, jumped to her feet, and rushed to her wardrobe. “Dammit, dammit, dammit,” she was muttering under her breath as she grabbed the first dress that came to her hand. “Snapper is gonna kill me.”_

_She was just about to tear off her PJs when she heard footsteps approaching her room. She suddenly stopped with her hands holding her t-shirt, turning to her closed door. Someone was in her house. But who could it be? Frowning, she ran through the events of the previous day in her mind, trying to remember…_

_That was when it hit her._ Mon-El. I’ve asked him to stay _. She barely remembered last night, with everything that had happened with the mission and all the crying afterwards. Yet all of that explained why she was feeling utterly exhausted, and why she hadn’t heart her alarm. And Mon-El had been there with her. She remembered him holding her as she cried, reassuring her that she was a good hero and she did everything she could to save the situation. Her cheeks heated when she recalled how horrible she must’ve looked in front of him._

He still didn’t leave _, her brain reminded her. She’d asked him to stay, which was another embarrassing situation she’d ponder on later, and he did. She didn’t even remember going to her bed; she must’ve fallen asleep on the couch while they were watching television. Mon-El had probably carried her to her bed and covered her with a blanket, and slept on the couch. He’d stayed. Suddenly, all that embarrassment turned to gratitude as her door opened, revealing Mon-El with a tray in his hand._

_Apparently he didn’t expect her to be awake, so his steps halted when he saw Kara standing in the middle of the room with her t-shirt ridden up almost to her breasts. Her whole stomach was bare, and Mon-El seemed to be all too aware about that._

_Kara flushed as she pulled her t-shirt down, clearing her throat to get his attention. “Mon-El?” she said with a voice still groggy from sleep. Mon-El shook off his surprise and turned his eyes to Kara’s eyes, two red dots appearing on his cheeks. He managed to smile._

_“Hey, good morning!” he singed happily, entering her room. “I didn’t know you were awake.” Kara couldn’t say anything as she looked at the breakfast tray. There were pancakes on it that looked a little bit too burned, maple syrup, and a cup of coffee, she guessed, from the smell filling her nose. When silence stretched, Mon-El lifted the tray. “I made you pancakes. I tried to follow the directions you’ve given me, but it looks a little bit too brown than yours.” It took Kara a couple of seconds to snap out of her stupor, but then she shook her head._

_“I don’t have time. I have to get to work, like, an hour ago.” She was just about to kick him out of the room when Mon-El stopped her with his words._

_“Oh, about that. Alex told me she’d called in sick for you. You don’t have to go.” Kara’s mouth dropped open._

_“What? She called in sick?” Mon-El nodded, dropping the tray on Kara’s drawer._

_“Yep. Apparently, she’d told your boss something about ‘coughing her head off’. I have no idea what that means but it seemed to do the trick.” He scratched the nape of his neck. “Though she mentioned something about Snapper firing your ass if you don’t come tomorrow, coughing your head off or not, so…” A chuckled escaped from Kara’s lips before she could stop it. Shaking her head, she glanced at Mon-El. How the hell did he manage to make her smile in any situation, no matter how bad?_

_“I will probably go to work tomorrow,” Kara said as she sat back on her bed, throwing the dress away. “But right now, burnt or not, those pancakes smell really good.” She rested her back on the wall behind her bed, scooting to the side so that Mon-El could sit next to him. Smiling, he brought her the pancakes._

_“At your service, my lady.” Kara literally dived into the plate, not even caring about how she must’ve looked. Mon-El didn’t seem to mind anyway as he sat next to her. Silence stretched between them as Kara ate, but it wasn’t an awkward silence. It was comfortable and…soothing. The kind of silence you had when words weren’t required to understand one another. Kara had no idea when she and Mon-El had gotten to that level in their relationship—purely platonic relationship—yet they had._

_When she was around fourth or fifth pancake, Kara slowed down, glancing at the Daxamite. He was watching her intently, his brows furrowed as if he was thinking something. When he caught his eyes, though, the unnerved look on his face disappeared, leaving its place to a crooked smile._

_“So, did you like it?” he asked hopefully. Kara shrugged._

_“Well, it’s not bad, considering it’s your second or third time cooking pancakes. You’re getting a hang of this.” Mon-El’s relieved smile was worth the whole world. Kara cleared her throat, turning her eyes away as a blush crept up her face. “Anyway, thank you… I wanted to thank you for staying with me. Not just until I slept, but the morning too, and for all the work stuff and… What I mean is, thank you. I’m grateful for all of this.”_

_“You don’t have to thank me for any of this, Kara,” Mon-El reassured her, grabbing her hand. “It was a pleasure. Besides, if we pile up everything you did for me, I’m pretty sure I’d be the one that owed you a thank you.”_

_“Okay, let’s just stop thinking about who owes who, and be grateful. Yeah?” Mon-El nodded, turning his eyes to Kara and smiling._

_“Yeah.” They were so close that when he said that short word, his warm breath hit Kara’s face. For not the first time that day, and definitely not the first time since last night, Kara wanted to lean forward and press her lips on Mon-El’s. She still couldn’t forget Mon-El’s kiss on his deathbed. That memory was taunting her almost every waking moment, popping up in her mind at the most inappropriate times, as well as hunting her dreams. She couldn’t remember a night after that kiss where she hadn’t thought of Mon-El, especially if she wasn’t all that tired. She couldn’t let go or move on, no matter how much she tried, and being so close to Mon-El didn’t really help._

_She guessed that was the time her mind decided to middle finger all common sense. She’d wanted this for so long, and it hurt not to act on it at this point. After the emotional night she had, she needed this. She needed him._

_Reaching up, she lifted her hands and cupped Mon-El’s cheeks, searching his eyes intently. The Daxamite seemed to have realized what she was about to do, she could see it in his eyes, yet he didn’t make a move to stop her._

_That was where Kara got her courage from. She pressed his lips on Mon-El’s, slowly and softly, not really forcing anything. It was just a small, chaste kiss, nothing too serious or passionate. It was just like the kiss she remembered. She wondered for a brief moment if Mon-El would deepen it—they were on her bed after all—and what would her reaction be if he did, yet she never had to find out. Mon-El seemed even more surprised than her by what she did, and she was pretty damn surprised._

_When she pulled back, her heart was hammering in her chest as she stared at Mon-El’s face. His eyes were closed and his lips were parted, as if he was in a trance, as if he couldn’t believe what had just happened. He opened his eyes slowly, seemingly afraid that it might not be real._

_“Kara…” he whispered, but Kara didn’t let him continue._

_“You kissed me,” she blurted out, turning her eyes away. Mon-El’s brows arched._

_“What?”_

_“I mean, not now,” she tried to explain, dropping her hands from Mon-El’s face to his shoulders. “When… When you were sick with the Medusa virus. You woke up and you…you kissed me.” She waited for Mon-El to say something, her eyes focused on a spot on the wall behind him, yet he didn’t speak. Curiosity got the better of her as she turned to Mon-El. His expression was unreadable, except for surprise, and Kara wasn’t sure about what to think about all of that. She had no choice but to continue. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you right away. I should’ve—duh—but I was… I was scared, I guess? I mean, you were sick, you were dying, and drugged. There was a good chance you really weren’t aware of what you were doing when you kissed me. You could’ve even been hallucinating, and I was afraid… Once I told you about it, I’d lose you.”_

_“Why did you think…” Mon-El interrupted her before she could continue. Kara could feel how tense his shoulders were under her fingers. “Why did you think that you’d lose me?”_ Oh, Rao, I should’ve never opened up this topic _, Kara thought to herself. Biting her lip, she hesitated before saying a word, just glancing at Mon-El through her eyelashes. Her hesitation wasn’t because she didn’t know the answer, though. It was pretty simple, actually. She liked the kiss. A_ lot _. She was just scared that…that Mon-El might not be feeling the same way._

_“Because I…” she started, but the words got stuck in her throat. She had to clear her throat and shook her head before she could continue. “I liked it. I liked the kiss.” It took all the courage in her to lift her eyes and look at the Daxamite’s face, wondering why opening up about her feelings was much harder than facing any kind of alien. “And I was afraid if…you didn’t like it, then you’d… You know, you wouldn’t want to be around me anymore.” She shrugged, trying to act like the words didn’t affect her much, but her shoulders were too stiff for that._

_“You liked the kiss?” Biting her lip, she nodded, not trusting her voice. “Kara, I…” Mon-El started, only for Kara to interrupt him at once._

_“I didn’t tell you that to make you feel bad, Mon-El. I’d understand if you didn’t feel the same way. Well, you probably don’t feel the same way—why would you—but what I mean is… It’s okay. It’s completely okay. We can continue being just friends, and… Let’s put this behind us. Yeah, we can put this behind us, ignore it, whatever you want. You don’t have to… You don’t have to feel bad about it.” Kara didn’t realize she was holding her breath until she came to the last sentence and she was out of breath. That was when she felt Mon-El’s hand on her chin, forcing her eyes up. She fearfully turned to him._

_“I never said I didn’t like it.” Kara’s heart stuttered, yet no words came out of her mouth. “Kara, I remember the kiss. I’ve always remembered it. I lied to you.” This time, it was Kara’s turn to be shocked._

_“What are you talking about?”_

_“I remember kissing you,” Mon-El said again, slowly. His voice was shaky, and there was a sheen of vulnerability in his eyes, as if he was trying hard not to cry. “I was lying on the bed, and you were leaning over me. I was dying and sick, yes, but I remember… I remember you looking at me intently, with a frown and the crinkle between your eyes, and I’d thought how… How beautiful you looked. Everything was hazy around me, except you, which made you look almost angelic with your… Your golden hair and eyes like…like comets. And all I could think about was that if I died, I didn’t want it to be before I… Before I’d gotten to kiss you. I was terrified of dying, yet it would be okay as long as I… I kissed you. So I did.” He shook his head, dropping his chin. “And then I was saved, I woke up and saw you in front of me, and all I could think about was the kiss. But by then, the dying threat was gone. I was alive and awake, and I had no idea what you thought about the kiss. I thought you wouldn’t have liked it. I mean… It was me, you know? Why would you like it? And that thought scared me, because there was a chance I might lose you after all, that you might not want to see me. I’d lost…everyone, I couldn’t just lose…you too, because of my stupidity. So I lied. I pretended the kiss never happened. I’m sorry.”_

_Kara was speechless after Mon-El finished his speech, his eyes fixed on his and Kara’s hands clasped together. Tears had filled her eyes by then, emotions clogging her throat. She didn’t know what to say. She couldn’t even be angry at Mon-El for lying, because she knew exactly what it felt like being alone. It was understandable why Mon-El might be terrified of losing her._

_That was when he lifted his eyes, looking at Kara’s face. Fear was still there as their eyes met. He shook his head with a painful smile. “Comets,” he whispered, as if he wasn’t even aware of saying it._

_“You didn’t lose me,” Kara managed to say finally, squeezing his hand. “I’m right here. And no matter what, you won’t lose me. I… I like you, Mon-El, and I’m not planning on leaving you. Understood?” Relief was so apparent in Mon-El’s eyes that Kara felt her heart crack. She so wanted to wrap him in a soft and fluffy blanket, and then hug him so tightly that there was no way he would ever be afraid of being alone._

_“Yeah,” he said, nodding. A smile was pulling his lips; a genuine smile that reached one’s eyes. Kara found herself returning his smile as he leaned forward, resting his forehead against hers. “I like you too.”_

* * *

“You’re brooding.” Alex slipped from her thoughts with Maggie’s words, glancing over her shoulder to see her girlfriend approaching her. “Not just brooding, I’m not even sure you’re on earth right now.” A small smile pulled Alex’s lips, only to disappear a couple of moments later. She sighed.

“I was thinking,” she tried to explain as she looked at the file in front of her. Maggie was just behind her by that time, rubbing her shoulders.

“Let me guess, about Kara?” Maggie suggested, leaning over her to see the file. “She isn’t getting any better, is she?” Alex couldn’t do anything but shake her head.

“Nope. She might not be throwing people to walls or breaking their arms, but… Well, she’s spending every second of her day busy with… _anything_. After talking to Lena, she helped with two car crashes, an armed robbery, and a house fire before returning to the DEO, and then she sat next to Winn and worked on her article until it was about midnight. Only with our insistence she went to my place.” Kara still didn’t want to stay at her home, not until Mon-El was found. “I just don’t know how to help her.” Leaning back, Alex rested her head against her girlfriend’s chest, closing her eyes. Maggie kissed her hair before letting her go, and sat on the stool next to Alex’s.

“You’ll figure out a way,” she reassured her, taking the file from Alex. It was everything they managed to gather together about Cadmus and Lillian Luthor. “In the meantime, we can go through the case, see what we can find?” Alex wanted to tell Maggie that she’d went over the file at least three times, yet a pair of fresh eyes couldn’t really hurt. She nodded.

Maggie read the file silently for a while, her hand absentmindedly holding Alex’s and her thumb drawing circles on the back of Alex’s hand. Alex found herself smiling despite everything that was going on, savoring the comfort Maggie’s touch was providing.

“Do we know why Cadmus kidnapped Mon-El?” Maggie asked finally, lifting her head. Alex frowned.

“To hurt Kara. They pretty much hate Supergirl.”

“Well, that’s obvious,” Maggie stated with a small smile, “but they hate all aliens. They want to erase them from the face of this earth. I just don’t understand how kidnapping Supergirl’s boyfriend would do the trick.” Alex wanted to say that Lillian was evil, and she didn’t really need a reason for hurting someone, but she stopped. Maggie was right. Lillian was too smart to kidnap Mon-El out of spite. Besides, this whole situation was planned so well to be just to hurt Supergirl. There must be more to it.

“Well, Supergirl prevented them from killing all the aliens before. Maybe they think that they can lure her in using Mon-El, just like they’d done before, and get rid of her completely. That would make getting rid of the aliens job much easier for them.”

“But they didn’t contact Supergirl,” Maggie objected. “I’m not saying it’s not true, but it seems like this time, Cadmus wants no one to know what they’re doing, or where Mon-El is.” Alex’s shoulders slumped. That was true, they had covered up their tracks too well. “And if they do kill Kara by luring her in, as she was trying to save an innocent person—her boyfriend, no less—it would make her a…a war hero. Supergirl is already beloved, imagine her dying to protect her boyfriend from an evil organization. There would be an uprising against Cadmus. If there were people around National City that weren’t sure about aliens, they would surely stand by them after this. It would be the cheapest ticket to Cadmus’s doom.” Out of frustration, Alex slammed her hand on the table.

“Then what do they want with…” Her voice trailed off at the end as realization seeped in, and all air suddenly left her lungs. _No_. “Oh, my God.”

“What?” Maggie asked curiously, leaning forward to look at Alex’s face.

“You said Supergirl is beloved by the public,” Alex started to explain, standing up. She was too restless to sit down. Instead, she paced around the room. “And she is probably the only reason people are okay with aliens. But…remember last year, when she was affected with the red kryptonite? People abandoned their beloved hero in the blink of an eye, branding her as being rogue and dangerous. What if Cadmus is trying to do the same thing?” Maggie was watching Alex walked around the room, understanding dawning on her face. Her eyes widened with fear.

“Oh, no,” she whispered as Alex continued.

“Kara is already unstable. She broke someone’s arm, which is something she’d never normally do. She’s always angry, and she’d adamant to do anything to find Mon-El. The longer Cadmus has him, the more unstable she’ll become. And finally, she’ll do something that will make her a dangerous alien again, and then…”

“Then the city will abandon her. They’ll abandon all aliens and rail for Cadmus.  
Maggie finished Alex’s words, standing up.

“Opening a path for Cadmus to get rid of them. If all the public gather together against aliens, there isn’t much government, or DEO, can do to stop Cadmus.” Alex’s lips were parted, partly with fear and partly with shock, as Maggie shook her head. She pushed her hair back.

“Cadmus isn’t just trying to hurt Kara,” she whispered. “They’re trying to get the city to hate aliens.”


	9. poisoned

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!
> 
> Sooo guess what? I accidentally wrote a really long chapter, with 4720 words, again. Honestly, if I managed to write this long this efficiently for school project, I would've gotten an A in all my subjects :) Anyway, this chapter I wanted to delve more into Mon-El's situation, because it's about to get interesting after this point, and I love writing chapters from his POV. 
> 
> Oh, and as a side note, the information I used about brain's response to love and hate was what I'd managed to find online. One thing that really puts me off in TV shows/books is when they develop/do something and doesn't explain the science behind it. Again, I'm not a neurobiologist, just a high school student, so I apologize for any mistakes I've made in that area. 
> 
> Enjoy!

It was the first time Mon-El left his prison cell ever since he was kidnapped. At least, that was what he’d assumed, since he spent most of the day sleeping. He was on a hospital cot, his body tied to it in order to keep him in place. The straps around his ankles and his chest didn’t create much of a problem, but the ones around his wrists… Every time he tried to move his hands, a wave of pain shot through his arm, so much so that he had to clench his teeth to keep himself from grunting. _Lead cuffs_ , he thought. _How nice of Cadmus_.

He had no idea where he was being escorted to. The only thing he knew was that as he was eating what looked like bread, five guys had barged into the room, detained him and tied him onto a cot, right after they covered his mouth with a tape and put a bag over his head. Even as he tried to fight them, he wasn’t strong enough.

_Kara would be strong enough_ , he thought, not for the first time. _She would’ve fought back, she would’ve stood up to them, she wouldn’t just submit_. He remembered what he’d told her at one of their training sessions, months ago.

_You punch really hard_ , Kara had said after they finished a simulation. He’d flashed a smile at her. _Not as hard as you_ , he’d answered, and then grinned. _Yet_. Kara had frowned teasingly at his statement. _Ever_ , she’d argued. It was supposed to be just a joke between two friends, and it had been then, yet Mon-El saw the truth in her words now.

_I’ve never been the hero. I should’ve never pretended to be one_. That was what he was thinking about for the last couple of days. That, and of course Kara.

The first day he was in that cell, before losing his strength, he’d told his kidnapper that he had friends that would come and save him. And he didn’t have a shred of doubt that Kara and the DEO was looking for him. That was the bad part, though. After the initial shock of the kidnapping had passed, he realized he didn’t want Kara anywhere near this situation. They’d kidnapped him too easily, too efficiently. And obviously, they’d managed to hide Mon-El’s whereabouts, or else this place would be swarmed with DEO agents in a second. This was planned, and the people behind this were resourceful. Kara couldn’t get caught up in this.

He might not be a hero, but he loved Kara, and that was enough for him to know that he’d die to keep Kara away from this if it came to that. Oh, and if he had a say in the matter.

His cot turned right, and he heard a door open. He was trying to keep track of the way they were moving him around, even though he couldn’t see his surroundings. At the very least, if the place they took him turned out to be not-so-nice, he’d know where not to go if he had that chance. _Left, right, a door. Left, right, a door_.

Another door opened not too long after, his cot was wheeled to right again. This time it took the guys a little bit more time to fit it through the door, so Mon-El assumed it wasn’t just a door along the corridor. They brought him into a room.

“Took you long enough,” a man said as the cot stopped moving. Mon-El’s steady heart rate suddenly went up as he recognized the utterly familiar voice. _It’s him. Kara’s friend_. He had no idea what the man was doing here, or why he was brought to the man’s room, yet he couldn’t think any of that. His veins were buzzing with excitement and anxiety, his fingers twitching as he struggled to control them. He reminded himself that they weren’t alone in the room. The man said that he was Kara’s friend, and he’d been kind to him. That didn’t extend to the others in the room.

Even the man could be playing him, to get him talking. About what, though? The man knew who Kara was, and that meant he probably knew about the DEO as well, Alex and J’onn, even maybe Winn and James. There couldn’t be much Mon-El could tell him that could jeopardize his friends.

So what was this whole thing about?

“I hope he won’t be breaking out of those chains,” the man continued. Mon-El heard footsteps approaching him, and in a couple of seconds the black bag was pulled off from his head. The first thing he saw was _white_ , like a white beam of light was shot to his eyes. Blinding. He had to blink several times to adjust his eyes.

“He won’t, sir. The cuffs are made of lead.” It was one of the guards that brought him to the room. Yet he wasn’t the one Mon-El had his eyes on, he was looking at the familiar face of the man hovering above him. It was the same black hair—actually, Mon-El now noticed it was not black but a dark shade of brown—and blue eyes staring down at him with indifference. As if he didn’t have a care about the world. The Daxamite didn’t know what to think at first. _Was he lying? Is he one of my kidnappers? Does he know Kara, or Supergirl, at all?_ Yet when the man looked up to the guards, he understood. He couldn’t show affection to Mon-El, not in front of people. It would be too suspicious, and probably would put the man’s life in danger. That must be the explanation of the man’s complete lack of emotion.

At least Mon-El hoped so.

“Good. Now leave us. This place is too small for eight man and an alien. On a bed.” The guards bowed their heads slightly in obedience as they left the room, shutting and locking it behind.

The room fell silent for a moment, with the man still standing over Mon-El. He turned to the Daxamite slowly, and the look of indifference on his face… It was replaced with desperation, helplessness, _guilt_. Mon-El didn’t even want to know what was going on, yet by the locked door he was guessing he wasn’t the only one that was forcibly staying here.

“Help me bring him by the brain scanner,” the man said finally, looking up at someone. Mon-El turned to the guy in question, as much as he could without hurting himself, only to realize that it was actually a woman. Her blond hair was tucked into a tight ponytail. She had blue eyes, not the same color as Kara’s though, lighter, _icier_. She was dressed in a white, long coat that Mon-El saw doctors wear back in the DEO, along with black sneakers. _Cold_ wouldn’t be a strong enough word to describe him.

“I still don’t understand why you need him to perform your experiment. Can’t you just use the blood and the red kryptonite you have?” With the woman’s—whom Mon-El decided to hate before she even said a word—question, the man sighed.

“I needed the DNA to make sure the substance doesn’t poison him. To get the red-lead to work, I need to make sure he responds the way we want him to. Which is where his brain comes into play.” Mon-El could only watch, not even being able to ask what they were talking about because of the tape on his mouth.

“You really think you can change the chemistry of an _alien’s_ brain?” The man shot a look at the woman.

“That is the hope. I managed to do it with Supergirl.”

“I don’t believe you can turn someone’s love into hate,” the woman objected, causing Mon-El’s heart to skip. _Love into hate? What are they talking about?_

“Which is why you’re not the one doing this. Didn’t Lillian tell you just to observe and not make a sound?” Mon-El saw the woman roll her eyes, but she stayed silent. They placed him next to a table with several strange devices, including something that looked like a computer screen. Mon-El had no idea what any of them were.

_The man wouldn’t hurt me_ , he thought desperately. _He said he was Kara’s friend. He wouldn’t do anything to her boyfriend_. Yet looking at the man, Mon-El wasn’t so sure. He didn’t look like he was particularly enjoying what he was doing. The Daxamite had seen… He’d seen Cadmus using him to get Kara to solar flare. What if they were holding something against this man as well?

But what were they gonna do to him?

“Just out of curiosity, how are you planning on doing this?” The man sighed exasperatedly with the question, lifting his head with a bunch of wires in his hand.

“As unbelievable as it may be, the same parts of the brain that respond to romantic love also respond to hate: the putamen and insula. Hate and love are actually very similar if you look at it, both are passionate and make people do outrageous acts. However, the ‘hate circuit’ also involves the structures of the cortex that are involved in aggressive behavior, and frontal cortex, which is less active when we love someone. It seems like our reasoning and judgment is impaired when we love, but not when we hate. So if we find a way to somehow activate these parts of his brain when he sees Supergirl, maybe we can get him to hate her.” The Daxamite’s heart stopped with those words for a second, until it started pounding frantically. He could feel his face paling, his eyes widening as he searched the face of the man, to see if he was lying. _No. You can’t do that. It’s impossible_.

It should’ve been impossible, right? Love and hate… Nobody could force you to feel those emotions. It was about… It was about you, and the person you felt those emotions to. He loved Kara for who she was. He loved her for her compassion, for her heroism, for her strength and faith and love, for her forgiveness and… And all of her. So unless they figured out a way to change all of that, there was no way Mon-El could hate Kara. Not on earth, not on any planet, or in any _universe_. He loved her, he loved her, he loved her.

_But what if they do?_ He couldn’t even wrap his mind around it. He didn’t understand half the things the man said, especially about parts of the brain, yet if…if science really had anything to do with love, and if their plan worked, then… Would he have a choice? Would he be able to fight back? He didn’t know, he didn’t want to know.

He struggled with his cuffs, trying to break them, looking at the man desperately. He didn’t even feel the pain of his wrists now. _Don’t do it. Don’t do it. Please_. That was all he could think of. He couldn’t hate Kara. She was the only good thing that had happened to him, the only person that truly cared about him and believed in him, he couldn’t ruin that. _No_.

“Oooh, we’ve pissed him off,” the woman said with a smirk. “He doesn’t like your idea, Maxwell.” The man—Maxwell—groaned as he shook his head, handing the woman some of the wires.

“Of course he doesn’t like that, what did you expect? It may be hard for you to believe, but aliens have emotions too. And I told you not to call me that. I’m Mr. Lord for you.” Mon-El heard the woman answer with a snarky comment, yet all of the words blurred together in his mind, making the sentence impossible to understand. He kept his eyes on Maxwell, hoping everything he felt showed on his face. _Please_ , he pleated with his eyes. _Don’t do it. Don’t do it to us_.

Maxwell didn’t say anything as he started attaching the cables to his head, yet Mon-El could read the apology in his eyes. It was almost like he was saying: _I’m sorry. I don’t have a choice_.

But right at that second he slipped something into Mon-El’s pocket. The Daxamite wouldn’t probably have felt it if he wasn’t so focused on the man, yet he could see the flash of paper slipping into his pocket before the man turned to the machine beside him. He was acting nonchalantly, as if he hadn’t just given the kidnapper something, and it was all that Mon-El could do not to give up anything. He had no idea what was in that paper, but the man surely wouldn’t risk it if it wasn’t important, right?

He wouldn’t know until his hands were freed from the cuffs, though. And from the look of it…

It didn’t seem like he’d be himself when that happened.

* * *

The first thing Alex did as she arrived at the DEO was to make sure Supergirl wasn’t there. She’d checked up on her sister before coming to work, learning that the Kryptonian was at CatCo, yet one couldn’t be too careful. She just couldn’t let Kara hear this conversation.

The second thing she did was stroll into J’onn’s office, with Maggie trailing behind her. She’d managed to take off from work for a couple of hours to help her girlfriend and the DEO.

J’onn seemed surprised when he saw the two women entering, yet the words that Alex said surprised him even more. “We figured out why Lillian kidnapped Mon-El.”

So here they were, sitting in J’onn’s office with the door close, just the three of them. Alex didn’t want anyone else to know about this, especially not Kara. It could break her, knowing her actions were exactly what Lillian wanted them to be. Knowing that she inadvertently went with the Luthor’s plan. Or even worse, it could motivate her more to find Mon-El as soon as possible and put an end to all of this, which might end up with her creating an even bigger mess than she did in prison, and once again give Lillian what she wanted. No, Alex couldn’t risk that. And she knew J’onn was pretty much the only one she could trust with her secret, since Winn wasn’t so good at secret-keeping and DEO agents tend to gossip those kinds of things among each other. If Kara was in the wrong room at the wrong time, she could hear someone whispering about it.

So J’onn it would be.

“I thought we already knew why they kidnapped him. They’re trying to hurt Supergirl,” J’onn answered to Alex’s statement. Maggie jumped in.

“That’s true, but there’re a million better ways to hurt Kara than this. Torture videos, brief phone calls that end too soon, showing her Mon-El’s wounded photos… Those were bound to come up to the news. But they’re keeping him all to themselves. This isn’t just about Supergirl. This is about what the city thinks about aliens.”

“Think about this, J’onn. Kara… She wasn’t herself in the last two days. She hurt people deliberately and didn’t give it a second thought. Lillian didn’t try to use Mon-El as a bait to lure Kara out, because she knew getting kidnapped while trying to save her boyfriend would make Kara a hero. She wants the city to stop seeing her as that. Just like they did when Supergirl was affected with red kryptonite.” The last two words widened J’onn’s eyes before understanding seeped into them. He cursed under his breath.

“They’re trying to make her go off the rails.”

“So that the city will hate her.” J’onn shook his head as he leaned back on his chair, crossing his arms. He sighed.

“There’s something else,” he said, and his tone suggested it was nothing close to good news. Alex’s ears perked up.

“Please tell me they didn’t hurt Mon-El,” she said. Even though her voice was matter-of-factly, she actually dreaded that idea. She didn’t want to know how Kara would react if Mon-El was… _gone_.

“No, it’s not that. It’s about Maxwell Lord. He’s kidnapped.” Maggie frowned.

“The CEO of Lord Technologies that has a not-so-secret hate for aliens?” she asked. Alex would’ve smiled if she wasn’t too focused on the information that J’onn gave her. _Maxwell Lord. Oh, no_.

“Not just that, he also developed the red kryptonite.” She shook her head. “This can’t be a coincidence.”

“Wait, so you’re saying Lillian kidnapped the man that _created_ the red kryptonite? To do what?” Alex really did not want to know the answer, yet J’onn voiced it for her.

“To lure Supergirl out and affect her with red kryptonite again?” J’onn suggested. “That would definitely get the city to hate her.” Alex shook her head.

“No, we still have the red-beam gun thingy Max used to cure Supergirl. That would be useless, as red kryptonite takes some time to fully control Supergirl. We can fix her before he does something crazy. And now that they have Max, they would know that.”

“Then what does she need with Maxwell Lord? Not sex, I hope.” Alex shot a glare at Maggie with her words, seeing her small grin. She managed to smile as well, yet it disappeared quickly when she saw the horrified look on J’onn’s face.

“She needs him to do the same thing to Mon-El. What red kryptonite does to Kara.” Alex froze with those words, leaning forward.

“What?” J’onn shook his head, slamming his fist to the table.

“Think about it. As you said, if Kara died trying to save her boyfriend, she’d be a hero. If Lillian killed her in an attack against the aliens or the city, she’d be a hero. But if an alien _attacked_ Supergirl, and she couldn’t stop it, it would be the reverse. A fight between a Kryptonian and a Daxamite is bound to have casualties, and we both know Kara wouldn’t be able to hurt Mon-El. So Lillian will send Mon-El against her, without Cadmus’s name on it. If he manages to kill Supergirl, the city would be freaked out of him and probably all aliens, which would allow Cadmus to get their power back by promising to get rid of the threat. And if he doesn’t kill her, that kind of fight would still freak out everyone, especially if Kara shows compassion towards a crazy alien on a murder spree. The city would still rally against aliens. And let’s say we managed to detain Mon-El before that. If we can’t find a way to fix him, it would make Kara go off the rails, make mistakes, hurt people. Especially if Mon-El taunts him with his words. I don’t think the same beam-gun would work on Mon-El, since he’s allergic to lead and not kryptonite.” He stared at both Maggie and Alex, who were frozen with fear by then.

“Either way, I can’t think of a way that this ends well.”

* * *

By the time Kara strolled into her floor at the huge CatCo building, she was aching for some alone time. Not only she had to walk through the crowded streets of National City—she didn’t risk flying to her workplace—but she also couldn’t relax while getting coffee with an exceptionally long line for 7 a.m. in the morning, or in the elevator filled with CatCo employees, all of which had the elevator stopping every couple of floors. She was thinking of barging into her office, shutting the door behind and enjoy a moment of silence.

Of course, that was exactly when James saw her and caught up with her, before she could arrive at her office.

“Kara, what are you doing here?” he asked, a fake smile plastered on his face. Kara probably would’ve been able to see the concern hidden behind in his eyes, if she’d bothered to look up that is. She only sighed, rolling her eyes.

“Um, working? Being a superhero doesn’t earn you much,” she said, her voice completely devoid of emotion. Maybe except slight annoyance. She wanted to add, _as you would know_ , but then decided against it. She still wasn’t okay with the idea of James and Winn going out there and risking their lives. She promised not to stop them, but that didn’t mean she’d support them. Yes, in Barry’s universe, Oliver and his team might not have powers as well, but in their city _no one_ had powers. So what Oliver did was understandable, fighting against the villains of his city when no one else did. But James? He didn’t have to go out and fight, risk his _life_. Not when Kara was around, as well as Mon-El and J’onn. James wasn’t bulletproof, or anything proof really. Kara could withstand gunshots, knives, beatings; she could stop cars and move fast; most of the time she didn’t have to worry about someone overpowering her, shooting her, stabbing her, punching her, running over her with a car, or even dropping a building on her. She could survive all of that. Mon-El could survive all of that. James couldn’t.

So yeah, she wasn’t okay with it, but for now she was keeping quiet, hoping she would be fast enough to save James if something like that happened.

“Two days after your boyfriend is kidnapped? You should’ve stayed home.” Kara rolled her eyes, willing herself to walk as fast as she could without looking weird.

“I have an article to give to Snapper. Besides, I came here yesterday as well.”

“That doesn’t make it healthy,” James objected.

“I’m invulnerable, James. I’ll be fine.” She was just about to slip out of James’s side and enter her room that James’s fingers wrapped around her arm, stopping her.

“I wasn’t talking about physical health, Kara, and you know it.” He raised his eyebrow, as if challenging Kara to object. The Kryptonian clenched her teeth together as she looked at her friend. Deep down, she knew that he was only looking out for her—and she wasn’t exactly in the right mind too—yet ignoring or avoiding that fact was far easier than to accept it. First of all, she would have a far easier time coping with something if she denied its existence. Second of all, it really wouldn’t help anyone, not her and especially not Mon-El, for her to accept she wasn’t okay, that she was barely holding on and felt sick to her stomach, and all she wanted to do was curl up in a ball somewhere, close her eyes and ears to the world, until this whole thing was over. Oh, how would she want all of that. To open her eyes one morning to see Mon-El next to her in the bed, playing with her hair and smiling down at her, and this whole situation was solved without her even realizing.

Yet if she thought that, curling up in a ball and crying would be the exact thing she would do, and she couldn’t risk that. She was DEO’s best chance at finding Mon-El, she couldn’t give up despite her feelings. Which was why it was easier to pretend they didn’t exist at all.

“Yes, I do know it, James,” she snapped, talking between her clenched teeth. “But me staying at home and stopping living my life won’t help anyone. At least by being here, I’m _doing_ something. So let me go and do my job, okay? I have an article to give to Snapper.” Her words were harsh, her voice emotionless, as she kept her gaze on James. Unlike most people, it took James a lot longer to cave into her look and step back, letting her go.

“Fine. Do whatever you want, Kara.” That was the last thing he said before he left, leaving Kara alone with her thoughts.

Sighing, Kara entered her office only to drop her bag and coat on her chair, before grabbing her article and getting out of the room. Clutching the papers in her hand, she went to Snapper’s office before she changed her mind about everything she wrote in there, and whether it was okay to publish all of that information.

She didn’t back down. Instead, she went into the office and dropped the article on Snapper’s desk.

* * *

Winn had entered the DEO considerably later than the time his shift was supposed to start. It was around 9 a.m. when he found the time to sit down in front of his computer with a Latte in his hand. He never enjoyed coffee much, but even he could admit that one needed it after sleeping only 4 hours. Even if it was only Latte.

Unfortunately, he only had one moment to breathe before he saw J’onn and Alex approach him.

“Winn,” Alex called for him. “You’re late.” Winn groaned, burying his face in his hand.

“You know, you could’ve given me one moment to relax before rushing over here. And FYI, I stayed here until seven p.m. yesterday trying to locate the van that they kidnapped Mon-El with, so I deserve being late.” He turned his eyes to J’onn, coming across with his harsh stare. “But of course, it won’t happen again. Sir.”

J’onn shook his head. “It’s okay. That’s not what we want.” He glanced at Alex before continuing. “Maxwell Lord has been kidnapped.” That sentence took Winn out whatever sleepiness he was in and made him straighten up.

“Wait, _Maxwell Lord_? The Maxwell Lord that created Bizarro, red kryptonite, and tried to get rid of Supergirl over and over again?” Alex rolled her eyes with a sigh.

“Yes, _that_ Maxwell Lord. We suspect that Lillian might be behind this.” Winn blinked.

“Whoa, that was unexpected. Why would Lillian want to kidnap him? Or _how_?” Alex hesitated before she answered.

“We’re not sure about that. Apparently, two days ago, he left work around 5 p.m., saying he had an ‘important meeting’, and nobody had seen or have been able to contact him after that. And considering his history with aliens, it isn’t such a stretch that Lillian would kidnap him.” Alex stopped, looking at J’onn as if to get his permission to continue. “We suspect she might be trying to use red kryptonite on Mon-El.” Winn’s mouth dropped open with her words. He took a deep breath.

“Oh, no. That doesn’t sound good.”

“You don’t say,” Alex muttered under her breath before J’onn interjected.

“I’m guessing we don’t need to tell you not to mention this to Supergirl, Agent Schott, right? We don’t want her to get anxious for no reason if we’re wrong.” Winn could only nod as an answer, yet something in J’onn’s face and the way Alex averted her eyes when he looked at him suggested there was more to it than just not getting Kara anxious. Yet he didn’t question because Kara was already stressing too much over Mon-El’s kidnapping; he didn’t want to add another burden on her shoulders.

“And we need you to try and locate Mr. Lord. According to her assistant, he was driving a black Volkswagen, plate…” He had to look at his phone before he answered. “5ALN015.” Winn nodded immediately, turning to his computer.

“Do you want me to put out a bolo?” J’onn nodded absentmindedly.

“Yes. The sooner we find the car, the better. We don’t want Mon-El to suffer through the effects of red kryptonite.” Winn started typing on his computer as J’onn and Alex left.

“Hey, guys?” he called from behind them before they got far away. They turned to him. “Maybe you could talk to Lena about Maxwell Lord and Lillian. She might not know anything about Cadmus, but that doesn’t mean she won’t know about her family’s relationship with him. She might help us.” J’onn, after thinking for a brief moment, agreed.

“That’s a good idea. Alex, make sure you take care of that. Personally.”

“I’m on it. Maggie and I will go see her.” Alex’s and J’onn left after that, leaving Winn alone with his computer, security cameras, and a black Volkswagen with a plate of 5ALN015. He really hoped he would be able to find the car before Kara found out about the red kryptonite, or worse…

Mon-El was poisoned.


	10. keep the world spinning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another long chapter! (around 5100 words)
> 
> I hope you like it!

_Mon-El thought he had never been happier. Yes, there were times on Daxam that he was truly happy, that his smiles weren’t forced, his laugh genuine, and he felt content with what he had. Yet none of them compared to what he felt with Kara. It probably was ridiculous and maybe a little bit cliché, but that didn’t change the fact that every time he was around Kara—or thought about Kara, or heard her name, or saw anything that was remotely related to her—he couldn’t help the buzzing in his veins, the butterflies flying around in his stomach, and the huge bubble in his chest that made him feel like he could do anything he wanted. It was bliss._

_And all the hardships both he and Kara had to go through to get where they were now made him appreciate it even more. The destruction of both Daxam and Krypton, the prejudices they had for each other—the product of the blinded hate of their planets—and trying to overcome those prejudices by opening a blank page, but their past always catching up to them… It wasn’t a particularly easy thing to get over all of that._

_Yet they somehow did. And right now, they were in Kara’s apartment, lying down on the couch, with Kara’s head snuggled to Mon-El’s shoulder and his arms around her waist. She hadn’t tied her caramel hair, so it was all over Mon-El’s chest and even tickling his nose every now and then, yet he didn’t mind. This felt peaceful._

_“What time is it?” Kara mumbled, taking Mon-El out of his thoughts. Mon-El smiled absentmindedly as he looked at the clock across the room: The only reason Kara would be asking that question was that she was too lazy to open her eyes and look at the clock herself._

_“Around 7:15. Shouldn’t you be at work at nine?”_

_“Uh-huh,” Kara answered, snuggling into Mon-El’s embrace even more. The Daxamite chuckled._

_“Maybe you should, I don’t know, start getting ready? Didn’t Snapper tell you that if you were late once again, you could say goodbye to your reporting job and go back to being a secretary?”_

_“Uh-huh.” Mon-El found himself smiling._

_“You aren’t listening to me right now, are you?”_

_“Uh-huh.” With a sigh, Mon-El pulled his arm away from Kara’s waist and straightened up, resting his head on his hand. He looked at Kara’s peaceful, sleeping face. Her hands were tucked under her head, her lips slightly parted, and a strand of her hair has fallen on her eyes. Mon-El had decided, the first time he’d seen her sleeping, that she was one of the most beautiful people he’d ever seen. But not beautiful in the sense of having a good looking face or body, beautiful in the sense that…that it made you_ feel _good. Kara’s beauty didn’t come from her caramel colored hair, comet-like blue eyes, or her strong body: It came from who she was and what she did._

_“As much as I like to lie down here with you the whole day, I don’t want you to lose your job for me,” he said after a couple of seconds, patting Kara on the shoulders. “So come on up.”_

_Kara moaned in complaint as she pried her eyes open, glancing up at her boyfriend._

_“Buzzkill,” she grunted, not even attempting to straighten up. Mon-El frowned at her unfamiliar word._

_“Um… I have no idea what that means, but I’m gonna guess and say it isn’t a good thing.” Kara rolled her eyes as she sat up, looking back at her boyfriend. He was still lying on the couch, supporting his head on his hand. She put her hand on his chest._

_“It means you’re ruining my fun,” she explained before leaning forward to put a kiss on his lips. “But I might forgive you if you can make me some breakfast. With coffee.” She stood up to stretch as Mon-El lifted his brows._

_“You trust me not to burn the kitchen?” he asked, reminding Kara of something she’d said a couple of days ago:_ I’ll handle the dinner; I don’t want my house to burn right before movie night _._

_Kara shot Mon-El a glare before sighing. “Just make cereal. That doesn’t require you to open the stove.” Smiling, she walked to her room, leaving Mon-El in the living room._

_By the time Kara came back with her work clothes and glasses on her face, breakfast was ready. Cereal was pretty much the first thing Mon-El learnt how to make, as it didn’t require anything else but pouring cereal and milk together in a bowl. The bitter coffee smell had also filled the room. Mon-El had quickly found out how obsessed humans were with coffee, and despite the fact that the drink didn’t affect him, he liked to drink it here and there._

_“Wow. You didn’t burn the kitchen,” Kara said jokingly as she took her place next to her boyfriend. She was wearing a sun-yellow dress that ended right above her knees, paired with flats that were a little bit lighter yellow, and of course her glasses. Her hair was tied in a braid that hung down her right shoulder. When she smiled up at Mon-El, he thought with her yellow dress and all, she resembled the sun._

_“As you said, cereal doesn’t require heat.” He returned her smile before gesturing at the table. “You can sit down, I’ll be there in a moment.”_

_Kara sat down, and in a couple of seconds Mon-El joined her with coffees and cereals. “Here you go.”_

_They ate silently for a while. But it wasn’t the kind of uncomfortable, awkward silences that Mon-El heard a lot about. In fact, there was something soothing about it, knowing that you were with the person you loved. And when there was that kind of a bond, no words were needed to establish that. It kind of happened on its own._

_While that was true, Mon-El’s mind wasn’t entirely comfortable. There was a question he’d been pondering on for the last couple of days, especially after what happened at that jewelry store._ You did your best out there. You may have superpowers, but you’re only one person, _he’d told her, and how true that was. Kara was alone when she went out there, trying to stop criminals and aliens alike. Not only she could get hurt, but one person was easy to overpower, even someone as strong as Kara. She was fast; she had super-strength, x-ray and heat vision, and freeze breath; yet still she couldn’t be in two places at the same time. And no doubt in the future there would be a situation where she might need to be in two places. Say, both protecting civilians and stopping criminals._

_She couldn’t be alone. Mon-El didn’t want her alone out there. Maybe it was selfish, deciding to become a hero just so that he could help Supergirl—and maybe along the way become the person that might be worthy of Kara’s love—yet that didn’t change what he wanted._

_“Um, Kara? Can I ask you something?” he started after a couple of minutes. Kara lifted her eyes from her bowl with her mouth full. She frowned._

_“That sounds serious,” she commented after swallowing her bite. “Shoot.” Mon-El lifted her brows. “I mean, ask the question,” Kara corrected herself, realizing the Daxamite still needed time to get adjusted to Earth’s vocabulary._

_“Well, I was thinking… You know, when you first started training me, you said it was because someday I might want to use my powers for good.” Kara narrowed her eyes._

_“Uh-huh,” she said suspiciously, urging him to continue. Mon-El took a deep breath._

_“I was thinking that maybe I would want that. I mean, maybe… I wanna be a superhero.” Kara’s brows shot up as she blinked, putting her spoon aside._

_“Say what?” she said with a soft chuckle. Mon-El took a deep breath, smiling excitedly._

_“Like you. With a name and an outfit. Maybe a cape.” Kara didn’t say anything for a while as she searched Mon-El’s face, probably to see if he was being honest._

_“You’re serious,” she stated finally. It was more of a statement rather than a question, yet Mon-El still nodded._

_“Yeah. I wanna help you keep the world spinning.” He took a deep breath, playing with his spoon. “Remember when I told you I wondered why I was the only one that survived Daxam?” Kara nodded briefly without saying anything. “Maybe this is the reason. So that I can help people here, use my powers for good, and…prove that I was spared for a reason.” Compassion filled Kara’s eyes as she smiled, holding Mon-El’s hand. She squeezed it briefly._

_“For what it’s worth, I was glad that you were spared,” she said, earning another smile from Mon-El before getting serious. “You’re gonna have to listen to me.” Her voice was stern—at least as stern as she could manage with joy shining in her eyes. Mon-El scoffed under a smile as he glanced at Kara. Clearing his throat, he covered his mouth with his hand jokingly._

_“I will listen to you,” he said as quietly as possible, making Kara laugh._

_“Mon-El,” she complained. The Daxamite shook his head._

_“I’m serious. I will.” The happiness he saw in Kara’s eyes compared to nothing._

_“Good. Then we’ll start tomorrow.”_

* * *

There was a photo tucked in the windowsill of the training room. Kara had forgotten the existence of it, until she decided to come into the room and she caught the sight of it from the corner of her eyes. Now she couldn’t stop staring at it.

The photo was a picture of her and Mon-El taken with one of the cardboard models they used for their trainings. More specifically, J’onn’s cardboard model. The first time Kara took it out and Mon-El saw it, he couldn’t help laughing. _Wow_ , he’d said, _you really nailed Hank’s disapproving non-smile_. Despite Kara promising herself that she’d stay serious, that she’d show Mon-El that he couldn’t take training lightly, she couldn’t help chuckling at that. It was a soft chuckle, yet it was one.

And it felt good. Being around Mon-El generally felt good, even before they were together. Kara wasn’t exactly a perfectionist, yet when she donned her cape she sometimes tended to take things too seriously. As Mon-El had told her once, it felt like she was carrying the weight of worlds on her shoulders. All the lives she was supposed to save, people she was supposed to protect, criminals she had to stop… It weighed you down. Having someone like Mon-El, who sometimes could be annoyingly careless, helped with that. They balanced each other out perfectly, with Kara helping Mon-El shake off his carelessness and be more responsible, and Mon-El lifting the weight off Kara’s shoulders and making her smile more. _We might not have been perfect individually, but we were perfect for each other_.

Seeing the photo only reminded her how much she missed him, and how much she wanted him by her side. She never believed that people could need each other like they needed air to breathe, yet now she understood how it felt. Without Mon-El, it felt like a part of her was missing. Something was wrong. There was this pit in her stomach, an empty pit, and she just couldn’t fill it in. All the weight that she didn’t even realize she was sharing with Mon-El now had fallen on her shoulders. It was hard to keep going, to keep her shoulders up and her chin high. To pretend like she was _fine_.

She also hadn’t realized how easily one could get used to the presence of another person. Mon-El hadn’t even been on earth for more than a couple of months, and they’d only started dating three months ago. It wasn’t a lot of time. That didn’t change the fact that she missed him, so much, too much.

Probably that was why she wasn’t carrying a photo of him around. Of course there was her phone and all the photos inside, and there was one hard-copy photo at Alex’s house that she kept under her pillow, but she’d made sure there wasn’t any on her that she could accidentally glance at. It was just a reminder of what she’d lost.

_Temporarily_ , she reminded herself. _It’s only temporary_. _We’ll find him. We have to_.

Averting her gaze from the photo, Kara looked around the training room—where they’d done too many training sessions together—as pain constricted her chest. She had to take deep breaths to get sufficient oxygen, yet even that wasn’t working. Why did she think coming here was a good idea anyway?

_I needed to punch something. That was it_.

Closing her eyes, she once again thought about the article she wrote about Lillian Luthor’s escape. _All the secrets I’ve revealed_ … _I should’ve asked for permission._ Yet she knew the answer she’d get. _No_. With every word she wrote in that article she took a big risk, which would either…well, the outcome would either be the salvation of aliens, or the destruction. She didn’t know which one it would be. It was yesterday she handed in the article, and Snapper still hadn’t gotten back to her.

She was just about to leave the room when she heard a familiar yell coming from the main hall. “I found the car!” It was Winn’s voice. Kara’s heart skipped a beat as she moved to the door. _Winn found something_ , was all she could think about. Granted, it might not have anything to do with Mon-El, yet J’onn had made a point in the last few days to get him to work exclusively on that situation, so it had to be related. Right?

Kara rushed to the main room to see what was going on. Her pace was faster than usual even as she tried to reduce it to a human walking speed, so much so that people would understand she wasn’t human easily even if they didn’t pay attention. Yet she couldn’t stop herself.

“Where is it?” came J’onn’s voice, quieter than usual. Kara was only steps away from the cortex.

“That’s the strange thing. It’s in the parking lot of Lord Technologies.” Kara’s steps halted briefly, right at the entrance to the main room, with the mention of the company. _Lord Technologies?_ She couldn’t have heard it right, could she? It couldn’t be the same Lord Technologies that Maxwell Lord owned? The guy that wanted her dead for almost a full year before deciding to give up and helped her at the last second? What could that have to do with Lillian?

A bad feeling seeped into Kara’s stomach as she stopped instinctively, waiting to hear rest of the story. _If J’onn immediately knew what Winn was talking about, this must’ve been going on for some time_. And if they didn’t tell her…

Kara tried not to think of the worst.

“What? That doesn’t make any sense.” J’onn rested one hand on his waist as he ran his other hand over his head. “For how long?”

“It seems like…” Winn started, his fingers flying on the keyboard. It took him another couple of minutes before he answered. “It reentered the parking lot last night, around 3 p.m.”

“Who brought the car back? Is it Maxwell Lord?” There was another silence, this time for about a minute as J’onn and Winn, Kara assumed, watched the footage. Then came Winn’s excited exclaim.

“Aha! You can hide your face, you can wear black, but you can’t escape Winn’s sight.” There was a time Kara would’ve laughed at the enthusiasm the IT specialist had over little things, yet this time she couldn’t even force a smile. It took Winn about seven beats of his heart—and a couple dozen of hers—for him to answer. “And that’s not Maxwell Lord. At least not if he didn’t dye his hair blond.”

“He didn’t,” J’onn answered, almost absentmindedly. Kara could see that his chin was ducked, as if he was thinking. She heard him inhale deeply. “It must be Cadmus, trying to throw us off from their backs.”

“Well, they are succeeding,” Winn muttered. “I can’t find anything about them, not even in the dark web. It’s as if they’ve disappeared from the face of this earth.”

“But they didn’t.” J’onn sounded determined as he faced Winn. “They didn’t disappear; they have Mon-El. We need to find him…not even as soon as possible, we need to find him _yesterday_.”

“I know,” Winn said, and for once his voice was serious. “I know how serious this is, and I’m trying! I know what the consequences will be if we’re too late. Now that we can assume they have red kryptonite.” Kara’s heart stopped with Winn’s last words, her ears not quite believing what she’d heard. _Red kryptonite? No, no, no, that can’t be true_. Why would Cadmus have red kryptonite? Why would they need it? Yes, it hurt Kryptonians, but as far as Kara knew Mon-El might be immune to them? So why would they…

_They also captured Maxwell Lord_ , her brain reminded her. _If he managed to create something that affected Kryptonians, who says he can’t create something that affects Daxamites?_ Her heart lurched in her chest.

She wasn’t thinking as she stepped out into the main room.

“Red kryptonite?” she called out. It was a bit louder than she’d intended, but it caught Winn and J’onn’s attention all the same. “You said they got red kryptonite?” Her gaze was on Winn as his eyes widened.

“Red…kryptonite?” he sputtered, glancing at J’onn as if he was asking for help. J’onn’s face completely emotionless. But not in the cold kind of way. It was as if… It was as if he didn’t know what to do. “I didn’t say red kryptonite. Did I say red kryptonite? J’onn?”

Before J’onn could answer, Kara jumped in. “I _heard_ you, Winn. I have super hearing.” Her gaze traveled back and forth between J’onn and him. “I heard everything.” For a while following her words, no one said anything. J’onn and Winn were sharing a gaze as Kara waited for them to explain. She bit her lip. “Cadmus has Maxwell Lord,” she said matter-of-factly. “And you knew it since?” It took Winn a couple of seconds to answer.

“Since yesterday morning,” he muttered under his breath. Kara pressed her lips together as she let that sink in slowly. _Yesterday morning. They’ve known Lillian wanted to use red kryptonite on Mon-El since yesterday_ morning _, and they haven’t told me_.

“Yesterday _morning_?” she said, crossing her arms. “So you knew Cadmus wanted to use my _boyfriend_ as a red kryptonite lab rat for almost two days and you didn’t tell me?” She lifted her brow, challenging Winn.

“We were gonna tell you!” the IT specialist objected, straightening up. “We just… You know, we wanted to have substantial evidence before we…told you.”

“When?” Kara snapped. “When were you going to tell me? After it was too late? After Cadmus poisoned Mon-El with that…that _thing_ and he went on a murder spree? Or after we had to capture him and throw him in a cell? _When?_ ” Winn couldn’t say anything for a moment as he sat there, with his mouth open, before he pulled himself together.

“We didn’t want to hurt you, Kara,” he hissed quietly, only loud enough for Kara to hear, as he stood up. He’d gotten as close to Kara as…well, based on the situation, as he dared. “We didn’t want you to go out there and lose yourself again.”

“Agent Schott,” J’onn warned Winn quietly, even though his shoulders were slumped with defeat. Kara… She could only blink with Winn’s accusation.

“You didn’t want me to lose myself? _Again_?” she asked with a nervous laughter. She shook her head. “That’s your excuse for not telling me?” A part of her knew Winn didn’t deserve her anger, he was just trying to help her as best he can—and he even might be right about Kara not being completely herself—yet that was so far back in her mind that she couldn’t even think about it. All she could think about was Mon-El, how he was still in Cadmus’s hands for around a week now, who was probably hurting and felt abandoned, and whom Kara could not help even if she tried so hard. And now that… Now that she’d found out the damned organization planned to use red kryptonite on him… She just couldn’t wrap her mind around it. She didn’t want to. Instead, she focused on her rage of not knowing about this sooner, of her friends hiding valuable information about her boyfriend’s whereabouts from her.

“That’s not an excuse, Supergirl, and you know it,” Winn answered her question. His voice was slightly raised now. “You were distracted for the whole week. Even when you were out there, you made mistakes that could’ve cost human lives. You either hesitated too long before you acted, or you rushed into a decision. You weren’t thinking clearly. And besides all of that, you deliberately hurt someone, Kara. You broke that prison superintendent’s arm. Are you telling me that is who you are?”

“No, that’s not who I am!” Kara snapped suddenly, clenching her fists. “I’m not myself, Winn, and I won’t be myself until we find Mon-El and make sure he’s okay. He’s gone—my _boyfriend_ is gone—and you just expect me to act like nothing’s going on? Like I’m okay? Because I’m not.” She laughed, but there was nothing humorous about it. “I miss him. I miss him so much and it hurts. He’s on my mind every second of the day, and I wonder if he’s hurting too much, if they’re experimenting on him, or taunting him. I wonder if he still has hope that we’re looking for him or if he thinks we just gave up on him. I wonder, every single minute, if he’s alive or not, if I’ll get to see him again and tell him exactly how much he means to me. So yes, I can’t think clearly, because I don’t know what to do, okay?” Tears had welled up in her eyes by the time the confession left her mouth, leaving Winn stunned. She kept that in, the feeling of desperation, so much so that it had snapped. “The single time when I’m supposed to be my strongest, I’m supposed to have a handle on the situation, I don’t. I can’t find him, I don’t know where he is, I couldn’t even protect him. I’ve never felt more helpless and useless, not even when I lost my powers.”

Kara was out of breath by the time she finished the speech, tears spilling down her cheeks. She didn’t mean to fall apart, especially not in front of anyone, yet… How could she explain it? _It was too much_ didn’t seem to cut. Even too much had a limit at some point. It was a quantifiable measure that one would use when, say, they talked about money. You could say that a politician earned too much money, but they didn’t earn _infinite_ amount of money.

The pain Kara was feeling inside… That felt infinite. It was piling on and on each day, each minute, each second; it was piling on with each bad news she got and every single idea they had that yielded nothing; it was piling on every time she walked down the halls of DEO, she went out there to stop criminals, and didn’t see Mon-El by her side as he always used to be; it was piling on every time she opened Alex’s fridge to get some club soda and remembering all those times Mon-El brought her a bottle of it… It just kept piling on and it didn’t _stop_.

It wouldn’t. Not until they found Mon-El. She might not need him to survive, but she needed him to _live_. Right now, her life didn’t look like _living_.

“Supergirl, you’re not alone in this,” J’onn said after a moment of silence. Kara dropped her chin, trying not to look at all the DEO agents who were not-so-subtly staring at the scene in front of them.

“J’onn’s right,” Winn agreed. “We’re with you, Kara.” He put his hand on Kara’s arm and pulled her into a hug. Kara wanted to hug him back—Rao knew she needed a hug—yet her arms weren’t moving. She could almost hear her heart screaming; _these are not the arms I want_. And that was the damn truth. “We’re your friends, and we’ll always be with you, okay? Trust me on that.” Kara lifted her eyes to look at her friend, who had pulled back from the hug by then. She couldn’t even pretend to force a smile, or thank Winn. She shook her head.

“It’s not the same,” she whispered. “I know you’re my friend, I know that all of you are with me, but… But it’s just not the same.” _Mon-El is different_ , she thought. _And I need him_.

* * *

Lillian was surprised when Romaine, the blond scientist she ordered to watch Maxwell Lord, came to her and told her that “Mr. Lord has finished the poison”. It had been only five days since she’d told him about the red kryptonite, and a little bit less than four days since she’d locked him up in that lab. Granted, he had a lot of time in his hands and too little distractions, yet four days was still a big accomplishment. She was even suspicious in the beginning before Romaine assured her that Maxwell hadn’t tried to do anything that they didn’t ask him to.

_It seems like for once he followed the instructions_.

Excitement was buzzing in Lillian’s veins as she walked, with Romaine right behind her. She had concocted a plan to get the red kryptonite done in a month, and now they were three weeks ahead of the schedule. She couldn’t be happier. _The sooner we get rid of that Kryptonian, the sooner we can start ridding our earth of aliens_. Once the earth was cleansed, Lillian was sure that the public would thank her. Aliens were like a disease that looked benign at first, what with Supergirl and her Daxamite pet fighting to protect people, and most aliens generally—seemingly—not causing any problem, yet this wouldn’t continue for a long time. Eventually, aliens were bound to see that they’re stronger, faster, _better_ than humans and want to take over the world. The seemingly benign disease would explode, spreading all over the world like a malignant cancer, and the humans would be, well, too weak and slow to stop it. Just as early detection in cancer was crucial to getting rid of it before it killed you, acting upon this problem as soon as possible was crucial as well.

Lillian stopped in front of the laboratory’s door, producing a key from her pocket and entering the room. She immediately saw Maxwell Lord standing at the opposite side.

“Finally,” he started, pushing himself away from the wall he was leaning on and straightening up. “I was beginning to think you weren’t going to come.”

“I just had a few questions for Romaine,” Lillian dismissed the question, stepping forward. And there it was, the Daxamite, lying on the hospital cot with a bunch of wires protruding from around his head. He seemed like he was sleeping. “She explained to me that you found a way to turn his love to hate?” Maxwell nodded curtly, hands in his pockets.

“It wasn’t that hard. The red-lead, as I like to call it, will have the same effect on him as the red kryptonite had on Kara; it will lower his inhibitions and make him more susceptible to negative feelings. I just added a spice on it, which was activating the ‘hate circuit’ in his brain. Since he likes Supergirl, and the same parts are activated in ‘love circuit’ as well, when he sees her the effect of hate should double, since the activity of his brain would double. The combined effect will get him to hate Supergirl, trust me.”

“Good,” she quipped. “When will he be waking up, so that we can proceed to the next step of our plan?”

“Any minute now.” His eyes turned to the Daxamite as his eyelids started twitching, and in a couple of moments his eyes were open. Slowly, he rose from the bed, up to a sitting position. He pulled the wires off his head.

That was when Lillian realized his cuffs were off. She frowned, her heart skipping a beat. “Why isn’t he cuffed to the bed?” Maxwell just shrugged and dismissed the question, his curious eyes on the Daxamite.

“I don’t like it when innocent people are tied down.” He looked at Lillian. “Besides, I needed him to be uncuffed for my plan to work.” At first, Lillian didn’t think he meant anything other than her plan of getting rid of the aliens, yet something in Maxwell’s eyes, a flicker of light, told her that it wasn’t the case. At all.

Yet she couldn’t really focus on that as she saw the Daxamite standing up. Without any lead in the vicinity, he looked muscular and strong, but most of all… He looked _alien_. There were red veins under her eyes, moving and shifting as if there were worms walking under his skin. Though he looked much, much scarier than worms, because…

The first time Cadmus captured the Daxamite, he’d been terrified and vulnerable. He was weak with the lead, but it wasn’t just that. He had _feelings_ that made him vulnerable. He had emotions.

This creature that was now standing in front of her… He didn’t seem like he felt anything. It was like he wasn’t even capable of love. There was such iciness, such hate in his grey-blue eyes that Lillian took a step back. She didn’t even want to be in the same room with him.

“Oh, and I forgot something,” Maxwell added, distracting Lillian for a second. “I didn’t just get him to hate people she loved. The effects of the poison also doubles the hate he already felt before.” A smirk appeared on the man’s face. “And, well, he always hated you.”

Lillian could feel the truth of that as she turned back to the Daxamite. His teeth and fists were clenched as he took a step forward, hurling a table to the wall to clear his path.

Lillian didn’t even have time to turn around and start running before the Daxamite’s hands wrapped around her throat.


	11. supergirl and superboy

_Rage_. That was all the Daxamite felt as he stood in the middle of the room, with a body in front of him. The woman’s body was sprawled on the floor with her legs on top of each other, her arms on her side and her head lying in an awkward angle from her body. He barely registered who it was— _Lillian Luthor_ —and why the corpse was under his feet— _he’d snapped his neck_ —but all those thoughts were jumbled together. All he knew was that even the sight of the woman flared up nausea and fury inside of him, kicking up his adrenaline and fight-or-flight instincts. But this time, he didn’t want to escape. Hate was burning in his veins, coloring everything in the hues of red and black, images blurring together in his mind, so much so that he was only vaguely registering his environment. He was only acting on his feelings, and all he felt was _hate_. Unending, unconditional hate. It had peaked when he saw the woman, and then subsided when he killed her, yet it was still there, it was still nagging him. His hands were itching for destruction, to burn everything around him down. It felt like only that could calm him.

He heard someone call his name. _Superboy_ , he was saying. _That’s you, isn’t it? Mon-El?_ He could hear the words clearly, yet he couldn’t really register the words. Blinking, he turned around to see who it was. He couldn’t recognize the man; all he saw was bright red eyes and pale pink skin. He had to blink several times before a flash appeared right before his eyes, a feeling of warmth that wasn’t alike the hate fire in his gut. Something was associated with the man, something he couldn’t get rid of, like two…two comets in the sea of red. He could see it well enough, yes, but he couldn’t just point out exactly what it was.

His anger subsided—only briefly. Yet that brief moment was enough for slightly logical part of his mind to maybe not take the reins, but at least steer them in the better direction. He didn’t want to kill the man. He wanted the man to _survive_.

Instead, he turned around to the door; the door he was brought into the room. _Escape_. He would get out of here, this place, that he couldn’t associate with anything good. The rage returned, burning his stomach, as he took steady—but fast—steps towards the door, ripping it off its hinges.

And he walked, he walked out, without caring about anyone standing in his way, without noticing the alarms ringing in his ears, without seeing the red lights flickering above—he was already seeing enough _red_. All he wanted was to get out.

Get out and find the comets. Find that warmness. If not… Then figure out another way to get rid of the rage inside.

* * *

Snapper had called Kara two days after she gave him the article. The Kryptonian had no idea why it took him so long, since the man liked to point out every horrible thing about her articles almost as soon as he received them. Yet, as she entered Snapper’s office, she saw that this time she wouldn’t get scolded.

This time, Snapper had a serious look on his face, and a file in his hands. Her article.

She tried not to look at it as she turned his eyes to her boss’s face. “You called for me, sir?” she asked, her voice hoarse and emotionless. She wondered if it was still obvious that she’d cried herself to sleep the previous night.

After she found out that Cadmus was planning on using red kryptonite on Mon-El, she’d rushed out of the DEO and flew over National City for what felt like hours. She’d muttered to Winn to call her if something came up, and she spent the night rushing from one crime scene to another, stopping two robberies and a hostage situation. And then, after checking in with the DEO, she’d went to Alex’s home, buried herself under a blanket and let the tears fall, at first silently before the sobs started shaking her body. She was only glad that Alex was still in the DEO, trying to fix this red kryptonite situation.

Kara guessed Alex’s news was what threw her off the rails.

She and Maggie had come from Lena Luthor’s interrogation around the time she returned to the DEO. She was beyond the point to be angry at them for suspecting Lena once again. The woman was her friend, yes, but that didn’t change the fact that her mother had kidnapped Mon-El.

“What did you find?” J’onn had asked when Alex came back, alone. She looked almost defeated as her eyes turned to the Martian. She shook her head.

“Nothing tangible. Lena told that Maxwell Lord and her mother did know each other, but their relationship was purely professional. She doesn’t even know how she could’ve caught him.” Alex had then noticed Kara, her eyes filling with pain. “Supergirl…” she’d whispered as she reached for her hand. Kara had bitten her lip to keep herself from crying.

“So there’s nothing?” she croaked. “No lead whatsoever as to where they are?” Alex shook her head again.

“I’m sorry.”

She’d snapped with those two words. Two words that meant _nothing_ in the end. You could say you were sorry to a man dying from thirst in a desert, but that would neither save him nor make him feel any better. Granted, it wasn’t exactly the same situation, but it was close.

“It’s okay,” she barely managed to say, her voice foreign to her ears. She’d forced a smile. “We’ll find him.” She did not believe one word of that.

She let the memory slip away before she faced Snapper again. He was eyeing her, searching her face before he opened the file. And there was her article.

“Fifteen police officers unemployed and two prison guards dead in Lillian Luthor’s escape,” he started, reading from the paper. “Lillian Luthor kidnapping an alien. This… This new guy out there.” _Superboy_ , Kara thought desperately. _He is Superboy. His name is Mon-El_. “Lillian Luthor regrouping Cadmus, the alien-terrorist organization, secretly, in order to try getting rid of aliens again. And this prison superintendent being in line with all of that.” He lifted his hear, looking at Kara with questions in his eyes. Kara cleared her throat.

“You wanted me to find something other than him helping Luthor escape,” she began to explain almost too calmly. “Here it is.”

“I can see,” Snapper said, straightening up. “Most of what you’ve written here, I haven’t heard anywhere. And in contrast with everything you’ve written before, this was supported with clear evidence that not only proves what you’ve said, but also lays it on a solid ground. I’m just wondering how you gathered together all of this in such a short time.” A couple of days ago, before Mon-El was kidnapped, that question might’ve thrown her off and she might’ve babbled a bunch of nonsense as excuses, yet this time she was ready. She also didn’t care much what Snapper thought she did for the article.

“I have resources; I don’t need to name them.” She sounded almost cold as she looked up at Snapper. She took a deep breath. “You wanted me to write about how Supergirl beat up a clearly guilty man, making her seem like the criminal of the story. But that’s not who I am. I believe in Supergirl, I believe she’s a hero, so when someone comes to me with a story to incriminate her I’ll get to the bottom of it. I’ll follow my heart and find the truth. Now that article shows that the superintendent was not just a criminal, but a thoroughly bad guy, and I’m not writing some piece that makes Supergirl look bad for the sake of him.” She stood her ground as she stood a bit straighter and crossed her arms. Almost challenging Snapper to disagree. The man looked up at her for a couple of seconds before sighing and dropping the article on the table.

“I’ll let that go for now, since you’ve brought me a front page worthy article.” Kara blinked at his words, not expecting him to say that at all. It might’ve been the nicest thing he’d ever told her, not even the nicest _compliment_. Pride filled her chest as she smiled, savoring the feeling of this little good news after a week-load of bad ones. “Don’t smile just yet. You still have a lot of work to do.” He gave her another file. “And another story to follow.” Kara gratefully took the file, welcoming any distraction from feeling utterly helpless, and anything to do other than standing around in the DEO as others ran around and actually did stuff that helped Mon-El while she did nothing.

So she went out after briefly thanking Snapper, letting the door shut behind her. Yet, with her superhearing and all, she didn’t miss it when Snapper muttered under his breath. “Atta girl, Danvers.”

* * *

Maxwell Lord felt disgusted with the sight in front of him, and if _he_ felt disgusted, it meant something. Yet anyone on the face of the earth, even the coldest, most careless person, would feel a twinge of sickness.

Bodies. There were bodies lining the corridors of Cadmus headquarters, one in at least every thirty feet. Max stopped counting at about seven. Almost all of them were in guard uniforms, yet barely one or two of them had time to take their guns out of the holsters—indicated by the weapons lying beside them—and probably more than half didn’t even realize what hit them as…

As the Daxamite—Mon-El, was it?— _killed_ them.

Max wanted nothing more to avoid the bodies, but he had no choice. The Daxamite would’ve cleared a way for him, and as bad as it had been, this was the safest way to get out of the building. And then, when he went back home, he could go to the DEO and explain what happened here. Explain what was going on with Mon-El, what Max was forced to do, and how to reverse it. That was what wrote on the paper that he slipped into Mon-El’s pocket: the cure for Mon-El’s red-lead poison and the address of the headquarters.

In case he didn’t make it. In case, in a fit of rage, the Daxamite didn’t just kill Lillian but also murder him as well. All he knew as he changed his brain chemistry was that his hate for Lillian would be so strong for Mon-El to fight the rage and stop himself from killing her. He wasn’t sure what Mon-El felt about _him_ , though. He had just hoped the Daxamite didn’t feel strongly enough about him, in a good or a bad way, so that he wouldn’t trigger any hate in Mon-El. Not like Lillian did.

Not like Supergirl _would_ if they ever faced each other. And Max knew Mon-El’s reaction to Kara would be far worse than his reaction to Lillian had been.

Which was exactly why he needed to get out of here and cure him before that happened. He owed the Daxamite that; his feelings wouldn’t be his choice. His love for Kara would flare up the supposed “love” in his brain, but because of what Max did, it wouldn’t fill him with good, fuzzy feelings. Instead, it would just amp up his hate and his rage, probably causing him to attack Kara in a vicious way. He loved Kara too much.

It had been obvious by the way he had pleaded with his eyes all the time Max worked on his brain. Pleaded him to stop, to not do it. He was scared of hating Kara, but it wasn’t just about that. He was also terrified of what he might do to her, hurt her, and even…

_Even kill her, maybe_. Max could kid himself however much he wanted, tell himself that Mon-El’s love for Kara prevail and he wouldn’t at least kill her, yet he was too pragmatic to believe any of that. He’d killed Lillian way too easily, way to emotionlessly. He’d acted on his instincts.

And he loved Kara way more than he hated Lillian. The effect would be much, much stronger.

Max knew he didn’t want to be around if he ever came across her.

He slipped away from his thoughts when he stepped on something squishy. His stomach twisted as he shut his eyes, stepping back. He really didn’t want to know exactly which body part he stepped on, yet his gaze found their way to the floor.

It was a heart. A crushed heart, so much so that it barely looked like one. Yet the body with the chest ripped open right beside it…

And the worse thing was, this wasn’t the worst condition of a body he’d seen. There was one with its head almost ripped off, like that Nearly Headless Nick character from Harry Potter, with only a thin skin holding the head and the body together. There was another one with head crushed like a watermelon. One had its arm cut off. And there were more broken necks than Max dared to count.

None of them were cold, cunning kills. They were violent. Bloody. Vicious. Like the kills of an animal. He wasn’t acting logically, he wasn’t _thinking_ or _reasoning_. He just did what his feelings told him to.

Thinking about that, Max hurried his steps, not only to get out of the damned prison once and for all, but also to get to Mon-El as soon as possible. He didn’t need a feral alien in National City.

Especially not one he let loose.

* * *

_Mon-El got the call right around the time he was leaving DEO to go to the alien bar. It was 4 p.m., and his shift started around 5. Or would’ve, if Kara didn’t call her._

_“Hey, beautiful,” he answered cheerfully, tucking the phone between his ear and his shoulder. He saw many people do that on Earth, and the first few days he tried to do the same with his brand new phone—J’onn had said he needed one, and Kara had taught him how to use it—but it slid down every single time. It took him more than two dozens tries before he got it right._

_Kara chuckled at the nickname. Mon-El had gotten a habit of calling her “beautiful”, or sometimes even “princess” every now and then, and he knew that she liked it. He just liked seeing her face lit up and the corners of her lips curl into a smile._

_“Hey, you’re not busy, right?” she asked, obviously walking. Mon-El frowned as he straightened up._

_“Yeah, what’s up?”_

_“So, I was thinking that maybe it’s time for you to go out in the field. You know, with me.” Mon-El stopped with her words, the phone almost slipping down his shoulder. At first he thought he’d heart her wrong. She couldn’t be suggesting going out to_ fight _, right? He didn’t even have a suit ready yet. He only told her that he wanted to be a superhero a week ago._

_“Are you serious?” he asked, chuckling nervously._

_“Yep. I mean, we’ve been training for weeks now, even before you decided to become a hero. I think you’re ready.” She stopped for a second. “Besides, you’d once told me that I was only one person and couldn’t be in two places at the same time. You were right, and I think… There’s this hostage situation in the National City Bank, and I might need your help.” She stopped, probably waiting for Mon-El to answer._

_The Daxamite didn’t know what to say at first. His heart was slamming against his ribs as fear suddenly grasped it. He wanted this, of course he did, yet he didn’t think the day would come this…quickly. Kara said he was ready, but… Was he, really? Or would he mess it up, like he messed up many things in his life?_

_But could he run away, again, after everything that happened? That was all he did on Daxam. When there was something he didn’t like, that he didn’t agree on, he ignored it instead of trying to change it. He couldn’t do that, not anymore. Not with… Not with who he wanted to become._

_“Send me the location. I’ll be there,” he promised, hoping his fear wasn’t audible. He could almost feel Kara beaming through the phone._

_“Great! Don’t be late.” She hung up, only to send the location of the bank a couple of seconds later. Mon-El vaguely remembered the address from the booklet of National City Kara gave him._

_Taking a deep breath, he shut his eyes. “Okay, Mon-El, you can do it,” he muttered to himself, grabbing something more comfortable than jeans to wear. “Besides, Kara will be there, right? She’ll help you.” At least he was hoping those were the truths._

_Before he could get scared and stay instead of going, he pushed the door open and headed out, using his super-speed to get to the bank. Right as he arrived at the doors, he saw Kara landing just a couple of feet away, clad in her Supergirl suit and cape. Her hair tumbled down her shoulders as her eyes found Mon-El. They instantly filled with light when she saw him. And Mon-El knew that he’d never get used to that: The joy that Kara felt upon seeing him. He wasn’t used to_ anyone _being so happy to see him._

_But Kara wasn’t anyone._

_“You came,” she inquired as she walked up to him, her cape brushing her thighs. Mon-El tucked his hands to his pockets to hide his trembling fingers._

_“Nobody’s more surprised than me,” he joked, repeating their conversation from weeks ago, when he… When he first saw that he couldn’t continue being selfish. It was probably the first time he realized his feelings for Kara went deeper than friendship. And seeing her lying in that hospital cot after the Parasite’s attack, knowing that he wasn’t there to protect her when she needed his help because he was out there being selfish, running away from responsibilities, and using his powers for his own good… He felt revolted of himself, like he’d never felt before. He felt like he’d failed Kara after she believed that he could be a hero._

_He promised himself that he wouldn’t do it, not again. He would be worthy of her. Granted, it had been a process and he’d still made mistakes after that, but hopefully he’d get there. Hopefully one day he’d be a hero like Supergirl._

_“Well, I’m gonna have to agree with you on that one, because I’m not surprised at all.” Mon-El’s heart skipped a beat with those words, but before he could ponder on them Kara stepped towards the building, changing the topic. “Alex told me that there were three gunned men inside with around a dozen hostages, most of them bank employees.”_

_“Great,” he muttered under his breath as he turned to Kara. “So, what do you need me to do?” The Kryptonian knitted her brows as she looked up, as if trying to decide._

_“You take out the gunmen,” she said finally. “I’ll get the hostages out.” Mon-El nodded as they walked up to the doors. Kara got ready to kick it open, but before that she turned to Mon-El. Her eyes were compassionate, even worried a little bit._

_“Be careful,” she told him. “Their bullets might have lead inside.”_ That was just what I needed _, Mon-El thought, yet he still followed Kara as she kicked the door open, almost ripping it off the hinges. Mon-El followed her closely behind._

_He’d never been more grateful for his super-speed just as much as he did at that moment, because… He didn’t really have time to think as he took in the scene in front of him. Kara was right, there were three gunmen with their guns pointed at the hostages, all of them wearing black ski masks. The moment they heard Supergirl and he enter, though, the guns turned to them._

_“Supergirl,” one of them gasped before Kara slammed at him, sending him flying to one wall. Mon-El took the other, the one that was gaping at the scene in front of him. He grabbed the man’s gun and twisted his arm just like Kara had taught him. With a shriek, the man let the gun go. Mon-El threw the thing as far away from them as possible before landing a kick on the man’s stomach. He stumbled back and fell down on his back as Mon-El turned to the other guy. He seemed like he had a better control of the situation. He actually managed to fire a bullet. Mon-El ducked as he felt the bullet pass right above him. He then slammed himself to the man, landing a punch on his stomach. The man crashed into the wall behind, hitting his head before falling down on the ground._

_After Mon-El made sure the guy was passed out, he spun around to find Kara. And there she was, leading the hostages out of the building quickly but efficiently, making sure along the way that nobody got hurt or was shot. “Alex, call the police and the paramedics,” she ordered to her sister as she ushered an eleven-year-old girl out. The girl was looking at Supergirl with such awe that Mon-El felt a smile pull his lips. He was pretty sure he had a similar look on his face, probably mixed with pride and joy. Kara somehow always managed to surprise him with her compassion, selflessness, and bravery, no matter how many times he’d seen her put her life out there with others._

_He was just about to go next to her to help her, celebrate their first mission together going swiftly and successfully before he heard a sound coming from the left corner of the bank. From a door. Mon-El whipped his head around only to see a guy emerging with a huge duffle bag hanging from his shoulders, a gun in his hand. A gun pointed at the hostages._

_Kara didn’t seem like she noticed him. She was too focused on the hostages. Even though most of them were out, there were still three inside that could easily get hurt._

_Mon-El didn’t think as he rushed forward. He heard the gun clicking as the man turned the safety off. He would shoot. He would shoot at the hostages. Kara wouldn’t get hurt, yes, but that didn’t extend to the three humans there._

_Mon-El grabbed the gun before the guy even had the time to shoot, ripping it off the man’s hands. He seemed shocked as he stumbled a step back. “What the he—“ he started, yet didn’t have time to finish as Mon-El’s fist connected with his jaw. He went down quickly after that._

_“That was for trying to hurt my girlfriend,” he told the guy as he threw the gun on the floor. “No one gets to do that.”_

_So there were four gunmen after all._

_Kara appeared behind Mon-El barely a couple of seconds later. He looked up at her. “Are the hostages—“_

_“They’re safe,” Kara reassured him, smiling, beaming. “That was really well done,_ Superboy _.” Mon-El lifted his brows before he laughed._

_“Superboy? Really? You couldn’t come up with a better nickname?” Kara shot him a look before elbowing his chest._

_“Well, Superman was taken,” she chided jokingly with a relaxed smile on his face. “Besides, Supergirl and Superboy go together better.” Mon-El found himself smiling as well as they walked to the door to get out when they heard the police sirens._

_“That is true,” Mon-El agreed with a nod. “A boy from Daxam and a girl from Krypton, right?” Kara’s smile turned to a grin that extended from one ear to another as she reached for his hand and grabbed it, threading her fingers through his._

_“Supergirl and Superboy,” she muttered, as if trying how the words sounded. “You know what, I can certainly get used to that.”_

* * *

Kara was in her office when her phone started buzzing in her pocket. Frowning, she quickly took out her phone, only to see that it was her sister. She straightened up, her Supergirl senses perking up. Alex would’ve never called her in the middle of the day if it wasn’t an emergency.

“Alex, what’s up?” she answered, already on her feet and exiting her office.

“Alien attack,” Alex explained, “in front of National City Bank.” Kara nodded curtly, pressing on the elevator button.

“I’m on it. Give me a couple of seconds.” She went to the roof quickly, dropping her clothes to the side and flying up into the air.

She landed merely ten seconds later on the street while a memory seeped into her mind without her intention. _We’ve had our first mission together_. _Supergirl and Superboy_.

She quickly shook it off _. I don’t need any more depression or pain_.

Pushing her hair away from her face, she looked up, and there the alien was. She couldn’t exactly see the creature’s face—it was blocked by the Range Rover he was carrying. Kara quickly checked their surrounding, taking in the damage. There was a light pole sticking out of a building, two cars on top of each other, and the alien looked liked he was about to add the Range Rover as the third car.

“Hey, you!” Kara yelled, stalking forward. The alien stopped rotating the car, turning to the sound. Narrowing her eyes, Kara aimed her heat vision on the car. The vehicle exploded in a matter of second, showering the buildings around with debris. Luckily, there were no civilians around. Kara made sure to check that before she heat-visioned the car. “Stand down!”

The alien—the utterly, irritatingly familiar looking alien—looked up at the Kryptonian. That was when recognition hit her, when her eyes met with the alien’s stormy eyes. Her eyes widened as she gaped at the alien, not wanting to believe what her eyes were seeing. She blinked several times, as if when she closed her eyes, she’d find herself in her bed and this would only be a terrible nightmare.

But no. The image stayed. The red-rimmed eyes stayed. The red veins covering the alien’s eyes stayed. The ripped clothes, the messy hair, and the…the rage and fury in his eyes stayed. They didn’t leave.

The name was only a gasp on her lips.

“Mon-El.”


	12. love and hate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING!!! This chapter contains a lot of angst. Prepare your tissues.
> 
> Enjoy :)

“Mon-El.”

Kara’s heart was pounding in her chest as she stared at the sight in front of her. She couldn’t believe it, she didn’t _want to_ believe it. _No, no, no. I’m dreaming. This is it. I’ve fallen asleep in front of my computer at CatCo, and this is just a nightmare_. She wanted so badly for that to be true that she closed her eyes tightly, counting to three before opening them.

But the scene in front of her was the same. Well, _almost_ the same. Mon-El was a couple of steps closer to her.

Kara felt dizzy, her feet frozen. She couldn’t move. She could barely think clearly. There was no mistaking _what_ had happened to him.

Red kryptonite. He was poisoned with red kryptonite, or something like that.

“Supergirl?” Alex’s voice echoed in Kara’s hear, yet she could barely hear it. She stepped forward as tears pooled in her eyes.

“Mon-El, is that you?” she asked, her voice quivering. She hated it, she hated sounding weak and she absolutely hated the tears in her eyes, yet it was… It was Mon-El. How could _anyone_ expect her to stay strong?

“Kara, what the hell is going on there?” Alex hissed, presumably before turning to Winn. “How long will it take to get that security footage, Winn?”

“I’m working on it!” Winn shot back. Kara ignored their words as she took a step forward, her eyes searching Mon-El’s face with any kind of emotion, anything that suggested…that suggested he wasn’t entirely gone. But… But everything she saw in those gray-blue eyes, the eyes that used to look at her with such awe and love that she felt like she was truly capable of doing anything, now looked at her with such…such _hate_ that she couldn’t even begin to describe it. There was rage boiling in his face, in his clenched fists and tense posture. Rage was _pouring out of him_ , and Kara knew he wasn’t just enraged because of whatever Cadmus did to him, whatever they poisoned him with. He was enraged at _her_ , hated _her_ , with what seemed like every fiber of his being.

Kara hadn’t seen that kind of hatred in his eyes, not even when they first met and she locked him up.

“Mon-El,” she called the Daxamite’s name again, her voice strained with tears, with fear, with the pounding of her heart and the sweat on her palms. “Mon-El, it’s me. Ka—Supergirl.” _Your Kara_ , she thought. _Your girlfriend, your mate, your lover, and much, much more than that_.

Mon-El didn’t say anything for a while until his face twisted, and a low growl escaped his lips. Like a feral animal that saw a threat against his own.

_No, not even like that_ , Kara corrected herself internally. _At least animals has a purpose behind their growling. A reason. This… This is blind rage_.

Mon-El hated her. He _hated_ her.

“Oh my God,” Kara heard Alex gasp through the comms, but to her ears it was only like a background noise in movies that you only faintly noticed and probably wouldn’t make a difference if it was there or not. “He’s infected.”

_You don’t say_.

Kara opened her mouth to say something, anything, to try and remind Mon-El of who he truly is, but she didn’t have time. Not even one second before she saw the Daxamite rip a road sign from the ground and throw it to her, full power.

She barely escaped it by jumping to the air. Desperately she looked at Mon-El. He seemed like he would’ve blasted her with heat vision if he could do it.

The gaze still tore through her heart, and the pain, despite not being physical, was still as excruciating.

“Mon-El, please!” she yelled before she saw him grab a motorcycle. “You don’t have to do this.” Her voice was trembling with desperation.

_“You don’t know,”_ he fumed as he threw the motorcycle. Kara caught it before it crashed into a building, and then threw it to the ground. _“You don’t know how I feel.”_

“I know you,” Kara disagreed. Tears threatened her eyes, yet she pushed them back violently. She landed a couple of feet away from him. “I know you love me.”

_“No,”_ Mon-El disagreed as he rushed to her, throwing a punch. Ducking it, she spun around, in time to catch the next punch to her face.

She waited for instinct to take over. It would come at times like this, and without even realizing she would be twisting her opponent’s arm and throwing them to the ground. She even knew exactly what she was supposed to do to take Mon-El down, she knew each and every move and could do it without her instincts, yet…

She was frozen. She’d been ready to take him down, she’d even _started_ to twist his arm, when she’d lifted her eyes and looked at him. Into his eyes. And she was frozen. Because, despite what he was infected with, despite what he might be feeling—the rage, fury, and hate—despite being the one to attack Kara, he…

He was Mon-El. The funny, easy-going, and carefree Mon-El. How could she just knock him to the ground as if he was nothing but a criminal? This was the man that landed on Earth and turned her life upside down in the best way possible. He’d always managed to make her laugh, even in the worst of the situation. The awkwardness of him trying to adjust to Earth’s customs, the innocent mistakes that he’d made… They brought a smile on her face. And Kara could agree that he’d messed up a lot while adjusting, probably more than anyone, yet she also knew that he was trying. Even he admitted that Daxam was a self-centered and careless, that he didn’t have anything to be inspired by there. The fact that he’d came too far in the course of couple of months showed just how much he wanted to be a good person. Besides, it wasn’t as if he _ignored_ his mistakes. He owned them, apologized for them, and tried to atone for them in every way possible.

And beyond all of that, more important than maybe him being a good guy, was that he was the only person that truly understood Kara. He understood exactly what it felt like not only to lose a whole planet, but a whole _life_. Because that was what they’d lost in their respective planets. Yes, there was also J’onn who’d lost everything as well, but Kara always struggled to talk to him about her feelings as he was more of a father figure than a friend. He also didn’t know Krypton as well as Mon-El did. It felt good, almost _too good_ to talk to Mon-El about her old life, knowing that he not only knew what it felt like, but also knew exactly what she was talking about. It was like talking to someone from your hometown after leaving it years and years ago, years and years of not having anyone to talk to, and then suddenly remembering the old times with someone that was a part of the old times. In fact, it wasn’t just like that, it was _exactly_ that. She didn’t even know how much she wanted that before Mon-El came along.

And there was also the point of her and Mon-El’s super strength. With Mon-El, she didn’t really have to be careful not to hurt him. It took her a while to get adjusted to the idea that he wouldn’t get hurt no matter how tightly she hugged him, no matter how much she squeezed his hand, or no matter how passionately they kissed. She could _let go_. That was another thing only Mon-El could offer her; she would be lying if she said letting go didn’t feel good. She could truly be herself with Mon-El, be Kara Zor-El, and that she appreciated more than anything.

But those weren’t the only things that made Kara froze and hesitate looking into Mon-El’s eyes. The person in front of her… This was also the person that loved her and respected her wholeheartedly, that listened to her whenever she needed to talk to someone and that held her whenever she needed a shoulder to cry on, that stood by her side no matter what, through everything they’ve been through. She couldn’t hurt him.

_I can’t hurt him_.

That hesitation, no matter how short it lasted, was enough for Mon-El to twist out of her grasp and land a punch on her stomach. It was strong, almost _too_ strong and powerful. Mon-El never, not once, hit her like that, and that was the moment that she realized how much he’d actually been holding back his power in their trainings.

_He didn’t want to hurt me. Ever_.

Somehow, that thought was more painful than crashing into a shop window. Luckily the owners and customers had already fled, probably when they noticed the fight outside.

The barely had time to dust off shards of glass from her suit when she saw Mon-El’s silhouette right above him. Rolling over, she dodged a punch and jumped to her feet, flying back into the street. Her eyes weren’t leaving Mon-El.

“Supergirl, you okay?” she heard her sister ask, worry lacing her voice. Kara took a deep breath.

“Yeah, I’m okay.” _At least physically_.

“I’m sending back up.” It was obvious that Alex didn’t entirely believe her lie. Kara shook her head quickly, almost too forcefully.

“No, don’t. I can handle this.” _I have to_. “I don’t need back up.” _I can’t risk anyone hurting Mon-El_.

“Are you—“ Before Alex had time to finish her question, or before Kara could hear the end of it, she saw Mon-El jumping up in an attempt to reach her and bring her down. She quickly flew to the side.

“Mon-El, listen to me!” she begged, landing on the street. The Daxamite whirled around to look at her. “You don’t have to do this.” Mon-El growled again, a lion-like, vicious growl.

_“I want to,”_ he said between his clenched teeth. _I want to_. Those three words…somehow they broke Kara more than she ever thought they could. There was a lump in her throat as she avoided a car door he threw her way.

“Supergirl, please, let us help,” Alex begged. “He’ll hurt you.”

“ _No_ ,” Kara hissed back, ducking what looked like a newspaper stand. “I can handle this.” _I won’t let you hurt him. I won’t let anyone hurt him_.

“J’onn!” Alex yelled desperately as Kara blocked Mon-El’s punch. She tried to swing a kick to his side but he was faster. He grabbed her leg and twisted it before throwing her away. She crashed into the street, thanking Rao that she was indestructible. No human would survive that crash without a scratch.

She stood up just in time to see Mon-El advancing on her. She was just about to get into a defensive stance when she stopped. _What’s the point anyway? I’m not gonna hurt him. Why fight?_

“I’m not going to fight you, Mon-El,” she conceded, her shoulders slumped in defeat. Mon-El slowed down, stopping only a couple of feet away. Tears welled in her eyes as she looked at him, at this man that she loved oh-so-much and that was looking at her like she was the single thing he’d choose to hate if he could only hate one thing on earth. She couldn’t take it. “I’m not going to hurt you. I can’t.” _Oh, what have they done to you?_ “Whatever y-you say, whatever you _believe_ , I know this isn’t who you are. You’re…” Emotions clogged her throat, so much so that she had to stop for a brief second before she continued. “You’re my mate, and I love you.” She held her breath, hoping her words would be able to get through whatever thing Mon-El was poisoned with. Hoping that he’d remember his love for Kara. And he _loved_ her, Kara knew it. No matter what Cadmus did to him, they couldn’t change _that_.

Another beat of his heart passed before he answered. _“I don’t care.”_ And with that, he was on her again.

Kara barely remembered what happened after that. Her muscles locked with the shock of his words as she felt him punch his stomach. She fell thirty feet away from him, face first. And then there were sirens, and cars approaching, red and blue and red and blue, as well as a green figure landing to her right. A Green Martian. J’onn.

All she remembered about those moments was Mon-El. Her eyes were locked to his as DEO agents ran out of cars, weapons in hands, weapons pointed at _Mon-El_. She faintly registered J’onn telling them to stand back. She was only looking at Mon-El, the hateful expression on his face as he spun around and leaped onto a building.

He escaped. And Kara was too powerless to stop him.

* * *

_Kara stared at the mountain of clothes in front of her, wanting to rip her hair out. There was nothing in her closet to wear._ Nothing _._

_Well, not exactly nothing, but there wasn’t a good enough piece for her to wear to her and Mon-El’s first official dinner date. Yep, first date, something that all young girls looked forward to. Something that Kara, despite being 25 years old and having a few short-term relationships in her school years, was utterly excited about. She couldn’t help herself. Granted, she’d never liked someone the way she liked Mon-El, or she never wanted a relationship to work as much as she did right now, but still… Mon-El made her feel like a giddy high school student again. Not that she minded, she absolutely relished that feeling of…or being carefree, of having nothing serious to worry about, of just going out and not thinking about anything other than the amazing man she was with. She needed that too badly._

_She grabbed a black knee-length dress with sleeves before immediately deciding against it. She threw the fabric to her closet before rummaging through her clothes again, throwing a pink sweater, a white skirt and a striped dress after the black one. Too bland. Too casual. Too serious. She couldn’t seem to find the perfect combination of fun, quirky, cute, and hot. It was always too…something._

_So yes, of course she was still not dressed by the time she heard the knock on her door. Her heart leaped in her chest. She didn’t need her X-ray vision to see who was at the door; the abnormally fast—even for an alien—heartbeats gave Mon-El away. She looked down at her clothes._

_A plain pink t-shirt and pajama bottoms with a teddy-bear pattern. How nice._

_Sighing with frustration, she at least ripped her hair tie off her hair and let it fall on her shoulders to look more…presentable. Not that she thought Mon-El would truly mind; they were dating for two weeks now and even before that he’d seen her in all kinds of situations. Even as she cried. If he hadn’t left then, he wouldn’t leave now._

_That still didn’t make her feel any better when she opened the door and found Mon-El at the door in a…suit. A legit, black dress suit with a red tie and white shirt. There was a bouquet of flowers in his one hand, and the other was tucked in his pocket. The eyeglasses adorned his face and highlighted the color in his eyes, so much so that they looked more blue than gray. He looked…dazzling._

_A smile appeared on his face with the sight of Kara. “Hey!” His eyes then traveled down on her body, realizing she was still in her PJs. His smile faltered. “I-I’m not too early, right? I mean, you said ‘pick me up at 7’, so I—“_

_“No,” Kara interrupted him, shaking her head. She sighed, lifting her gaze to the ceiling. “You’re not late. I just realized that I have absolutely_ nothing _to wear to a dinner date!” Huffing, she stepped back so that Mon-El could come in. He looked confused as Kara continued her ranting. “And-and I wanted tonight to be perfect, because it’s our first official date if you don’t count the really short lunches we went to or the first two of them that were interrupted by Supergirl emergencies before they even started.”_

_“Kara—“ Mon-El tried to cut in, but Kara continued, not really hearing._

_“So I’d planned everything, even convinced J’onn to go out if there was an emergency and made sure everything in the DEO was set, but by then I didn’t have time to get a good dress and I realized I have nothing! I—“_

_“Hey, Kara.” This time Kara stopped as Mon-El grabbed her arm with his free hand. “You can’t be thinking that what you wear will decide the fate of the date, right?” Scoffing, Kara crossed her arms over her chest._

_“Of course not. But…” she started complaining as Mon-El tugged her close. Her hand found its way to his chest. She looked up at him; there were only inches between them. It was hard not get distracted by the Daxamite’s full lips, stormy blue eyes and his arm around her chest, but she tried to focus as she bit her lip. “But I’ve never been in a real relationship before, not with someone that I really care about. And I want this to be as perfect as possible. I wanted today to be normal like a normal human date.” Mon-El smiled at her compassionately as he dropped the flowers on the counter and caressed Kara’s cheek. He tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear._

_“I’m not even gonna pretend to not be flattered by that,” he began with a crooked smile, earning an eye-roll from Kara. Still, the corners of her lips twitched into a small smile. “But we… We’re not normal, Kara. No matter how much we hold our superpowers back, it won’t change the fact that we might bruise someone’s arm by just holding it or break their nose by kissing them.” Kara shot him a glare as he continued with a grin. “But we can do those things without hurting each other.” He squeezed his arm around Kara’s waist as if to prove his point. Kara was sure if she was a human her spine would’ve be broken and her ribs would’ve crashed in. Her stomach filled with butterflies with Mon-El’s words as her other hand found its way to his shoulder._

_“Where did you learn how to be romantic like that?” she asked playfully. Mon-El just shrugged, his fingers drawing circles on her back._

_“Well, I try. Besides, what if you go out in your PJs? That still won’t change my feelings for you.” Kara laughed at his words as she pulled back._

_“That might be true, but I still need to wear a dress. Wait here a couple of minutes?” Mon-El nodded, tucking his hands to his pockets with a carefree smile as Kara turned around to go to her room. He stopped her before she was out of sight._

_“Hey, Kara?”_

_“Yep,” she said, turning around briefly. Mon-El’s smile widened._

_“You look beautiful.”_

* * *

Kara stayed silent the whole way to the DEO. She wasn’t feeling like flying—or she was too distracted to fly properly—that she’d boarded one of the DEO vans to get back to the place. She didn’t remember much of the trip either; she hadn’t done much other than staring at her palms. Her nails were filled with dirt, she could feel glass and concrete pieces in her hair, and her stomach and arm hurt from the fight. They were only dull inconveniences she only felt in the background, though. She had other things to worry about.

Like Mon-El.

Her fingers curled up in fists as she remembered him. What he looked like. _This isn’t red kryptonite_ , she couldn’t help thinking. _That hadn’t changed how I felt about my friends. I might’ve hurt them, but I never stopped loving them. Mon-El was_ …

She couldn’t even bring herself to think about that.

“Kara?” With J’onn’s soft voice, the Kryptonian lifted her head to look at him. He was sitting across from her in the van, his elbows resting on his knees and his hands clasped in front of him as he eyed Kara. There was worry in his eyes. He’d looked at her since they boarded the van, probably waiting—hoping—for her to say something, yet she didn’t feel like talking much. Or she was afraid that if she did talk, she’d start crying.

J’onn waited for her to say something again, _anything_ , but faced with her blank expression he gave up with a sigh. “We arrived,” he announced as he stood up. Kara only nodded, following him out. Her steps felt heavy, as if the ground was trying to suck her up as she entered the DEO building.

The way up to the command center in the elevator, Kara could feel that J’onn wanted to say something, _anything_ , yet he didn’t speak. And she didn’t complain. She was beyond complaining.

The moment she stepped out of the elevator, though… She halted to a stop. Everyone, _everyone_ in the command center was looking at her, even the ones that were in the middle of something. They’d lifted their eyes to look at her, and there was no way she could ignore what was in each of them. Pity.

_Of course. They knew about my relationship with Mon-El_.

Tears threatened her eyes again, tears that were begging for release since the moment she saw those red veins covering Mon-El’s face, but she shoved them back yet again violently. She wouldn’t cry, at least not right now. Instead, she raised her chin, avoiding anyone’s gaze as she strolled into the room. One sentence from J’onn made everyone return to their work anyway.

“Everyone, get back to work.”

Apparently _everyone_ didn’t include Alex, because as soon as the agent saw Kara, she immediately stopped whatever she was working on and rushed to her side. “Kara,” she whispered under her breath, putting her hands on Kara’s shoulders. Her eyes traveled on the Kryptonian’s body, looking for any wounds. She shook her head.

“I’m fine, Alex,” she whispered, grabbing one of the hands on her shoulders. First words she’d muttered ever since DEO interrupted her fight with Mon-El and he ran away. A _lie_.

“Thank God.” Alex threw her arms around Kara, pulling her into a tight hug. She barely felt her sister’s arm, nor had the strength to hug her back. She just stood there as Alex rested her chin on her shoulder. “You worried me out of my mind. What were you _thinking_?” As Alex pulled back, Kara tried to think of a good enough answer for the question. She did have an answer, but… She doubted Alex would accept _I didn’t want him to get hurt_. Even she herself could see the idiocy behind that idea; she hadn’t been thinking logically, she was acting on her emotions. She’d let her feelings for Mon-El cloud her judgment.

“I don’t know,” she managed to say finally, avoiding Alex’s gaze. “It was Mon-El.” She didn’t really think that excuse would be enough for Alex, considering that Mon-El was now a threat to National City and should be apprehended, but that turned out to be not the case. The moment Alex heard his name—and the crack in Kara’s voice—understanding filled her eyes. She squeezed Kara’s arm.

“I know,” was all she said. She didn’t even need to voice the words as she looked into Kara’s eyes, though. The Kryptonian felt her control slipping, her tears filling her eyes yet again. If it wasn’t for J’onn, she suspected she could cry right then and there.

“Hey, Supergirl,” J’onn said softly, putting a hand on her back. Kara turned to her, embracing the distraction as if it was a bottle of water in the middle of a desert. “I know you’re not feeling like yourself right now, but we need to know what exactly happened to Mon-El. Do you think you’ll be up for it?” Blinking, Kara took a deep breath.

“Yes,” she found herself whispering, even thought she wasn’t exactly sure how long she could talk about Mon-El without feeling like her heart was breaking piece by piece. “I can talk.”

They were in J’onn’s office in a couple of minutes. It was only J’onn, Alex, and Winn there except Kara. The Kryptonian was sitting down on one chair, Alex on another right across from him with J’onn and Winn standing.

“Tell us what happened,” J’onn said softly, not pushing her into anything but simply urging her to start. Kara didn’t doubt they’d all get up and leave if she said she wasn’t feeling like it.

But she had to do it. Not just because National City in danger, but… But what she told Alex was true. It was _Mon-El_. No matter what Cadmus did to him, Kara knew he was a good person deep inside, which made it even more crucial that they find him and save him as soon as possible. She remembered how she felt when the effects of red kryptonite passed. It was horrible. All the guilt, the shame, the pain… No doubt Mon-El would feel all that if they saved him.

_When_ they saved him.

“He hates me,” she whispered. Her voice started shaking in the second word. She was staring at her hands on her lap, yet she could see the gaze Alex and Winn shared. It was Winn who spoke up.

“Kara, I don’t think that’s possible. We all know how he feels.”

“You think I don’t know that?” Kara hissed, her head snapping up. Winn winced visibly. “You think I want to believe what I _saw_ in his eyes?”

“But how?” Alex interjected, stopping Kara before she said something hurtful. “How could they have changed his feelings? I thought red kryptonite only destroyed your inhibitions, not caused your feelings to do a 180.” There were questions in her eyes as she looked at Kara. The Kryptonian sighed as her shoulders slouched.

“Yeah, it was what it’d done to me. I know that…” Gulping, she shut her eyes. “I know that I attacked you and Cat Grant, but that was because I was _angry_ at you, not because I _hated_ you. This was… This was different. It was as if I-I was the single person he hated the most in the universe, as if he wanted to _kill_ me…” She lifted her head. “Slowly and painfully.” Her voice trailed off at the end. She didn’t even realize she was thinking the next words before they left her lips. “I told him I loved him, and he said he didn’t care.”

The words landed to the room as if a silencing bomb, everyone suddenly quieting. Kara couldn’t see their reactions as her face was buried in her hands, yet she could feel that they didn’t know what to say. What could they have said anyway? There was nothing that could fix what those words did to her heat, no way to view them in a better light than the obvious. There was nothing good about those words.

“That isn’t true, Kara,” her sister finally said. The Kryptonian felt a hand on her knee and looked up. Alex. She was kneeling down in front of her, looking up with pain etched into her eyes. “It was Cadmus talking, not him. You can’t be thinking that he’d truly believe those words, right? He loves you, Kara. In fact, I don’t think anyone has ever loved and appreciated you the way he does.” Kara pressed her lips together with those words to keep them from trembling. It wasn’t working.

“I’m scared,” she admitted. “What if we can’t reverse what they did to him? What if he always hates me?”

“We won’t let that happen,” J’onn promised, stepping forward. “Mon-El is part of our team. We’re not stopping until we find him and bring him back.” There was conviction in the Martian’s eyes. Kara could only nod as she wiped her years away. Before she could say anything, though, a familiar voice rang in her ears. Not from the room though, it was coming from outside. From the command center.

_I’m telling you, I need to see Supergirl_ right now _. This is urgent_. Her eyes snapped to the glass doors of the office as she looked through them and to the command center with her X-ray vision. And she wasn’t wrong. There he was, with two DEO agents by his sides, looking around the room. She jumped to her feet.

“It’s him,” she could only whisper, ignoring the surprised looks from her friends as she rushed to the door, losing no time. She was in the cortex in a matter of seconds.

“ _You._ ” Her voice was a low growl as she faced the man in front of her. The man’s eyes turned to her, his blue eyes piercing through her. A small smile pulled the man’s lips.

“There she is. See, that wasn’t so hard, right?” he told the DEO agent to his side. He then turned back to Kara. “There’s something urgent we need to talk about, Supergirl.”

Kara felt her teeth clench as anger started boiling in her veins. It was him. He was the one that turned Mon-El into whatever he was now. He was the one that made him hate her. Kara didn’t care about whether he was kidnapped or did it willingly, she didn’t care about the fact that he might be the only one that could reverse what was done to Mon-El. She only cared about two facts: Mon-El hated her, and this man was responsible.

“Maxwell Lord.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Coming up: 
> 
> “He doesn’t hate you, Kara. He just loves you too much.”


	13. comets and home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all! SURPRISE! Guess who's uploading the story early this week? :) We're going on a school trip tomorrow for the weekend, and I'm not sure if I'd be able to find WiFi, so I thought that uploading early would be better than uploading late. Am I right?
> 
> Also, I just want to say thank you to all of your comments and kudos and love, I just couldn't appreciate it more! I know I couldn't respond to your comments individually, I'm legit having a week from hell in school, but I read all of them and it's honestly the best parts of my day, managing to put a smile on my face when I'm drowned in homework. So thank you, thank you, thank you so so much. I love y'all. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Alex didn’t know what she should expect as she entered the command center. Her sister, Kara, had left J’onn’s office in a rush, with an ambiguous “it’s him,” and that “him” could literally be anyone on earth.

Alex’s first guess was Mon-El, though. She didn’t think anyone else could get Kara’s attention that easily and make her rush to the command center. Her second guess…

She didn’t really have a second guess, which was why she’d taken her gun out of the holster as she rushed up.

Her first guess ended up _not_ being true, as Kara growled the name of the intruder. _“Maxwell Lord.”_ Alex’s steps halted as she came to a stop behind Kara, Winn and J’onn right behind her.

_Maxwell Lord?_

“Yes, I know, I’m shocked too,” Max said as an answer, a small grin playing on his face. Alex grabbed the gun in two hands. She wasn’t pointing it to Max, but if he tried to do anything… Well, not that he could with Kara, but anyway. Max didn’t seem to mind, though. He had a careless smile on his face and his hands were tucked in his pockets. If it wasn’t for the tension in his shoulders and the fact that his smile didn’t really reach his eyes, Alex would’ve believed he wasn’t scared at all. “I honestly didn’t expect to make it all the way to here.” Alex’s brows crept up to her forehead as she saw J’onn step forward from the corner of her eyes. The Martian put his hand on Kara’s shoulder, as if to restraint her. Alex might not have her sister’s superhearing, but she could hear the Kryptonian’s labored breathing well enough. Kara was _furious_.

“Mr. Lord. We heard that you’ve been kidnapped.” J’onn’s voice, in contrast with Kara’s anger, was as calm and emotionless as possible.

Max shrugged as an answer to J’onn’s statement. “I was. But it’s hard to keep me in chains. I always find a way to escape.” Before J’onn could continue, Kara cut in.

“At the expense of someone else, right?” she spat out. “Mon-El?” With her accusing words, Max winced slightly before regaining his composure. He straightened up his shoulders.

“You don’t know what happened in Cadmus,” he told Kara, his eyes shining gravely. Kara’s fists clenched with those words as she attempted to step forward, to do what Alex didn’t really want to know, but J’onn was faster. He stopped her by grabbing her arm.

“Supergirl, don’t,” he warned to Kryptonian. Kara’s head whipped around and turned to J’onn, her eyes shining orange. Heat vision. Alex winced, her heart constricting with pain. _This isn’t fair_ , she couldn’t help thinking. Kara was too much in pain. The last few days had taken a toll on him. Alex knew all too well what it felt like to feel completely helpless, especially when someone you loved was in danger; she couldn’t even imagine how Kara must be feeling. The Kryptonian was accustomed to solve problems, protect her friends, with her powers. That was what she did. And now, not being able to help Mon-El… It _broke_ her. This rage wasn’t because she was actually angry at Max, or Cadmus, or even Lillian; she was angry at herself for not being able to do anything to make Mon-El better. So she turned to the next best thing she could do: make sure the people who hurt Mon-El paid for what they did.

Alex knew at that moment that they needed to save Mon-El, no matter what. If they didn’t want Kara to break down even more.

When J’onn was sure Kara wouldn’t do anything stupid, he turned to Max. “Why don’t we speak in my office?” he suggested, probably to get rid of the prying eyes. It would do no good if DEO agents saw Kara heat-vision someone’s ass. Even if it was Max.

“That’s a good idea,” Max said as he lazily stepped forward. “And maybe we can get rid of these two following me around?” He pointed at the two DEO agents behind him. J’onn nodded as a confirmation and the agents left. He then told Max to follow him. Max, Winn, and Alex fell into step behind J’onn, with Kara following after a second.

“Kara—“ J’onn started when he saw her, but before he could say anything Kara interrupted.

“You can’t stop me from being a part of that conversation,” she stated coldly. “At least not without a fight.” With that, or with the complete lack of compassion in Kara’s face, J’onn gave up.

They huddled up in J’onn’s office again, this time with the addition of another member: Maxwell Lord. J’onn offered one of the seats across his desk to him, and Kara took the other one before anyone could complain. Her eyes were on Max. Alex could clearly see from her shoulders that she didn’t like being even in the _same room_ with the man, yet she also must know that he might be their only way to cure Mon-El. So she stayed, because that was who she was: a hero who would sacrifice everything for her loved ones.

“Mr. Lord,” J’onn started, leaning forward. There was strain of uneasiness in his voice. “We haven’t been able to locate you or Mon-El for days. It was as if Cadmus has disappeared from the face of this world. They’ve been extremely careful in this kidnapping, so I hope you wouldn’t take it personally if I have suspicions about this whole situation.” Max, fortunately, seemed serious for the first time in his life. He leaned forward with a frown, resting his elbows on his knees.

“No, you’re absolutely right. They were careful about it.” He lifted his head, looking directly at Kara. He didn’t say anything else, so Alex interrupted.

“How do we know you’re not here for Lillian Luthor?” she asked, crossing her arms. “That you’re not here to gather intel on us?” Max turned his eyes to Alex, the blue in them more icy than dark. They made Alex shiver.

“Lillian is dead,” he said matter-of-factly. Silence followed his words. Alex saw Kara’s eyes widened as she straightened up, suspicion shining in her eyes. J’onn was frowning while Winn was gaping at Max, as if thinking he hadn’t heard it right. Alex… She wasn’t really sure what to do with that piece of information.

“What do you mean she’s dead?” Kara asked, leaning forward. “How did you escape?” Alex wanted to applaud her sister for sounding calm and collected, even though she was nothing but.

Max seemed like he was struggling with the words as he cleared his throat and straightened forward. He clasped his hands together. “I know you’ll be angry when I tell you this, but before jumping to conclusions I need you to listen to me and not try to break my arm.” His eyes turned to Kara and lingered. The Kryptonian winced, yet Alex could see in her eyes that she’d decide whether Max deserved going all Supergirl on him or not after hearing his story.

Max took a deep breath before he continued. “I didn’t kill Lillian,” he said slowly, intently, as he watched Kara’s reaction. “I knew I didn’t stand a chance against her with the guards around all the damn time. She was careful. Too careful.” He took a deep breath. “She forced me to make something similar to red kryptonite to affect him, but she wanted it slightly different: She wanted the substance to make him hate Kara.” Alex’s blood went cold with the words as she tried to process them. She could see that Kara was doing the same. Her mouth was dropped open and shock was splashed on her face. It was Winn who spoke.

“Hate Kara?” he asked, shaking his head. “I mean, I know we’re dealing with alien stuff here, but even with those how is that even possible?”

“Believe it or not, it’s easier than you’d think. Love and hate activate pretty similar neural pathways in the brain. You just need to find a way to cause the brain to activate the ‘hate’ pathway, as I like to call it, in response to love.” He then turned to Kara. “If you see him—“

“I already saw him,” Kara almost hissed, interrupting Max. The man couldn’t say anything for a couple of seconds before he continued.

“Then you should know that his hate for you wasn’t real. It wasn’t Mon-El. He doesn’t hate you, Kara. He just loves you too much. His brain just registers the intensity of that love as hate. That’s why he must’ve seemed fixated to hurt you; it might not be the same with someone else.” Kara just stared at Max, speechless. Her brain seemed like it was working a mile a minute. Tears had filled her eyes as she shut her mouth and clenched her teeth, trying not to look at Max.

“That still doesn’t explain how you escaped,” J’onn supplied to change the topic. Max shook his head.

“Right. Well, to get what she wanted, Lillian basically locked me up in a lab and put a damn microbiologist with me so that I wouldn’t attempt to do anything else. I couldn’t not do what she asked from me. But I could put a twist on it. Instead of making him hate everything he loves, I… I activated the hate circuit in his brain indefinitely, which means that he’d be filled with hate even if he wasn’t doing anything. And it also meant that when faced with something he vehemently loves or hates, that hate would flare up and rage would consume him.” He turned his eyes to the floor. “I wasn’t the one that killed Lillian. It was Mon-El. I used him to get out of that place.” His words dropped into the room like a nuclear weapon. Nobody said anything for a while, everyone trying to register what he said about Lillian, about Mon-El, and how he… How he’d murdered someone.

At least until Kara snapped.

“You _bastard_ ,” she growled, and in less than a second she was in front of Maxwell, hauling him off his chair by grabbing him from the collar. It all happened so fast. No one, not even J’onn, could stop her as she landed a punch on Max’s face, sending him down to the floor. Blood spattered around the office.

“Kara!” Alex found herself yelling as she lurched forward, grabbing one of her arms. J’onn grabbed the other, his grasp much stronger than Alex’s.

“Supergirl, stand down,” he ordered, yet Kara was taking none of it. Her eyes were on Max as the man pushed himself off the floor with his hand, wiping the blood away from his face. It looked like his nose might be broken, and Alex couldn’t help thinking that he should be glad it was the only thing that was broken. She knew if Kara wanted it she could break his skull in half with that punch.

Yet she didn’t. She’d held back, slightly. At least that was _something_.

“You made him hate me, you made him kill someone! How could you do that?” Kara sounded frantic as she tried to escape J’onn’s grasp. She wasn’t struggling at much with Alex.

“Well, I guess I deserved that,” Max said as he stood up, wiping his hand to his jeans. Yes, his nose was definitely broken. “But I had no choice, Kara. It was either that or not do anything at all, and then I would probably end up with a bullet in my head. I did what I had to do to survive. To escape.”

“And you think that makes it okay?” she hissed. “Did you ever think of the consequences of your actions? Did you think how he might feel once he’s back to himself and remembers he killed someone? And attacked me? Do you ever think of anyone else besides yourself?” She stepped forward, dragging J’onn and Alex along with her as she freed her arm from Alex’s grip and attempted to hit Max again. The man lifted his hands to protect himself.

“I can prepare an antidote!” he yelled as a last attempt to get Kara to stop. And it seemed like it did the trick, as Kara’s punch slowed down mid-air. Her hand was clenched, and Alex could see she was struggling with the need to avenge what he did to Mon-El and the need to have _her Mon-El_ back. She grabbed the Kryptonian’s arm again softly, putting it down.

“Kara, as much as I hate to say it, we need him,” she whispered, stroking her sister’s shoulder. Kara was breathing heavily as she glared at Max with all the rage in the world before she shook away Alex and J’onn’s hands…again. Yet this time, she didn’t seem like she wanted to attack anyone.

“I’m only letting you go because you can bring Mon-El back, and not because I forgive or even begin to understand why you did what you did. And trust me when I say this, you won’t get away with what you’ve made him.” With that, she spun around and stormed out of the room, slamming the glass door shut behind her and cracking it.

* * *

He was _fuming_. Well, he’d already been pretty angry before that girl in the red cape showed up, but now… It was like every neuron in his body was firing at once, and they were telling him to do one thing: Find that girl and _destroy_ her.

He’d never felt anything like this before, not in the life he had before rage—though he barely remembered it—and even _after_ the rage. The only thing that came close to that was when he first wake up and saw that other woman, the one in a white suit. Yet that didn’t even compare to… _this_. Killing that woman quickly was enough to subside his rage then. Now, he had the burning desire not only to kill the girl but do it slowly and painfully. Even that didn’t seem like it would suffice.

He could barely focus on anything as he stared at the ground beneath his feet, and then the walls of the warehouse. He’d found himself here after the red and blue lights started flickering on the streets, cars started closing in, and weapons pointed at him. Even at his enraged state he knew he couldn’t fight against that many people. So he’d left, not because he particularly wanted to, but he had no other choice. He’d try his chance with the red-caped girl later.

 _Comets. Her eyes were like comets_.

Shutting his eyes, he shook his head, trying to get rid of that thought. That didn’t mean anything. The comets he remembered in that lab, those comets that calmed him down when he was thinking about attacking the man, they couldn’t be the girl’s eyes. Those comets were warm, inviting, loving… _home_. The red-caped girl didn’t bring any of that.

He would find the comets, though. He _needed to_. In the last two days those were the only things that kept him sane, that kept him going. They gave him a purpose, somewhere to go back to.

 _As soon as I get rid of the red-caped girl_ , he thought, stepping out of the warehouse. _I can find the comets and go home_.

* * *

_“Move in with me.” The words left Kara’s mouth without her intention. One moment she and Mon-El were lying on the bed, Mon-El’s head resting on her shoulder in silence. She was caressing his hair as his fingers drew unintelligible shapes on her stomach. And then the next moment she’d said the words._

_Not that she hadn’t thought about that. They were dating for almost a month now, and Mon-El had mostly been staying at her place anyway. It was more comfortable than his room in DEO. Besides, Kara had already thought it was about time the Daxamite had his own place to live even before they got together._

_So why shouldn’t “his own place” be “their own place”?_

_Mon-El’s hand stopped on Kara’s stomach with the words and he looked up at Kara. His brows were furrowed._

_“What?” Turning to her side to face him, Kara smiled._

_“Move in with me,” she said again as Mon-El propped his head up with his hand. From his expression, it seemed like he couldn’t believe she was proposing something like that. “I mean, most of the time you stay here anyway.” Mon-El opened his mouth, but nothing came out at first. He shook his head._

_“Are you serious?” Kara shrugged._

_“Of course I am. Why do you look so surprised about that?” she asked, reaching for Mon-El’s cheek and pushing back a strand of hair that had fallen on his forehead. Mon-El shook his head._

_“I’m not surprised,” he lied pretty unsuccessfully. Kara arched her brows, giving him her best_ are-you-sure _look. He lasted only a couple of seconds before giving up. “Okay, fine. I’m surprised.” The Kryptonian smiled knowingly, even though she couldn’t help thinking how cute he looked with that ingenuous look on his face. “I thought you’d want more time before things got…” His voice trailed off._

_“Serious?” she supplied when he didn’t continue. Mon-El nodded, and then laughed nervously._

_“I mean, not that I don’t think it’s serious, because it…it surely is serious for me. I mean, super serious, and I like you and all, but I thought—“_

_“Mon-El,” Kara cut in softly, pressing a finger on his lips. She then moved her hand to cup his cheek. He was looking at her with such a gentle expression on his face, filled with genuine love, that she smiled. How could it not be serious for her as well? “It’s serious for me too. I want you to move in with me. Okay?” Mon-El couldn’t answer for a second. “Besides, I don’t think DEO was much of a home for you. You deserve better than that, now that you’re almost fully adjusted to earth.” A smile pulled Mon-El’s lips with those words, a smile that almost reached his ears._

_“Yeah,” he whispered before leaning forward. “Home.”_

* * *

Kara knew first-hand that a glare could kill someone, if it was in the form of her heat vision. Yet her death glare right now wasn’t working, as the person that she wanted to unleash the power on was also the only way to give Mon-El back to her. _Maxwell Lord_. The name felt like a poison to her lips.

Still she crossed her arms, narrowed her eyes and continued glaring at Max from behind the glass wall. He was in the lab currently, working on the antidote for whatever he poisoned Mon-El with. Apparently he’d told his plan to the rest of the group after Kara stormed off J’onn’s office. _Theoretically it should work_ , he’d said. _But we won’t know until we get Mon-El back_.

Kara’s only answer to that had been this: _Well, he should hope for us to find Mon-El before he hurts more people, or else I won’t be responsible of what I might do to him_. It earned a worried gaze from Winn and a painful glance from Alex, yet she was beyond the point of caring. Max would _pay_ for what he’d done. After they found Mon-El and fixed him. Winn was looking for him for two hours now, checking every satellite and security camera and news channel to see if someone spotted a “feral and possibly hateful alien with crazy red eyes,” yet so far nothing showed up. It made Kara even _more_ worried, because as far as what Max said Mon-El wasn’t exactly thinking clearly. One would think with all the hate bottled up he would be attacking some place…if he wasn’t biding his time for something that topped any bit of rage he might be feeling. Which was, in this case, Kara.

It still hurt to think about that, and not because someone Kara loved with all her heart supposedly hated her. No, it wasn’t about that at all. It hurt because according to Max, Kara was the thing Mon-El hated the most because when he was himself, she was the one that he _loved_ most.

She heard Alex’s footsteps approach her. The woman stood by her side silently, waiting for Kara to speak. It took her five second.

“I hate this,” she muttered under her breath and shook her head. Her teeth were clenched. “I hate _him_. And I hate that he is our only chance to save Mon-El when he’s the reason Mon-El is in this situation right now.”

“That makes two of us,” Alex answered with a sigh. “Actually, that makes four of us. J’onn or Winn aren’t so happy about any of this either.”

“Great.” Kara’s hands dropped to her sides desperately. “I can’t believe we have to trust _him_ to save Mon-El. What if he does something worse to him? What if he damages him permanently? I just—“

“Kara,” Alex said softly and put her hand on the Kryptonian’s shoulder. “I _understand_. I don’t trust him either. That’s why I called my mom to come and check on his work. She’ll make sure it won’t harm Mon-El.” Kara bit her lip as she nodded, trying to keep the tears away from her eyes.

“Thank you.” Alex just smiled at her, knowing she didn’t need to say anything. Kara then changed the topic. “Um, have you…have you been able to locate Mon-El?” From the way Alex’s expression changed, the Kryptonian realized that was what she came to talk about. “Please tell me he hasn’t caused another mess.”

“No,” Alex said, immediately shaking her head. “No, that’s not it. We… Well, we can’t really locate him, and as far as we know even the image of you riles up his rage. So J’onn was thinking that maybe we could use you to get to him.” She stopped for a second. “You don’t have to do it if you don—“

“I’ll do it,” Kara cut her with a determined voice. “I couldn’t help with his rescue at all. If there’s any way I can help with that now, I have to do it.” Alex searched Kara’s face, as if to make sure her conviction didn’t come from a place of desperation and the Kryptonian knew what she was doing. At the end, she either decided on the latter or decided to ignore the former.

“Great. Let’s get this over with, then,” she said as they walked up to Winn to discuss the details of the plan. “And Kara? Be careful, okay?” Kara nodded, reaching for her sister’s hand and squeezing it reassuringly.

“I always am.”

* * *

Kara watched the six DEO agents walk away from the scene to the ambulances around, while another couple of them cordoned off the crime scene. She could see people with cameras here and there, trying to get a good look at what happened. Another DEO agent, dressed in a blue t-shirt and jeans, was giving an interview to one reporter around, looking at Supergirl. Kara smiled at the reporter before turning to one of the guys carrying a camera and flashed him a grin. The guy caught it, pretty satisfied with himself.

 _Well, this went well_ , Kara couldn’t help thinking. She couldn’t believe how fast the DEO agents hoaxed a fake hostage situation for Supergirl to whirl in and be…Supergirl. And then how fast the reporters came to the scene. Her face was probably being broadcasted on news channels at this moment with a headline that said “Supergirl saves the day again,” or something like that.

That wasn’t what any of them cared about, though. The only purpose of the fake hostage situation in the outskirts of National City was to get Mon-El out of his hiding spot. Max had said that with his infection, poisoning, whatever you wanted to call it, he wouldn’t be able to resist fighting Kara if he saw her, even on TV. He would come.

And then J’onn would capture him.

“Is he coming?” Kara asked Winn through the comms for probably the hundredth time in the last ten minutes.

“Nope,” Winn answered. “Just as he wasn’t coming ten seconds ago. There’s no movement.” Kara silently cursed under her breath as she checked the surroundings using her X-ray vision. No, there was nothing.

“I thought Max said this would work,” she hissed between her teeth. “He said Mon-El would come.”

“Yeah, and he will.” Winn didn’t sound convincing. “Be patient. Maybe he hasn’t—Oh.” Kara stopped as Winn’s voice trailed off.

“What?”

“Oh, that’s him!” Winn exclaimed, causing Kara to jump. “He’s coming, Supergirl, and he’s coming _fast_. J’onn, Alex, copy that?” After the Martian and her sister answered the question, Kara flew to the air, looking around to see Mon-El. It took her a couple of seconds to locate him, probably because he was moving really _fast_.

“Guys, he’s coming from northeastern side of the building,” she announced before descending on the ground. She could hear his footsteps flying on the street, making almost no sound—none that a human could detect at least—as he entered Kara’s eyesight. By the time they were standing in front of each other, Mon-El’s steps slowing down, Kara’s heart had started to pound again. She gulped to get rid of the knot in her throat.

 _Remember what Max said_ , she told herself. _This isn’t him_. _He doesn’t hate you, he just… He loves you too much_.

 _“You,”_ Mon-El growled under his breath with the sight of her. Kara took a deep breath, taking a defensive stance.

“Yeah, me.” She was glad she didn’t sound extremely anxious. “I was waiting for you.” Mon-El stepped forward before she even finished her words, ignoring what she was saying. She took a step back _. Stall him_ , was what J’onn said. She doubted fighting was what he meant.

Besides, she really didn’t think she had the strength to have a second round with Mon-El.

 _“You’re dead.”_ The Daxamite’s words were like a stab in the heart. She lifted her hands in the air.

“I just came here to talk,” she objected, trying to straighten up her shoulders. “I don’t want to hurt you, Mon-El.” Mon-El almost laughed, yet it wasn’t like any of those laughs she oh-so-loved hearing from him: those carefree, utterly happy laughs that had no burden behind them. This was cruel. Cold.

 _“You won’t,”_ he promised her _. “I won’t let you take away my home.”_ That was the last thing he’d said as he got ready to shoot forward. Kara’s heart jumped in her chest as she lifted her hands to protect herself, only that…

The attack never really came. Before Mon-El did anything J’onn had shot him with a tranq dart filled with a lead-based substance to knock Mon-El out. He promised Kara that it wouldn’t hurt him.

The Kryptonian saw Mon-El’s eyes roll back as he started falling down. She immediately rushed to his side and grabbed him before he fell down, smoothing his landing. She was on her knees with the Daxamite cradled on her lap. And he almost looked peaceful. Like…like himself.

Kara’s heart cracked as she watched his sleeping figure for a couple of seconds, pushing his hair away from his face. She’d missed it. She had no idea how much she missed seeing him like this, without any evil on him. If she closed her ears and ignored her surroundings she could pretend that they were at their home in the morning, Kara—as always—waking up before Mon-El and watching him. _Almost_.

Slipping away from her thoughts, Kara stroked the Daxamite’s cheek. “You’re gonna be okay, Mon-El,” she promised him and put a kiss on his forehead. “I promise you.”

And then J’onn landed beside them. Kara blinked her tears away as she stood up, carrying Mon-El in her arms. For the first time during last week she didn’t feel useless, lonely, or helpless. For the first time she had hope of saving her boyfriend, she had something to look forward to. She jutted her chin out, smiling briefly at J’onn and Alex.

“We’re gonna save him,” she told them. Alex smiled at the tone of her voice, reaching for Kara’s arm and squeezing it.

“Yeah,” she said with a nod. “We will.”


	14. hope to remember

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!
> 
> You have no idea how good it is to finish this chapter today and actually post it, because there was a time I truly thought I would be late, and that sucked because you've all been amazing with your support and your comments and I didn't want to let you down. BUT here it is! 
> 
> The last week honestly been one of the hardest weeks of my life, which was why not only I barely finished this but couldn't even write a one-shot, which I usually like to do. (I have an idea right now and it would be great if I can publish it on Sunday, but we'll see.) We lost a family friend last week on Friday very unexpectedly, and next week is the exam week in school, so it was pretty much an emotional rollercoaster. I do feel better now, though it's a process. I'm not sure I truly processed it yet.
> 
> ANYWAY, on another note, this might actually be one of the longest chapters I've written in my life, not just in this story. It's around 7800 words. My plan was around 5000-5500 words, but once I started I couldn't stop and I didn't want to get rid of any parts. I actually enjoyed writing it, so I hope you'll like it as well :)
> 
> Also, I've recently came up with an idea about where I want this story to go, in which I'll explain at the end.
> 
> Love y'all!

It pained Kara way more than she’d initially thought to lock Mon-El up in a cell. The same cell he’d been locked up twice before; firstly when they first captured him and Kara believed he was a threat, and secondly when he was infected with the Medusa virus. _They say third time is the charm_ , she couldn’t help thinking. _What a load of bullshit_.

This time, though, Kara made sure Mon-El was comfortable. She brought a bunch of blankets to lay out on the bench, a pillow for him to rest his head on, and another blanket to wrap around his shoulders. She took deliberate care to wipe the sweat off his face and dust off his clothes before putting him down on the bench.

It still didn’t feel enough.

That was exactly why she was sitting on a chair in front of the room right now, despite Alex begging her not to do it, despite J’onn saying it wasn’t the best of ideas, despite knowing Mon-El wasn’t himself right now. Despite common sense, she was sitting and watching him, waiting for him to wake up. She couldn’t go away. She couldn’t leave him alone, not _again_.

She knew it made no sense, but seeing him in the cell… It had flared up all the guilt and helplessness she worked so hard to get rid of. Somehow, in the last couple of days she’d managed to divert the blame from herself to Cadmus, Lillian Luthor, and Maxwell Lord, yet now that Mon-El was back… It only reminded her why he was captured in the first place.

 _Because I wasn’t there with him. Because I left him alone_. It was a paralyzing feeling, thinking that if she left him he’d slip through her fingers again. It imprisoned her in front of the cell, just as they’d imprisoned Mon-El inside.

That was when the Daxamite woke up.

Kara immediately slipped away from her thoughts as she stood up, her hands falling to her sides. Her heartbeat that she’d managed to calm down immediately spiked up again as Mon-El straightened up, his hand going to his neck where J’onn shot him.

She probably shouldn’t have called his name, shouldn’t even let him know she was there, yet the name left her mouth without her intention. “Mon-El.” It sounded more like a gasp, yet it still made Mon-El stop short as he was just about to sit up. His head whirled around and their eyes met.

They still shone red.

The veins under his eyes were even more visible now, pulsing like heartbeats. It pulsed twice when he saw Kara, hatred filling his eyes. He growled in a way that made Kara suck in a sharp breath.

Right now, it was really hard to believe this whole response was caused by love, and not hate.

 _“You,”_ Mon-El hissed, jumping to his feet. He was just about to rush to her that he realized there was a glass separating them. He stopped short.

Biting her lip, Kara tried to keep the tears away from her eyes. “It’s me, Mon-El,” she whispered again, stepping forward. “It’s Kara.” The logical part of her knew it was useless to try to make him remember. Even she couldn’t do it when she was infected with red kryptonite, and it was far less serious than this. Yet she couldn’t help it. A voice inside her was chanting, over and over again, that it was Mon-El, that he loved her, and there was _no way_ he wouldn’t remember that. She just could not accept that.

 _“You locked me up,”_ he hissed, almost sounding surprised. If you ignored the hate. His eyes traveled around the cage, looking for a way out.

“We had to,” Kara answered to get his attention. His eyes snapped back at her as she stepped forward. “You weren’t yourself. You…aren’t yourself.” She took a deep breath. “We’re trying to save you.” Mon-El laughed humorlessly, shaking his head. His eyes narrowed, and the pulsing of the red veins made Kara wince. He was angry. Oh-so angry.

 _“Is that what you’re telling yourself?”_ he asked, spreading his arms. One step forward and he was almost one with the window. _“That you’re saving me?”_

“I know…” Kara interrupted, and then had to stop to clear her throat. Tears were burning her eyes; it was hard to push them away. “I know that you don’t feel like it right now, but you’ll… When we bring you back, you’ll understand. I know you, Mon-El. I know yo—“

 _“You don’t know me!”_ Mon-El yelled, slamming his hand against the window. Kara jumped back, her heart stuttering. _“If you knew me, you wouldn’t keep me away from my home.”_ Bitterness dripped from his voice as he clenched his teeth. His words felt like he’d just punched her in the stomach, leaving her breathless. _You wouldn’t keep me away from my home_. Kara shook her head.

“I’m your home,” she whispered as a last attempt. “You’ve told me that. You told me you loved me, that I gave you a home, and even though you’ve ended up here because both our planets were destroyed, you were incredibly lucky and happy that you found me.” Her voice started shaking around the middle of the sentence, and it took all of Kara’s might to keep herself from crying. It was barely working; one tear had escaped from her eyes and was slipping down her cheek.

 _“It’s not you,”_ Mon-El retorted, without an ounce of hesitation. He pressed his palms on the window, shutting his eyes. _“It’s comets. Not you. Comets are my home.”_

Kara had been ready for him to yell at her, for him to say how much he hated her. She had prepared herself for those words, and she was even trying to think what she could say to get him to remember. Yet what he said froze her in place. _Comets. He said comets_. She was chanting that sentence in her head over and over again, making sure it was real.

 _He always said my eyes looked like comets_.

She couldn’t help the smile forming in her face. Suddenly she didn’t feel so empty, so hopeless. That hole that had occupied her chest since Mon-El was kidnapped was bubbling with hope, slowly fixing itself.

“You remember,” she whispered, taking another step forward. She was right in front of the glass. “I knew you did. I knew a part of you remembered.” Lifting her hand, she pressed it on the window, right above Mon-El’s. “You always said the blue of my eyes reminded you of comets.” Mon-El grimaced and stumbled back, shaking his head.

 _“You’re lying. I hate you. I will always hate you.”_ Somehow, those words didn’t hurt her as much as it had before.

“You don’t. And I’ll make you remember, Mon-El. I’ll bring you back, I _promise_.” She smiled at him one last time before turning around and leaving. She knew she’d keep that promise, one way or another. If even Max’s poison couldn’t get him to hate Kara truly…

That showed how much he loved her. And that kind of love didn’t, it couldn’t just die. Kara would make sure it never happened.

* * *

_Kara heard Mon-El’s footsteps approach her apartment way before he actually stood in front of the door and knocked. It wasn’t that unusual, really; she’d learnt to recognize Mon-El from his footsteps and breathing in the last couple of weeks they’ve been living together._

_Yet this time it was different. This time, it wasn’t the calm, steady breaths Kara was accustomed to that she heard. Mon-El’s breathing was shallow, his heart was pounding in his chest, and during the at most ten-second-long walk from the elevator to her front door he’d gulped multiple times. Frowning, Kara lifted her head from the article she was writing and looked at the door using her X-ray vision._

_Yep, Mon-El definitely didn’t look good._

_She was just about to stand up and open the door for him, not wanting him to bother with finding his key, but before she could even reach the door there was a knock. Mon-El had knocked on the door. Of their house._

_Kara’s heart skipped a beat as her steps halted briefly. Something was wrong. She was sure of it. Mon-El_ never _knocked on the door, even when he struggled to dig his keys out from his overfilled pockets. It was his home as much as hers anyway. Why would he_ knock _?_

_She shook her head to get rid of all the speculations—she was around 50—about what might have happened, and instead walked to the door to open it. And there Mon-El was, his hands tucked in his jean pockets, sporting a brown leather jacket and a beige t-shirt underneath. His head was bowed before Kara opened the door, eyes fixed on the pavement, but then he lifted his eyes._

_Kara’s breath hitched in her throat. There was such emotion in his eyes, such pain that she’d never seen before, that she felt her heart crack in her chest. And were those tears?_

_“Mon-El,” she gasped, stepping forward as anxiety took over her body. She grabbed his hand. “What happened? What’s wrong?”_

_Mon-El didn’t say anything as Kara pulled him inside, closing the door behind her. His hand in hers was limp, and he was looking at anywhere but Kara. The Kryptonian stepped in front of him, taking his face in her hands. She quickly did a check on him, making sure his paleness wasn’t about an injury, before turning her eyes back to his face. He wasn’t saying anything._

_“Come here,” Kara said, her hands traveling down his arms to his hands again. She pulled him to the couch, and he followed almost obediently. There was none of the usual carefree skip of his steps, none of his sometimes out-of-place (but always funny) humor, none of his…his_ happiness _. He looked terrified. Resigned, almost._

 _They sat side by side, Kara still not letting Mon-El’s hands go. He was staring at the floor and gulped again. Despite his somewhat calm stature—if you ignored his too wide eyes and pale face—his heart might have actually doubled its rate ever since he arrived. A knot lodged in Kara’s throat. He didn’t look good_ at all _. What had happened to him?_

_“Mon-El,” she said softly, grabbing his chin and turning his eyes to her face. “What’s wrong? You look…” She had to gulp before she continued. “You look like you’re in physical pain or-or something like that.” Mon-El just stared at her without saying anything, almost as if he was trying to memorize her face. Tears had filled his eyes again. “Say something, please,” Kara pleaded._

_“There’s…” Mon-El began, his voice rusty. Clearing his throat, he continued. “There’s, uh, something you need to know.” His eyes flickered away from her face again, as if he couldn’t bear looking at her. Kara shook her head, squeezing the Daxamite’s hand. She also couldn’t bear seeing him like this. It didn’t look, it didn’t… It didn’t_ sound _like him at all. She’d been used to happy, bubbly Mon-El that almost always had a smile on his face, no matter the situation. Not this…this sulking, fearful Mon-El._

_“You can tell me anything,” Kara said, conviction in her voice. “I’m your girlfriend, Mon-El. You can trust me.” This time, Mon-El’s answer came fast, almost surprising her._

_“I trust you,” he said, lifting his head to look at her. “But that’s the…that’s the thing. I-I don’t know if you will… No, you definitely_ won’t _trust me once you… Once you hear the truth.” Kara frowned, his words barely making sense. It took her a couple of seconds to answer._

 _“I don’t understand, Mon-El. Why would I_ not _trust you?” That notion seemed utterly ridiculous. There was a time she was afraid of how much she actually trusted Mon-El, how she could put her life in his hands without any hesitation or worry, but not anymore. He’d proved time and again that he wouldn’t hurt her, that he’d always look out for her safety, and protect her—even when she didn’t want it—against any threat to her life. She wasn’t afraid anymore._

_“Because I…” The words seemed to be physically paining Mon-El. He grimaced as he squeezed Kara’s hand absentmindedly. With the strength of the grip, Kara knew he was in no place to control his strength. It worried her even more. “Because I lied to you.” He said the words in a rush, as if at the same time he couldn’t get them out fast enough and he was afraid he’d never say them if he stopped._

_Kara’s whole body froze with those words. She didn’t know what to say. She didn’t even know what to think. A couple of seconds ago she was thinking how he’d never hurt her, and now…_ I lied to you _. That surely had to be a lie, right? Mon-El would never do anything like that._

 _“You_ lied _to me?” she repeated, needing to say the words out-loud to make sure she wasn’t hearing things. It didn’t make them feel more realistic._

_A painful look crossed Mon-El’s face. He only nodded._

_Kara’s eyes turned to her hands—the hands that had just been gripping Mon-El’s tightly, fearing the completely wrecked situation he seemed to be in—that were limp on Mon-El’s lap. She withdrew them slowly. All of her actions were slow, actually. It was as if she was in a daze, a dream, and she could only move in slow motion. Everything around her went on in their normal speed, yet she couldn’t process them._

_Her eyes finally met with Mon-El’s. Those gray eyes that used to shine almost blue on his happy days were now stormy._

_“About what?” Kara heard herself asking. Her voice, weirdly, sounded normal. Distant, almost. Like she wasn’t the one doing the talking. Like it was someone else._

_“About… About who I am,” Mon-El confessed. He was staring at the floor again, yet Kara couldn’t keep her eyes off of him. She didn’t say anything as he continued. “I’m not… I wasn’t the bodyguard of Daxam’s royal family, Kara. I was… I was their son.” He stopped briefly before continuing, his voice lower than any human’s hearing range. Yet she heard it loud and clear. “I’m the prince.”_

_She didn’t know how much time passed. Five seconds? Thirty seconds? One minute? More? She couldn’t say anything, do anything,_ feel _anything. She was utterly numb. The words rang around her head, repeating themselves over and over again, yet no matter how many times they circulated it didn’t make any more sense. It couldn’t make sense. Accepting it meant… Accepting it meant that it was all a lie. What she had… What they had would all be a lie. Her relationship would be built on a lie, and she couldn’t just accept that. She knew Mon-El. She knew who he was, she knew his strengths and insecurities, she knew his likes and dislikes, she knew everything… She’d thought she knew_ everything _about him. He’d never given her a reason to believe the contrary._

 _“You lied to me?” she repeated again, this time hurt creeping over her voice. She felt tears burning her throat as her fists clenched on her lap. “All this time we’ve known each other, all this time we’ve been dating, you’ve been_ lying _?” The words were venomous on her lips. Mon-El winced visibly, his shoulders slouching._

_“I didn’t mean to. I didn’t want to. Kara, look—“_

_“You didn’t_ mean to _?” she asked, raising her voice. She couldn’t help it; she was shaking all over. “Is that… Is that your excuse for lying? That you didn’t want it? Does that supposed to-to make it better?” Mon-El looked desperate as he shook his head, yet Kara could barely notice it. She was too busy with the anger burning in his chest, and the hurt that threatened to consume her. Yet she was pushing the latter away, keeping it far from her heart. Instead she focused on the anger because it was easier. It was easier to be angry at Mon-El for lying than thinking about how he broke her trust. It was easier than to admit it_ hurt _._

_“No, of course not!” Mon-El sputtered, his palms open and facing the ceiling. “It’s… It’s not okay, Kara. I know it. And you have every right to be… to be angry at me—“_

_“Damn right I do!” Kara interrupted, suddenly feeling too restless to sit and jumping up to her feet. “You lied, Mon-El, and it wasn’t just about some-some silly thing. You lied about your identity. This changes_ everything _. How can I know that the Mon-El I know is the real Mon-El? Is Mon-El even your real name?”_

 _“Wha-_ of course _it’s my real name!” Mon-El yelled, also standing up. “I’m… I’m Mon-El Gand. I didn’t lie about that.” Kara crossed her arms, trying to get rid of the knot building up in her throat._

 _“Good to know,” she said sarcastically. “That doesn’t change the fact that I… I_ don’t know you _at all. That it was all… It was all a lie.” Those words hurt more than she could imagine._

 _“It wasn’t,” Mon-El whispered hopelessly, stepping forward. He raised his hands, reaching for Kara’s, yet stopped short and thought better of it. He shook his head. “It wasn’t all a lie. You have to believe me, Kara. The prince… It’s- It’s nothing more than a title. A title I don’t particularly enjoy having. I wasn’t… I wasn’t pretending to be someone else when I lied. The prince… It isn’t who I am. It never was. Please.” His voice broke, unshed tears shining in his eyes._ Please _, he begged again without making a noise, only moving his lips. A part of Kara couldn’t take seeing him like this, so broken and wretched, yet that part was overpowered by the other part. The part that was angry at Mon-El for lying, and also utterly afraid that their relationship might not be real. Just as she was starting to fall for him._

_“Why?” she asked, uncrossing her arms. “If it isn’t who you are, why bother hiding? Why lie? You could’ve just told me.”_

_“To a Kryptonian?” he croaked, his voice laced with desperation and guilt. “Someone I didn’t know? I couldn’t… I couldn’t take the risk revealing myself, Kara. I was afraid you’d lock me up again, or worse.” Kara shook her head._

_“I’m not talking about when you first woke up, Mon-El. Why didn’t you tell me afterwards? When we got together? Or even before that, when we were friends and you_ knew _you could trust me? Why didn’t you tell me then?” A sigh left Mon-El’s lips as he threw himself on the couch, taking his head in his hands. He shook his head._

 _“By then I was too afraid,” he confessed, not looking up. “Too afraid of…this. Of you not understanding. Leaving me. You said… You said multiple times how the prince was the ‘worst of the worst,’ how he didn’t care about anything, and he was the ‘frat boy of the universe’… You_ hated _him, Kara, and I was afraid you’d hate me too. You were the only person that ever gave a damn about me, that saw me beyond my name or title and instead looked at who I was inside. I didn’t want to lose that. I know it’s selfish, but I… I couldn’t take that risk.” He pressed his lips together before continuing. Kara didn’t say anything. She couldn’t. She didn’t want to interrupt him. “And I thought… I thought me being the prince didn’t matter. Daxam was gone anyway, so whose prince was I anymore? I convinced myself it didn’t matter, I convinced myself that I could start over. Be someone else, someone…someone better. And that was thanks to_ you _. If I lost you, it’d all crumble apart, and I didn’t think I could handle that. I was afraid it might make me revert back to the way I was. I didn’t want to be that person anymore._

 _“Then I… Then I started falling for you. And I-I’ve never felt anything like that about anyone in my life. I didn't_ know _that there were that many feelings to even be had. I wasn’t prepared for it, and I… I didn’t know what to do about them. It made me even more scared of losing you, because now you’ve somehow warped your way into my heart and if you left, you’d be taking a part of it too. I was too afraid. Too afraid to get hurt that I didn’t think. I only looked out for myself.” He stopped then for a while, staring at his palms as if they held the answer to all of his questions. Kara couldn’t breathe. Air was hitched in her throat as she watched Mon-El lift his head and stand up slowly._

_“But then you…you returned my feelings. We built a relationship,” he started, stepping forward. There were barely three feet between them. “And I wanted to be… I wanted to be a good boyfriend for you. To give you the relationship you wanted, and since I didn’t know much about how that stuff worked on Earth, I searched the Internet. The more I read about it, though, the more I learnt that relationships were… They were meant to built on trust and…and honesty. There should be no big secrets. It made me feel horrible, Kara. I hadn’t realized until then how wrong I was for keeping this secret. You deserved to know who I was before starting a relationship with me. You deserved to know and then decide whether you still wanted me or not. Yet I ignored that, and I am so, so sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. It’s all… It’s all on me.” He blinked his tears away, stopping to get a grip on himself. His voice was strained as he chuckled. “It seems like I haven’t really changed, right? I’m still that selfish prince.”_

_Kara was dumbstruck. Speechless. She wanted to say something, anything, yet her mouth wasn’t agreeing with her. She moved her lips without making any sound._

_It was the most heartfelt confession she’d heard in her life. And the truth was, she_ understood _. She understood where he was coming from. He didn’t hide his identity because he didn’t trust her, he did it because he was afraid. She couldn’t help remembering how, when he first arrived on Earth, he’d tried to protect the prince and claim he wasn’t all bad, but afterwards… After some time he’d stopped. He instead told her that the prince wasn’t really a role model. He truly didn’t like who he’d been when he was the prince, and he was afraid Kara wouldn’t like it as well. He didn’t want it to matter, and he was afraid if he told her it would. It would matter and Kara would walk away._

_Hadn’t she felt that way before?_

_For years she’d hid her alien identity from almost everyone. All aliens had to hide their identity if they didn’t want to become preys of people who either wanted to kill them or use them. But it wasn’t just about that. She hid it because she was afraid to lose her friends over…over being an alien. She was afraid if they knew they’d leave her. See her as…abnormal. Unnatural. And she didn’t want to lose them over something she didn’t have a control over. She’d looked human, why couldn’t she be like one?_

_Yet those words didn’t reach her mouth. They didn’t roll off her tongue. “Mon-El,” she only managed to mumble, wrapping her arms around herself again, feeling cold. “I—“_

_“You don’t have to say anything, Kara,” he interrupted with a husky voice. “I know I was wrong. I know I made a mistake. You don’t have to pretend like it’s okay just for my sake. It’s not; I’m aware of that.” He reached forward, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear. “I can’t change what I did, but I want you to know that what we had was real, at least for me. The truth is, I’ve never been happy on Daxam, not truly. I’m… I’m not saying I’m happy it’s destroyed, there were a lot of people I cared about there and a lot of people that deserved a fate much better than what they got, but I’m glad that when it was destroyed I found my way here. That I found…you. I was incredibly lucky. You gave me a home, Kara, a home I can be happy in. I’m… I’m so grateful for that, and I can’t thank you enough.” A small smile pulled his lips before it disappeared. “And I also want you to know that…that I’ve fallen in love with you.” Kara’s eyes widened with those words, those short six words that held so much power._ I’ve fallen in love with you _. Her heart stuttered in her chest as she struggled to grasp the deepness and intensity of those words, of…of Mon-El’s feelings. “I love you, Kara. You should know that. I’m… I’m not lying now. And I’m not saying it because I expect you to come back to me. I’m telling it because you deserve much better than a lie. You should know that. You deserve someone honest, kind, caring, and someone that can make you happy. Someone like_ you _.” He stopped briefly. “Someone amazing.”_

 _Kara knew she had to say something. Anything. Tears were burning her eyes, her throat, her_ heart _. Yet all she could do was stare into Mon-El’s eyes. And inside them, she saw it. She saw he wasn’t lying. Of course she always knew how much Mon-El was impressed by her—he never failed to make her feel like she was amazing—but she didn’t know… She had no idea how far it went. Mon-El loved her, truly loved her with all his heart. He thought he deserved the best, if not that then she deserved better than him. There was no way to describe the emotions in her heart._

_If only she hadn’t been paralyzed and had gotten the words out._

_“Anyway,” Mon-El said when she didn’t stop, stepping back. Clearing his throat, he shook his head. “Anyway, I thought… I thought you should know that. I’ll… I’ll leave now. You can call me. If you want. And I’d understand if you don’t.” He lifted his eyes to look at Kara, as if it was the last time, trying to memorize every little detail about her face. He shook his head again. “Bye, Kara.”_

_With that he turned around and left, those last words echoing in Kara’s ears. Somehow, it felt like a permanent goodbye on Mon-El’s part, and Kara wasn’t sure how to feel about that._

* * *

Alex was tapping her foot to the floor, her eyes focused on the man in front of her. She only occasionally glanced away from his hands, her eyes flickering to her mother or outside the lab. She’d promised her sister that she’d make sure nothing Max did would hurt Mon-El again. And despite being slightly bored, if she had to stand here day and night to make sure that happened, she would.

Especially after last night, where the Kryptonian barely slept for three hours before she rushed back to the DEO and spent the whole day in front of Mon-El’s cell, despite… Well, despite all the common sense in the world. Alex tried to talk her out of it, say that Mon-El wasn’t himself right now and she’d only get hurt, yet the Kryptonian was adamant. “I have to make sure he’s okay, Alex,” she’d argued. “I’ll only stay until he wakes up.” She sounded so desperate that Alex could only let her go.

She’d returned around 7:30, with a newfound hope shining in her eyes. Alex had arched her brow when the Kryptonian approached her. “He _remembers_ ,” she’d said. She’d sounded lighter and more hopeful than she’d been for the last few days. “A-A part of him remembers, at least.”

“What are you talking about?” Alex had asked. “Is he awake?” Kara had nodded with a smile on her face. Her eyes had been shining again, after being dull for so long, and her hair had glimmered under the rays of sunlight. She’d looked tired, yes, and there were still circles under her eyes, yet she was more like…herself. Happy. Hopeful.

“Yeah, he just woke up. He told me he was looking for home, Alex. He said… He said it was comets.” She’d stopped for a second. “He always said my eyes looked like comets that he used to watch on Daxam.” It was just a small thing, and probably both Alex and Kara knew that, yet the agent wasn’t about to point that out right when Kara was beginning to heal. Instead she’d smiled and hugged her sister, telling her how happy she was for her.

“I didn’t think Mon-El could forget you completely,” she’d said. “That guy loves you way too much for that.” Kara had beamed at those words and hugged Alex again before leaving for CatCo. She said she’d return as soon as possible.

Alex got rid of her thoughts as she stepped forward, looking at the cables in Max’s hands. “How is it going?” she asked, her eyes turning to Eliza. The woman was watching Max as well, lending a hand whenever she was needed as well as answering his questions about alien physiology.

“I think it’ll work,” she announced, putting her hand on Alex’s back. “We can’t be sure until we test it on him, of course, but it seems like the best way to reverse what was done to him.”

“Yep,” Max supplied, reaching for a battery to connect the cables with. “It’ll just be like defibrillating his brain. If its normal rhythm isn’t functioning correctly, you gotta shut it down completely before you can reboot it.” He pressed on a couple of buttons on the computer next to him. “Hopefully, during the reboot his thoughts will revert back to the way it was.”

“ _Hopefully_?” Alex asked, stepping forward. She crossed her arms. “This is Mon-El’s life we’re talking about. You have to do a bit better than _hopefully_.” Max stopped what he was doing and straightened up, turning to the agent.

“Well, be my guest then, bring me a Daxamite I can test this theory on. Because we can’t know for sure until we test it on a live subject.” Alex clenched her teeth as an answer, straightening up her shoulders and lifting her chin.

“I won’t let you hurt him,” she asserted, a bit of venom in her voice. “Not any more than you already have done.” Max snorted with a roll of his eyes, and if it hadn’t been for Eliza, Alex could’ve punched him in the face.

“Alex,” she said softly. “He’s right.” Alex’s eyes snapped at her mom.

“Mom, Mon-El is—“

“I know how much he matters to Kara,” Eliza continued, her voice filled with reason and understanding. “But there’s no way we can test the cure. I’d like to be able to do that, but we don’t have a subject whose physiology is even close to Mon-El. But from what I can see, there’s a good chance it’ll work.” Alex pressed her lips together, her hands falling to her sides. She shook her head.

“Kara can’t lose Mon-El,” she said slowly. “What if it doesn’t work? What if it hurts him more? It…kills him?” She’d wanted so badly for her mother to say Mon-El would be okay and he’d be saved, yet Eliza was a scientist: she was realistic if nothing else.

“There’s a chance, however very small. But you and I both know it would still be better than doing nothing.” She looked in pain as she took a deep breath. She didn’t need to say more, Alex understood the meaning well enough. _Mon-El would choose death before he hurt anyone he loves. He hurts Kara_.

Nodding, she turned back to Max. “When will it be ready?” she asked, trying to get rid of the sick feeling in her stomach. Max attached another cable to the device.

“In a couple of minutes. We just need to insert this to the red-beam gun now.” He flashed a smile at Alex. “Two birds with one stone, am I right? Or gun, in this case.”

Alex was just about to answer when alarms started blazing in the DEO, showering them with flickering red lights. She frowned as her eyes met with her mother briefly, and then she ran out to Winn’s side.

“Winn!” she called for the IT specialist. He was furiously typing something on his computer, and didn’t even acknowledge the agent. “What’s going on?”

Winn’s hands suddenly stopped on the keyboard, his face paling. Alex turned to the image on the computer. Air left her lungs.

“Is that…”

“Coming from the prison cells? Yep.” He took a deep breath. “This isn’t good.” Alex shook her head, stepping back.

“No, it isn’t,” she whispered. “It’s Mon-El.”

* * *

Kara had felt truly happy as she skipped into the room where they were keeping Mon-El. She had a package from Big Belly Burger dangling from her hand, filled with two cheeseburger menus, as well as a bottle of water. She was assuming Mon-El hadn’t eaten much in the last couple of days, and the least she could do was give him food and water. Besides, Alex told her that the cure was almost ready. It wouldn’t be too long before Mon-El returned to them. What was there to be sad about?

As it turned out, though, she’d thought that way too early.

“Hey, Mon-El,” she started as she entered the corridor, a smile on her face. “I brought you—“ And then she saw him. Inside the cell. He was on the floor, his body sprawled at a weird angle. From where she was she could see his eyes; they were open and staring at the ceiling. They were… They were glassy, almost. Even the red veins around her eyes had subsided, only the pinkish color of a blush now.

The takeout package slipped from Kara’s hand and fell down.

“Mon-El!” she yelled as she rushed to the door, quickly entering the passcode and opening it. Her heart was pounding in her chest, fear gripping her heart. Was he… Could he be…

 _No_ , she stopped herself. She couldn’t think like that. _Nobody would kill him here. Unless…_ Her breath hitched in her throat. _Unless it’s one of Lillian’s sick ploys to hurt me._ She wouldn’t put it beyond the Luthor to prepare a poison that would kill Mon-El in the course of a few days, just so that she could watch it happen. Maybe Maxwell was a part of it as well. Maybe he’d lied about Lillian’s death.

Those were the thoughts circling around her head as she waited for the utterly slow door to open so that she could get in. And then she was on her knees beside Mon-El, listening for a heartbeat as her hand went to his neck. _Please don’t be dead_ , she thought. _Please don’t leave me_.

She heard the heartbeats one second later. Steady heartbeats, if not a bit fast, and completely…completely healthy. But she didn’t even have time to process that he was alive, let alone consider why his heart sounded normal, before Mon-El’s eyes snapped at her. He pushed back from the floor in a flurry of movement, and the next thing Kara felt was a kick to her stomach. She crashed into a wall, and she was sure if the cell wasn’t strengthened to accommodate even her strength, there would be a Kara-sized hole in the wall.

Her muscles hurt as she tried to regain her strength, looking up from where she fell down. Mon-El was standing right in front of the cell, waiting for her to get out. Waiting to…

Waiting to kill her.

“Mon-El,” she whispered as she stood up, her hands in the air to indicate she didn’t want to hurt him. “I’m not gonna hurt you.”

 _“Of course you’d say that,”_ Mon-El hissed, almost stepping forward. He stopped short before entering the cell. _“You locked me up,_ Kara _.”_ He spat her name out as if it was his least favorite food.

“It was for your own sake,” Kara argued tentatively, taking a step towards the door. “Mon-El, this isn’t—“

 _“You don’t know me!”_ Mon-El yelled, this time stepping in the room. He grabbed her from her arm and tossed her outside the door. Kara’s body hit the floor in a thump. _“You’re not gonna get away with what you’ve done!”_

Kara saw Mon-El run to her, and she barely had time to jump to her feet and fly to avoid a punch to her face. She quickly landed behind Mon-El, turning to face him.

“Don’t do this!” she begged, extending her hands towards him. He growled as he spun around with another punch. Kara grabbed his hand and twisted it, sending him a couple of feet away from herself. She hadn’t pushed him back too hard, which resulted in him gaining his balance very quickly. “Please, I don’t want to hurt you.” _I can’t hurt you_.

 _“That’s a shame,”_ Mon-El hissed, advancing on her. She ducked his first punch. _“Because I will hurt you.”_ The second one, though… She was too slow. It connected with her jaw and caused her to take a couple of steps back. She was feeling dizzy, yet all her training kicked in as she saw Mon-El swinging a kick at her direction and jumped to the side to avoid it.

She could barely keep up with Mon-El’s attacks, and attacking he did. She could lie to herself and say that it was because Mon-El was really fast and she couldn’t find an opportunity to get a punch in. Yet it wasn’t the truth. She’d had—she’d noticed—plenty of opportunities, but she just… She just couldn’t use them. She knew Mon-El wouldn’t break under her attacks like another alien might, but punching him in the face or kicking his stomach still sickened her to her stomach.

And once that thought had seeped into her head, it had slowed her down. Not a lot, not considerably, yet when you were talking about two aliens with super strength and speed, even a small amount of weakness was enough. Soon enough… Soon enough, she’d failed to block one of Mon-El’s attacks. His hand wrapped around her neck and he slammed her into the wall, strongly enough that Kara felt it actually crack.

She barely felt the footsteps entering the room, or her sister’s yell. “Supergirl!” Still, her eyes turned to the agent, who was pointing her gun at Mon-El; the gun she’d gotten from the Slaver’s Moon. Kara felt fear rise in her stomach.

“Alex, don’t!” she managed to yell with a rusty voice before Mon-El’s hand tightened on her throat, cutting her airway. She had time to only suck in a sharp breath before…before she couldn’t breathe anymore.

“Oh, no,” Winn whispered next to Alex, watching the scene unfold in front of him with fearful eyes.

“We need the gun _now_ ,” Alex hissed to Winn, and the IT specialist left without a second glance at Mon-El or Kara. And then Alex turned to her sister again. “He’s killing you, Kara,” she begged, stepping forward. Kara tried to gulp, tried to get air into her lungs, yet it wasn’t working. She shook her head again. _Don’t hurt him, please,_ she tried to say with her eyes. _I love him. Don’t hurt him. Don’t kill him._ Fortunately, Alex seemed to understand it, even though she didn’t completely agree.

Kara didn’t know how much she could live without oxygen. She knew it was considerably longer than a human, yet it wasn’t much. Especially if Mon-El kept squeezing and broke her neck. Her eyes flickered back to him and his stormy grey eyes.

He still looked beautiful, even with rage in his face, even with the red veins pulsing under his eyes. He was one of the most beautiful people Kara met on earth _and_ Krypton. She couldn’t believe what they turned him into.

Yet it didn’t lessen her feelings, her _love_ , for him. It _couldn’t_. She knew this wasn’t Mon-El, she knew first-hand how horribly red-kryptonite could mess someone’s mind. She’d been through it. And…And what was done to Mon-El… It was worse than that. They didn’t only mess with his head, they also messed with his heart. That pure, innocent heart of his. Because that was how Mon-El truly was. He was funny, he was kind, he was carefree, he… He made Kara laugh, he put a smile on her face no matter what, he stayed by her side and listened whenever she was feeling down and found a way to lighten up her mood, he…

He loved her. More than anyone in this world. With him Kara truly felt what it was like to be loved wholeheartedly, _unconditionally_. They had their arguments, yes, and they both made a lot of mistakes, yet at the end of the day Mon-El never left. She remembered one time they had a huge fight about how Mon-El treated a hostile alien, a fight that ended up with both of them yelling at each other’s faces and Kara storming out of DEO. She’d come home after that, expecting Mon-El to stay with Winn or in the DEO—she didn’t think he’d want to see him—when she heard him enter the house and slip into the empty space next to her on the bed. He didn’t say anything, neither did she, yet no words were necessary anyway as she snuggled up to him. It was enough having him there. By her side.

He’d always been by her side, right? Through everything? He never left her, never expected anything from her except her being…herself. He didn’t need her to be Supergirl or Kara Danvers to love her, she didn’t need to act human or be a superhero. He’d support her and stand by her with every decision she’d make. He had been the best boyfriend she could ask for.

Which was why it hurt all the more to see him like…like this. So unlike him.

She knew alien or no she didn’t have much time left; her throat had already started burning. She forced herself to lift her hand and cupped his cheek softly. He looked almost surprised by the gentleness of her touch.

“I love you, Mon-El,” she mouthed, hoping he understood. “I forgive you.” _You should know that_.

Her strength was failing as she started seeing black dots around her eyes. Her hand slipped down his cheek and fell to her side limply. She tried to keep her focus on Mon-El as best as she can. _I love you. I forgive you. This wasn’t your fault. And please, if you ever come back, know all of that. And that I don’t blame you_. She wished she could voice those words.

Her eyes were about to shut when she saw a flare of red light, heard a faint grunt, and suddenly the hand on her throat disappeared. She fell to the ground, air rushing into her lungs and making her cough. She still felt dizzy, still couldn’t see or feel much of anything other than the burning in her throat and the ground beneath her.

_Am I dead?_

Not too long after there were arms around her, arms that held her gently, arms that give strength. She looked up, seeing her sister. “Kara?” she muttered, cupping the Kryptonian’s cheek. There were tears in her eyes. “Kara, you’re okay. You’re alive.”

 _I’m alive_. Her brain was slow at processing things. She was alive, which meant Mon-El must’ve let go. The red flare. Like a…

Like a shot from an alien gun. _No_.

Fear gripped her heart as she rushed to her feet, her eyes turning to where Mon-El had been. She was expecting to see him on the floor and knocked out, yet it wasn’t the case. He was standing, a couple of feet away from her, looking down at his hands. Maxwell was behind him with a gun. A smug grin spread on his face as his eyes met Kara’s. “It seems like it worked,” he said to Alex. “Are you doubting me now?” Alex, apparently, wasn’t in the mood to retort back. Her hand was on Kara’s back.

“Kara…” she started, yet the Kryptonian wasn’t paying attention. Her eyes focused on Mon-El. She took a tentative step forward, trying to get a good look at his face. She could see his hands were shaking, hear the thumping of his heart. Her heart wasn’t in a much different situation. _Is he…_

“Mon-El?” she whispered, opening her palms invitingly. “Mon-El, is that you?” The Daxamite lifted his eyes, their gray piercing into Kara’s.

No sign of red veins. No sign of anger, or rage, or hate. Relief flooded into Kara as her shoulders sagged. A small smile pulled her lips, tears welling up in her eyes. He was back. Her Mon-El was back. They’d managed to save him.

She didn’t lose him. Not now. Not forever.

The relief was short-lived, though. It took her one second too long to truly process the look on Mon-El’s face. It wasn’t one of relief from coming back. It wasn’t salvation, or happiness, or joy. It was pure, utter _agony_. He looked like he was in physical pain as he looked at Kara’s eyes. His lips were parted and his hands were shaking.

“Kara,” he whispered, his voice cracking in the middle. His eyes turned to her throat and he winced.

That was when Kara realized what was going on. _Oh, no_. Why hadn’t she thought about it sooner? She was absolutely _devastated_ when she woke up from the effects of red kryptonite, and her situation wasn’t as bad as Mon-El’s. He’d killed people, he’d hurt people, but most of all… Most of all he hurt her. Not just physically, emotionally as well. Of course Kara didn’t hold it against him, she knew the real Mon-El would never do any of those stuff, but… Mon-El obviously didn’t see it that way. He blamed _himself_.

Tears filled his eyes as he shook his head, reaching for Kara. He then grimaced and pulled his hand back as if it was poisonous, as if he didn’t deserve to even touch her. Pain tightened Kara’s chest.

“Kara, I didn’t… I wasn’t…” he stuttered and then shook his head again. One tear escaped his eyes and slipped down his cheek. His voice was strained with the knot in his throat and his unshed tears. Kara had never seen him this pained, this…crushed. He looked _broken_. “I’m so sorry.”

That was the last thing he said before he spun around and rushed out of the room with super speed before anyone could stop him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I hope you enjoyed that! But back to the story. So, initially, my plan was to make this a one big story and not a two part thing or something, but I've changed a lot of things from my original plan during the writing process (I wasn't really planning on killing Lillian that early on) and now it feels like this part of the story is coming to an end. It's gonna be one or two chapters after this. BUT don't worry, I have a second part planned for this. I don't know when I'll start writing and posting it (I like doing those at the same time) but it won't take a long time. 
> 
> I have to say, you guys, I really, really enjoyed writing this story. This chapter was actually one of the first parts I've planned for the story (Mon-El coming back and all) and the whole thing basically was built around this scene. I hope that you've liked it as much as I did! Karamel holds a really special place in my heart right now, and as much as it saddens me to finish this part, I'm so excited to start the second part! 
> 
> Thank you all so much for all your supports and comments, and thank you for having this ride with me. I love each and every one of you! Getting emails about comments and kudos was one of the best parts of my weeks, and it really put a smile on my face. That was probably why I managed to publish a chapter every week, and not give up lol. So thanks!
> 
> See you in the next chapter!


	15. i love you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING!!! The following chapter contains lots and lots and lots of angst, enough to bring tears to the author's eyes as she wrote it. Be warned, and if you opt to read it, bring a tissue or two if you don't want to make a mess on your keyboard (just saying, not that anything like that happened). 
> 
> Enjoy!

_Kara didn’t know how long she’d been standing in front of Winn’s door, just staring at the brown surface. She couldn’t find Mon-El at the DEO—apparently he’d never returned there after coming to her house—and since he didn’t have a place for himself to stay… This was the only place Kara could think of that he would go._

_That was why she’d called Winn to check if she was right. Fortunately, she was, but… But Winn really didn’t sound good when she mentioned Mon-El’s name._

_“Yeah, he came last night. He…didn’t look well,” he’d said cryptically, refusing to comment more on the subject. Kara only managed to rip another sentence from his mouth: “He told me what happened.” And that was pretty much it. So Kara didn’t really have any idea what to expect._

_Finally she managed to gather up her courage to use her X-ray vision to look inside. First thing she spotted was Winn’s couch in his small living room, its back to her. She could see Mon-El sitting on it. Her heart skipped a beat as she watched him lean forward, elbows resting on his knees, and run his fingers through his hair. There was glass pieces scattered around his feet, and Kara also spotted a puddle of some liquid. From the look of the glass pieces and the label on it, it was…_

_It was Zakkarian ale._

_Kara sucked in a sharp breath as worry crept its way into her heart. Was he drinking? Was that why he hadn’t come to DEO? Because he’d gotten drunk?_

_Guilt churned in Kara’s stomach, even as she tried to push it down. It was her fault. Mon-El was changing, he was getting better, and now she’d ruined all of that because she was too damn scared to admit her feelings. Granted, Mon-El gave her a lot to think about the previous night, but even before he left she was sure of what she felt. She could’ve said it. She could’ve prevented this._

_Shaking her head and trying to get ahold of her thoughts, she finally knocked on the door. Mon-El was startled with the sound, lifting his head with a frown, before he stood up. Kara heard him sigh as he approached the door, and with his every step her tension doubled; by the time his fingers wrapped around the handle she felt as tight as a stretched rubber band, ready to snap._

_“Winn’s not he—“ he started with a husky voice…until he saw who was standing in front of him. His voice trailed off as shock splashed on his face. He blinked once, twice, as if he couldn’t believe what he was seeing._ “Kara?”

_“Hey,” Kara stammered, forcing a smile. It faltered pretty quickly. Clearing her throat, she tried to pull herself together and rested her hands on her hips. “I just… Winn told me that you were here, and I…I needed to see you.” She took a deep breath before she lifted her eyes, looking directly in Mon-El’s. “We need to talk.”_

_Mon-El didn’t answer for a long while as he looked at Kara, his eyes searching his face. It allowed Kara some time to look at him and truly see how he is._

_Winn wasn’t wrong. He did look horrible. His face was pale with huge bags under his eyes that indicated a sleepless night. His shoulders were slouched under his gray-black sweater; he didn’t have a sign of his usual confidence. His lips, which were usually adorned with a carefree grin, now were two thin slits pressed together. He looked lost, like…like someone who didn’t have a direction in life anymore. Kara’s heart ached for him._

_The one thing that was surprising for Kara was that he didn’t smell of alcohol at all. He didn’t look drunk. But then the Zakkarian ale… Did he take it to drink it and then decided otherwise? A flicker of pride filled Kara’s chest. So he didn’t drink after all._

_He truly had changed._

_Mon-El broke the silence before she could decide what that was about. “Ye-yeah, sure,” he stuttered with a hasty nod, stepping back from the door. “Come in.” Kara flashed him another smile as she walked in slowly, adjusting her glasses and tightening up her ponytail. She stopped and turned around when she heard Mon-El close the door._

_“I’m sorry,” she blurted out suddenly without really thinking. It wasn’t as if she had a plan about what to say anyway; she hadn’t thought about it much. All her focus was coming here and_ talking _to Mon-El. Right now, she wished she at least thought about what she could_ say _._

_“What?” Mon-El asked with a soft chuckle, shaking his head. He tucked his hands in his pockets. “Why-why are you apologizing?” Kara shook her head before answering, reaching for her glasses and taking them off. She rested them on the kitchen counter._

_“For not saying anything yesterday when you came over,” she started explaining, taking a step forward. “When you said you were the prince. I should’ve said something, anything, but…I was too shocked.” Mon-El rolled his eyes softly, shaking his head._

_“You don’t—You don’t have to apologize for that, Kara. I dropped a lot on you, I…I know that. It’s understandable that you wanted some time to consider everything I said.” He shrugged, forcing a little smile. “It’s not every day that you learn your boyfriend was…was lying to you.” His shoulders fell with those words again as he turned his eyes to the floor. “And that…that he’s the prince of-of a planet of_ ‘frat boys.’ _”_

_“And that he loves you,” Kara supplied, wrapping her arms around herself. Mon-El glanced up at her, gulped, and nodded._

_“Yeah. And that.” His voice was barely a whisper; Kara was sure she wouldn’t be able to hear it without her superhearing. She cleared her throat to get rid of the knot lodged in it, as well as the fluttering of her heart._

_“Were you…serious?” she asked, turning her eyes on him. “You know,” she waved her hand in the air, “about-about loving me?” He’d sounded pretty serious the previous days, but Kara was familiar with words that seemed to be true at the heat of the moment and then ended up being…not-so true. She didn’t want this to be like that. She wanted Mon-El’s answer to her question to be yes so badly, because…_

_Because she was feeling the same thing for him. It was the first time she felt anything like this before, like_ love _, and… And she didn’t want to lose it. It wasn’t something temporary for her; it was serious. She just wanted… She just wanted Mon-El to be on the same page._

_“Yeah,” Mon-El answered a couple of seconds later. “I was… I was serious.” Relief washed over Kara as she couldn’t help the smile forming on her lips._

_“Good,” she nodded, uncrossing her arms. “Because… Because there’s something I need to tell you too.” She took another step forward. Now there were merely ten feet between them. “You did drop a lot of baggage on me last night. And… And one reason I couldn’t say anything before you left was that I don’t think I truly processed all of it. I was hurt over your lie, and that took priority in my mind. It was only later, as I had time to think over it, that I realized something.” She took a deep breath, words flowing from her lips now. As if the more she talked, the truth became easier to say. “You were wrong. Not about… Not about lying, because you shouldn’t have done that, but…the other things. The truth is… We all make mistakes. We all have weak moments where we think of ourselves before others, where we act selfishly and maybe hurt people to protect ourselves. But that doesn’t make us bad people.” She smiled at Mon-El, a genuine smile that reached her eyes this time, and closed the distance between them. Mon-El wasn’t even breathing as he stared at her eyes like he couldn’t quite believe what he was hearing, like…_

_Like he’d expected her to lash out at him. Tell him he was bad, tell him… Tell him she was breaking up with him. It hurt Kara’s heart how lowly he thought about himself when the truth was far, far away from that. “What decides whether we’re good or bad is what we do about the mistakes we made. And you coming to me yesterday, confessing your wrongdoings and your feelings without expecting anything from me, it shows you’re a good person. That shows you recognized what you did wrong and tried to fix it, and Mon-El, you have no idea how much that means to me.” She lifted her hands to put them on his shoulders._

_“I know I didn’t treat you how I should’ve when you first arrived on Earth. I was biased about Daxam, about the royal family, about…about the prince. I said very bad things about them without truly knowing who they are. Who…you are. I made you feel bad about yourself and think that you should keep this from me, and I shouldn’t have done that. That’s not how a girlfriend should act. I’m supposed to listen to you, to try to see from your point of view without judging you, just like you’ve done for me so many times.” She lifted her eyes slowly to look at the man in front of her; the man who’d opened his heart to him the previous day knowing she could break it, the man who always listened to her when she needed it, the man… The man who stood by her side through everything, who never made her feel like she needed to live up to an expectation, who celebrated who she was completely and urged her to be that person. A smile pulled his lips._

_“So last night I listened to you,” she continued, “and thought about what you said, and I decided that…that I understand you. I understand why you weren’t willing to tell me. I understand why you were afraid; I’d felt the exact same thing about people finding out I’m an alien when I was in high school. And I also realized that…that being the prince doesn’t define you. I know the kind of person_ you _are, and he is someone that I want by my side. He’s someone that makes me happy, that supports me, that_ loves _me with all he has. And he’s also someone that_ I _love back with all I have.” The words left her mouth without hesitation, without second thoughts, without even questioning the implications they might have. She was ready for it, she was ready to face all of that with Mon-El. It was the first time she truly considered a future with someone, and she wanted to have that, to have it_ all _._

_She wasn’t even sure Mon-El was breathing as he looked at her. He opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out, as if he was shell-shocked, not truly expecting what Kara had said. It only made Kara’s smile widen. “I love you, Mon-El of Daxam, and I want to be with you. If you accept me, of course,” she teased, clasping her hands together at the nape of his neck. Mon-El chuckled breathlessly and shook his head, his arms finding their place around Kara’s face._

_“Yes,” he whispered as he leaned forward, pressing a short but passionate kiss on Kara’s lips that took her breath away. “Yes, of course I accept you.” He was smiling as he looked up at Kara briefly, his eyes that looked so dull a couple of minutes ago shining bright right now, so much so that they looked more blue than gray. Kara would be lying if she said she didn’t like it. “I love you, Kara,” he continued, pressing his forehead against hers. Kara smiled back, biting her lip, and she muttered the same words back to him before leaning in for another kiss._

_“I love you too, Mon-El.”_

* * *

The room fell into complete silence after Mon-El burst out of it in a flurry. Kara had tried to reach him before he left, tried to grab his arm and stop it, yet it didn’t work. Now her hand was outstretched, grabbing into air, at the place where Mon-El had just been.

“Mon-El!” she called his name desperately, despite him disappearing long ago—at least long ago to someone with super speed. He was gone. He was just…gone.

Her heart was thumping in her chest as she tried to push back her tears. She didn’t need them right now. She needed to focus, she needed to keep it together for Mon-El; she couldn’t just let herself break down. Shaking her head, she made a move to go after Mon-El…

Until Alex stopped her by grabbing her arm. “Kara,” she whispered softly, making the Kryptonian turn to her. There was a pained expression on her face, an expression that suggested to Kara that the situation was as bad as she’d imagined. “I don’t think you should go after him now.”

“What?” Kara stammered, her voice tear-strained. “Alex, you just saw what happened. You-you saw his face. He’s crushed, he’s hurting, but…but most of all he _hates_ himself. I need to be there for him.”

“Of course you’ll be,” Alex said soothingly, rubbing Kara’s shoulder. “But don’t you think he might need some time to-to process everything that happened? Alone?” She flashed a smile at the Kryptonian, yet the smile faltered quickly.

Kara knew Alex was just looking out for her— _and_ Mon-El. She wanted the best for them, and she might truly think it would be better if the Daxamite had some alone time, but Kara knew it was far from it. When she was saved from the effects of red kryptonite, she didn’t know what she’d do if it wasn’t for Alex; if she didn’t forgive her, if she didn’t tell her that they were sisters and no matter what she’d love her, and if she didn’t stand by her side when every horrible thing she did hunted her. Mon-El needed someone right now, needed someone that could be what Alex had been to her: Someone to hold him up, to forgive and love him despite what he did, to remind him that it wasn’t his fault, especially when he wasn’t capable of doing it himself. It broke Kara’s heart to even consider he might need to go through it alone, that he _was_ alone right now. She should be there for him. Not even should, she wanted to be there for him, to remind him that who he was under the effect of Max’s poison didn’t define who he was. She knew the kind of person he was, and she knew he’d never hurt anyone deliberately, especially not her. He willingly put himself in danger for her multiple times.

Though if he was thinking the same things she’d thought a year ago, she knew he’d need a little reminder about that.

“No, Alex. He shouldn’t be alone right now. He needs someone to be there for him, to-to listen to him and talk to him, to remind him that he wasn’t the one that did all the horrible things that poison made him to. You’d been that person for me when I was infected, you stayed by my side through everything and I… I don’t know what I’d have done if you weren’t there for me. I _need to be_ with him.” Maybe it was the desperation in Kara’s voice, or the tears filling her eyes, but understanding seeped into Alex’s face. She nodded curtly and let her go, flashing a smile at her.

“Then let’s go find him,” she said, turning to Winn. “We’ve put a tracker on him before putting him in the cell just in case he ran away again and we’d need to find him. Winn, do you think you can locate him?” With Alex’s question, Winn shook off his shock and snorted. It sounded forced, but at least he was trying. Kara appreciated him more for it.

“Pfft, of course I can. Are you doubting my tech skills?” Kara smiled briefly before shaking her head, following Winn to the main room.

“No, of course not.” She patted him on the shoulder, looking at him. “And thank you, for everything,” she said genuinely, and she meant it.

She expected Winn to crack a joke or maybe laugh at what she said, but he only returned her genuine gaze. “Mon-El is back, Kara,” he reminded her, grabbing her arm and squeezing it for support. “I know things don’t look good for him now, and I know you’re hurting for him, but don’t forget that he’s back, and appreciate it. We _saved_ him.” Kara’s throat knotted as she shook her head, truly grateful for his words. Because… Because he was right. She might be feeling down and worried sick about Mon-El, and the Daxamite might not be in the best of situations, but at the very least he was _back_. He wasn’t in Cadmus’s hands, he wasn’t infected, he was…he was _here_. And as long as he was here everything could be solved. As long as they were together.

“Yeah, you’re right,” Kara nodded, a flicker of hope lighting up like a candle in her chest. “And we’ll save him again, this time from himself.” This time, Winn’s smile wasn’t forced.

“Now that’s the Supergirl I know.”

By that time, they’d arrived in the main room. Winn immediately pulled a chair and sat in front of his computer, turning it on and started typing without wasting any time. Kara saw a map of National City pop up on the screen, and a dot probably triangulating Mon-El’s location. Crossing her arms anxiously and tapping her foot on the floor, she waited for the location to pop up, each second that passed increasing the agony. Finally the dot stopped at…

“He’s right outside National City, by the mountains,” Winn announced, turning to look at her.

“Good. Thank you, Winn,” she thanked him again, squeezing his shoulder briefly before she spun around and rushed out to the terrace, leaping into air.

* * *

It didn’t hurt. It didn’t _hurt_. No matter how much he punched or kicked the rock, no matter how harshly he crushed the broken pieces in his hand, they only crumbled down under his invincible skin. It didn’t _hurt_ , and Mon-El _wanted_ it to hurt.

He stared down at his hands, now blackened with dirt and all, shaking. There wasn’t a speck of blood on them. He didn’t deserve it, he didn’t deserve to be okay. Not when… Not when he’d hurt so many people. He’d hurt Kara.

He remembered _everything_. Everything he’d done from the moment he was affected, and he woke up with…with this rage burning inside him, till he was hit with that blast from a gun and suddenly he was back to himself again. He’d killed… He’d killed _so many people_. He’d killed them in cold blood when he didn’t have to. He’d done it just because he _felt like it_. How could he… How could he be forgiven for that? How could he make up for all the lives he’d taken? Those guards in Cadmus… He didn’t even know any of them. He couldn’t recall their faces. Were they young? Old? Did they have a family? A wife or a husband waiting for them at home? Children? No matter what they had, and even if they didn’t have anything, he’d taken their life as if…as if it was meaningless. How could he do that? Who gave him the right to do that? They were just _gone_ and it was his fault. Even… Even Lillian. She might be a bad person, and probably his life meant nothing to her, but that didn’t make what he did okay. He didn’t have the right to kill her either. What had Kara told him about stopping criminals? _Using too much power could hurt them irreversibly, or even kill them. We don’t want that._ And yet he’d hurt people, probably some that didn’t do a bad thing.

He’d also hurt _Kara_.

The thought burnt his chest, fire spreading all over his body. Guilt, shame, disgust… He’d felt it all, and it was way worse than any time he regretted something he’s done. He’d hurt Kara; the person that saved him from himself, the person that believed in him when no one else did, the person… The person that loved him and trusted him even when he didn’t deserve it, and inspired him to be a good guy just by _believing_ he could. The person that he _supposedly_ loved with all his heart. He’d went after her, he’d tried to hurt her, and almost…

He’d almost _killed_ her.

Tears filled his eyes until it was hard to see. He was already shivering all over, making it impossible to focus on anything. He still couldn’t believe that he wanted to kill her, that he thought… That he thought it’d make his life better? Allow him to find his home? It was utterly ridiculous. She was his home, she was where his heart belonged to, and…and…

He felt sick to his bones. He felt disgusted, so disgusted of himself. He wanted his hands to hurt, he wanted his fingers to break for every single drop of pain he’d caused Kara. It was even much, much less than he deserved. He should be behind bars right now, locked up forever, isolated from everyone. From… _her_. He should be sent to somewhere he couldn’t hurt anyone anymore, that he couldn’t cause any pain. In fact, he should’ve never come to Earth, or survived Daxam. If he hadn’t…none of this would’ve happened. Kara wouldn’t get hurt. She’d be okay, as well as all the others that he’d so mercilessly killed.

He punched the rock in front of him again, hoping it might make a difference now, as a salty tear slipped down his cheek. His hand crushed the surface, causing pieces to scatter around, and…and _nothing_. No blood, no scratch marks, no _pain_. He screamed with frustration as he slammed his palm against the rock, resting his foreheadhead against the surface. He’d tried so hard to stop his tears but it wasn’t working. His chest was shaking with silent sobs as tears wetted his cheeks.

Someone landed behind him. Mon-El didn’t need to look back to know who it was.

He didn’t turn as his heart constricted in his chest, causing immense pain. How would he ever be able to face her again? To… To look at her after everything he’d done? He’d known Kara could do way better than him before, but now… But now it had gotten way worse. He didn’t deserve to be with her. He shouldn’t be with her, in fact. She… She deserved to be happy with someone…with someone who didn’t kill people in cold blood, with someone who didn’t attack her and try to…

Words got stuck in his throat when he heard Kara’s voice, softer than ever. “Mon-El?” she whispered, stepping closer. Mon-El shut his eyes harshly, trying to stop the flow of tears, stop the sobs from escaping his mouth, and stop himself from shaking _so damn much_.

“Go away,” he croaked, his voice strained from tears. He hadn’t lifted his head from the rock.

“No,” Kara objected, the tone of her voice suggesting she would accept no opposition. “I’m not leaving you, Mon-El. Not like this.” He felt her hand hovering over his back, as if she couldn’t decide whether she should touch him or not, before she slowly lowered it to stroke his shoulder. Another shudder rocked his body with her gentle, soothing caress. He didn’t deserve that either. He didn’t deserve _any of it_. “Why don’t you talk to me? I’ll listen.”

“You should go,” he repeated without turning to him. His voice was muffled because of his bowed head. “You s-should get as far away from me as possible. You should… You should lock me up and throw me somewhere I-I can’t hurt anyone. I don’t…” His voice trailed off as a fresh wave of tears threatened to fall down.

“I’m not going to do that,” Kara said softly, if not a bit painfully. “You’re my boyfriend, Mon-El. I won’t do that to you.” She stepped closer again, enough that now they were standing side by side. “I’m always gonna stand by your side.” Her hand slid down his arm and over his hand, which was pressed on the rock, and she intertwined their fingers together.

Mon-El couldn’t take it anymore. He couldn’t take her kind words, her understanding voice, her soft tone as if…as if he hadn’t done anything wrong. As if he hadn’t killed people, as if he hadn’t tried to kill _her_. It felt like someone was pressing down on his chest, crushing his heart and lungs, making it hard to breathe, and it was too much. It was way too much.

“Don’t!” he yelled suddenly, pushing her hand away and tearing himself from the rock. He finally turned to Kara, his hands clenched into fists at his sides. He didn’t really know how Kara would look like, but…but he didn’t expect to see what he saw in her eyes. Understanding, and pain, and…and love. She was looking at him with love, still, after everything he’d done.

His stomach twisted.

“Just don’t,” he pleaded. “Don’t pretend like everything I did was okay, don’t-don’t pretend like I deserve to be soothed when I… When I hurt _so many people_. I-I did terrible things, Kara. I took… I took people’s lives as if they didn’t matter, as if…as if I had the right to decide who lives and who dies. They… They didn’t deserve that, even if they were bad they didn’t deserve their life being…being taken from them so soon.” He was breathing heavily by the time his sentence ended, words rushing out of his mouth, but then his eyes flickered down to Kara’s throat and his breath hitched again. There was of course no sign of his attack, he couldn’t permanently hurt someone with invincible skin, but… But that didn’t change what he did.

“I came after _you_ , Kara,” he whispered, shaking his head. “I…I t-tried to hurt you. It’s not… It’s not okay. I…” He lifted his hand to touch her neck, but stopped short. He shook his head. “I almost killed you. If they’d been late, I would… You would’ve been…” He couldn’t keep on talking as sobs knotted his throat, making it almost impossible for him to continue without breaking down. “I’m so sorry. I am so, so sorry Kara. You… You deserved much better than that, and I failed. I failed _you_. I’m—“

“Stop,” Kara interjected, not exactly harshly but insistently. She stepped forward before Mon-El could do anything, closing the distance between them, and took his face in her hands. The move was so unexpected that the Daxamite couldn’t do anything except stand there and watch her, her blue eyes searching his face intently. She shook her head. “You didn’t fail me, Mon-El. Do you understand? You didn’t fail me one bit.”

“Kara,” Mon-El objected weakly, trying to talk over his unshed tears. “I a-almost killed you. What if… What if I’d succeeded?” _I would die_ , he couldn’t help thinking, even though the words didn’t leave his mouth. _I would die right there with you. It would be the death of me_.

“But you didn’t,” Kara said hopefully, stroking Mon-El’s hair. “I’m alive. I’m here. And… Do you remember what I told you just before you came back?” Mon-El frowned, searching his mind to find what she was talking about. It took him a couple of minutes to pull out the memory, and then he froze.

No. No, that couldn’t be true. He must’ve heard what she said wrong. He was… He wasn’t in the right place of mind. Maybe her real words got lost in the haze and…

 _I love you, Mon-El. I forgive you_.

Could she really have forgiven him for what he’d done, even as he was _killing her?_

“You said… You said you loved me. That you forgave me.” He shook his head slowly. “Kara, you can’t possibly think—“

“What you did was forgivable?” Kara finished his sentence, her hands dropping on his shoulders. “Maybe it’s not. But that’s just one side of the story. Mon-El, I know you weren’t the one doing those actions, I know you’d never hurt anyone deliberately, let alone _me_. Whatever they did to you in Cadmus, whatever Max did, it was what made you do that stuff. You are the victim, not the criminal.” She took a shaky breath, anger flickering in her eyes. “If you’re looking for someone to blame, blame them. They turned you into that thing, they’re the one at fault.” There was such bitterness in her voice, such bite that Mon-El had never heard from her, that he couldn’t help flinching. It took him a couple of moments to place the emotion behind her words. _Hate_. Kara _hated_ them.

And it wouldn’t have been such a big deal…if she had been right. But it was far from it. He shook his head, opening his palms.

“I should’ve been able to fight,” he objected, his shoulders slumping. “I should’ve… I should’ve stopped them before they poisoned me, or-or after that. I should’ve fought the poison, I should’ve… I should’ve been able to stop myself.”

“Mon-El, as you said, you were poisone—“

“That’s not an excuse!” he wailed, shaking his head. “That’s not— No matter what they did to me, I should’ve been able to fight it, I should never have… I should never have hurt you. I can’t… I can’t lose you, Kara. There’s no version of my life that doesn’t have you in it. And I almost…” Emotion clogged his throat as he shut his eyes, trying to keep the tears away. “What if you died because of me? I wouldn’t survive it. It would kill me—“

“Mon-El,” Kara cut his words, her hands grabbing his shoulders and pulling him close. “I’m here, okay? I’m here, and I’m not leaving.” She rested her chin on his shoulder.

It took Mon-El a few seconds to return his hug. His shaky arms wrapped around her waist slowly at first, and then he tightened his grip desperately as he tried to close the distance between them as much as possible. He buried his face to the crook of her neck, breathing her scent in, reminding himself that she was here, she was with him, but most importantly she was alive and he hadn’t hurt her permanently. His fingers curled on her back, the fabric of her cape balling in his fists.

“I wasn’t lying,” Kara continued, “when I said I forgave you and loved you. I love you, Mon-El. And I know this…situation seems impossible to forget or move on from right now, but you won’t be alone in this. I’ll be with you in every turn, and we’ll get through this. Together.” She stroked Mon-El’s hair as he shuddered in her arms, savoring her warmth and security, even though he knew he didn’t deserve it. He let everything go for one second and just let her comfort him, let her be by his side, because Rao knew how much he needed this. Needed _her_ , not even someone, to be there for him.

She pulled back after Mon-El didn’t know how long, taking his face in her hands again and smiling. “Now let’s go home, okay?” she suggested with a soft voice, pushing back his damp hair from his face. Mon-El gulped and nodded, letting her take him in his arms so that she could fly them back. Normally he opted for running—he could run almost as fast as she flew—but they both must’ve known the last thing he needed was to be left alone right now, even if Kara was just a few feet above him.

“Kara?” he whispered before the Kryptonian took flight. She turned to him curiously. “I love you, too. You know that, right?” Questions in Kara’s eyes melted into happiness with those words. She squeezed Mon-El’s hand in hers. He didn’t even know when he got ahold of it, but he didn’t want to let go.

“Of course I do.”


	16. everything works out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!!!
> 
> Sooooooooo..... This is officially the last chapter of the story. I really can't believe the ending came so fast, mostly because I thought this was gonna be all of my other unfinished fanfictions and it would take me a year or so to finish the whole week. But it was only about 4 months and I'm so proud I'm publishing the last chapter now! And I just wanted to say to all of my readers who sent kudos and comments to my story, who supported me every week and motivated me to wrote more, that you're the reason I didn't let this story go and you're the reason I managed to write this much every week and publish a chapter. I am so damn grateful and lucky that I have readers like you, so supportive and nice and joyful, and I can't say this enough but thank you, thank you, THANK YOU. I love each and every single one of you.
> 
> On that note, this of course isn't the last last chapter of the story. I'm planning on writing a second part. I don't know when I'll start posting it, but I already have a couple of ideas about it, so it shouldn't take long.
> 
> Soooo thank you again, and I hope you enjoy this! See you in the next part :)))))))))

Kara didn’t know for how long she’d been sitting on the bed next to Mon-El, watching him sleep. It could’ve been an hour, or maybe even more, yet she didn’t have it in her to stand up and leave, even if… Even if Mon-El was fast asleep. Seeing how he’d been like when he was back, being separated from him for a week… It had been hard, and she didn’t want to be away from him, ever, even if it was no more than a few feet and a wall.

After Mon-El’s little… _breakdown_ on the mountains, she’d flown him straight to her house, thinking being in the DEO might not be the best thing for him. She’d only went to DEO to grab her keys and phone since she hadn’t left any windows open the last time she was there. Fortunately, no one was around to see Supergirl enter Kara’s apartment.

And through all that Mon-El hadn’t let her hand go. Not that she minded, but it still broke her heart to see him desperately clinging to her, like he was afraid she’d slip away from him.

“Here we are,” Kara had whispered as they entered her apartment hand in hand. Mon-El, of course, immediately noticed something was up the moment he saw two dirty coffee cups and two empty cartoons of caramel ice cream on the counter, left from the last night they’d spent together: Kara had made Mon-El watch one of her favorite musicals as they ate ice cream, cuddling on the couch under her red blanket. The said blanket was still sprawled on the couch, where Kara had left it. The pillows that normally rested on her couch were on the floor, though, since she’d thrown all but one to snuggle up to Mon-El’s chest.

He must’ve figured it out: The apartment was just like how they’d left it before he was captured. She’d bitten her lip, her eyes trained on the floor as she’d tried to explain. “I couldn’t come here after what happened to you,” she’d confessed, her voice husky with the knot in her throat. “I stayed at Alex’s.” She hadn’t known how Mon-El would react to that, and a part of her had known there was nothing to be ashamed of for her reaction to kidnapping, yet still a blush had crept up her cheeks. But Mon-El had just looked at her with…with such _understanding_ in his eyes that those feelings of weakness and guilt had subsided quickly. There hadn’t been one ounce of pity or judgment on his face; he’d just nodded at her without saying anything.

They hadn’t spent much time in the living room before they went to Kara’s bedroom. It wasn’t even dark, the sun was just setting, yet… Yet it was obvious from Mon-El’s posture that he was extremely tired. And if there was one person on earth at that moment that deserved rest, it was him.

That was how they’d lied down on the bed, facing each other, Mon-El’s eyes traveling on Kara’s face as if he was trying to burn her to his memory. They’d stayed silent for a couple of minutes, their hands locked together between them, before Mon-El spoke.

“Kara, I didn’t mean…” He cleared his throat. “I didn’t mean anything that I told you. I don’t… I don’t hate you, and—“

“Shh,” Kara had shut him up by pressing a finger on his lips. “It’s okay, Mon-El. I though we’d made it clear that you weren’t the one that said those things.”

“Yeah, I know,” Mon-El said with a nod, though from the way he turned his eyes away it was obvious he didn’t really believe that. Kara opened her mouth to tell him yet again that he couldn’t have helped it, but stopped and let him continue. “I just… I just wanted to make sure. Because you’re so special, Kara, and… And you deserved much better than what I did to you.”

“Again,” Kara started, scooting closer to him “I thought we’d made it clear that you weren’t the one that said those things.” It brought a smile on Mon-El’s lips, however small, filling Kara’s chest with a hope bubble. She also couldn’t help feeling proud that even in a situation as messed up as this, she’d managed to make him _smile_. She reached forward, cupping his cheek and lightly stroking his hair.

It hit her only then, seeing him lying there in front of her, staring at her intently with his gray eyes. He was back. He was truly back, without the red kryptonite, without Cadmus, without… Without anything that had been haunting Kara for so long. This was him, _her_ Mon-El by her side. She didn’t have to miss him anymore. She didn’t have to be separated from him or lock him up in a cell. She knew things wouldn’t immediately go back to the way it used to be, but at the end they were together again. And oh, how she’d missed that. How she’d missed being able to touch him, to hug him, to rest her head on his shoulder and forget about the day’s problems.

Tears filled her eyes as she moved her hand to the nape of his neck. “I missed you, Mon-El,” she whispered, staring at his lips. “This last week… It was _horrible_. It felt like… It felt like there was this huge hole in my life where you used to be, and I didn’t know how to fill it up and move on, or even ignore it. I’d gotten so used to having you around every day, or at least knowing that I could talk to you or see you whenever I wanted that… I didn’t know what to do when that was suddenly taken from me.” She lifted her eyes to his, pressing her lips together.

“You would’ve survived,” Mon-El said confidently, the hard lines of his face melting into soft compassion as he pushed a strand of Kara’s hair away from her face. “You’re the strongest person I know. You would’ve gotten through it.”

“Maybe,” Kara whispered. “Maybe I’d have survived, but I wouldn’t have lived, not truly. I just… You’re a part of my life now. Losing you would be like…like losing a part of myself. I may live through it, but I can never be the person I used to be.” She felt herself completely exposed after her confession, only staring at Mon-El’s t-shirt. She knew the truth behind those words. She knew how much she loved Mon-El, but it was more than that. She couldn’t imagine a life where she didn’t see Mon-El every single day, where she couldn’t talk to him or hug him or kiss him, or just generally be with him no matter what they were doing. Once you’d gotten used to someone’s presence like that, losing them meant losing the part of your life you had with him as well. It was somehow worse than the actual loss of that person, since there suddenly would be this… _hollowness_ in your life where they used to be. Hollowness you knew you could never fill, not completely, as the person you loved was gone forever and there was nothing that could bring them back, or replace the place they used to occupy. It was _destructive_.

She shut her eyes and shook her head. “You weren’t the only one that wasn’t yourself. I wasn’t myself either. I’ve done… I’ve done horrible things. Ruthless things.”

“Kara…” Mon-El whispered softly, his hand moving up to hold Kara’s face. He dug his fingers into her golden curls.

“I didn’t care,” she admitted and opened her eyes. “I just didn’t care about…about what I did as long as it got me closer to finding you. I hurt people. I hurt my friends. I…”

“I’m sure they aren’t blaming you,” Mon-El interjected, shaking his head. His brows were furrowed. “It’s understandable why you might’ve been a little out of it.” His thumb swept from his cheek soothingly, his honest eyes showing he believed every word he’d said. Kara scoffed.

“You don’t blame me for something I’d done _all by myself_ , but blame yourself for something you had no control over?” she asked, lifting her brow. An amused smile was playing on her lips as Mon-El shot her a glare.

“That’s…” he objected, struggling with words. “That’s different. That’s _very_ different.” His voice trailed off at the end as he turned his eyes away, his shoulders slumping with defeat. When he looked back at Kara, his face reflected the smile Kara had on her face. And this time… This time the smile actually reached his eyes. “Okay, you may be right. _Maybe_.” He leaned forward to put a little kiss on Kara’s lips and rested his forehead against hers. His fingers curled in her hair, holding her close like he didn’t want to be away from her even for one second. Kara felt her breath catch at first as she felt his breath against her lips, yet the stuttering of her heart calmed down steadily as she let herself relax in his arms, reminding herself over and over again that he was here and with her. There was a time that her heart pounded and blood rushed all around her body whenever Mon-El touched her, but now those touches comforted her. She felt relaxed, calm… _home_. She felt the comfort of familiarity and belonging in his arms.

“I have an idea,” she breathed maybe a minute later, pulling back. Mon-El lifted his brow. “How about we stop apologizing for the things we can’t change, or had no control over, and just focus on the fact that we’re here right now, and we’re together?” The corners of Mon-El’s lips tipped up with her proposal.

“I like that,” he whispered, stroking Kara’s hair.

After that they barely talked; instead, they just lied down, holding each other until Kara heart Mon-El’s breath steady and the arms that held her relax. At that moment, the last thing she wanted was to get out of his arms and leave, but she knew she had to at least let Alex know they were fine. Her sister had been very anxious about them when she showed up in DEO. Well, not that she could really blame her; Mon-El looked like he just came out of a fight with some muddy alien. Well, he _did_ kind of punch a rock repeatedly, but it wasn’t just that. His hands were dirty, his t-shirt was drenched with sweat as if he’d actually jumped into a pool with it, and his cheeks were sunken with large circles under his eyes. So she knew she had to call Alex sooner rather than later, preferably before she barged in through the front door and demanded what was going on.

Kara just… Well, she hadn’t expected it would be so hard to tear himself away from Mon-El and go to the living room. So she was sitting there and watching his peaceful, sleeping face. At least like this, all his agony and guilt and shame were gone. He looked worriless. Carefree. More like… More like the Mon-El Kara was familiar with. He used to never be burdened by a weight on his shoulders; it just wasn’t him to worry about things. Not because he didn’t care, but…but he rarely let anything get to him and bring him down. He always tried to be happy, so much so that after some time it’d also rubbed off of Kara. She felt lighter and lighter day by day, until she couldn’t feel anything weighing her down anymore. She didn’t know if it was because Mon-El had taken some of that original weight from her shoulders, or she just realized she didn’t need to be burdened by so many things, but it didn’t really matter, she was happy either way.

She hadn’t felt that weightless since Mon-El was gone, and she wanted that feeling back so badly. She hoped, with everything she had, that both of them could find their back to that happiness together.

Reaching forward, Kara pushed Mon-El’s hair back from his forehead and pressed a small kiss there. “We’re gonna be okay,” she whispered, though she wasn’t sure if she was saying it to him or to herself. “I love you.” With that, she finally managed to tear herself fro the bed and went into the living room to get her cellphone. And there it was: A message and a missed call from Alex. She first opened the message, slowly walking to the door of her and Mon-El’s bedroom.

_Just wanted 2 make sure u were ok. Call me when you can. XOXO._

Sighing, Kara pressed on her sister’s name and brought the phone to her ear, turning her eyes to Mon-El’s sleeping figure on the bed. Even the sight of him calmed her down, reminding her that he was really here, that they were together.

Alex answered on the first ring. “Kara, thank God,” she said immediately, bringing a small smile on Kara’s face. “I was _this close_ to coming to your apartment and barging into your house.” The Kryptonian chuckled quietly.

“You don’t have to come, Alex,” she said softly, leaning on the wall next to her. “It’s okay. I’m okay.” She knew it was a lie, but if that was what it would take for Alex to go home and relax, then she’d say it. Alex deserved rest maybe more than anyone now; she’d been worrying about both Kara and Mon-El for the whole week. She didn’t get much sleep.

“Are you sure?” Alex asked, her voice wary and suspicious. She didn’t seem like she believed Kara about being okay part. Kara took a deep breath before answering, massaging her temples.

“No. But… But I’ll be okay,” she said as convincingly as she could muster. Her eyes flew open and turned to Mon-El again. “I don’t feel alone anymore. There isn’t… There isn’t this huge hole in my life.” _Now I have Mon-El with me_.

“Yeah, I know how that feels,” Alex whispered before changing the subject. “How is Mon-El, by the way? He looked like he’d rolled in mud when you guys stopped by.” Kara ducked her chin with a nod, a sad smile playing on her lips.

“Well, he’s…better. He’s sleeping now.” She shook her head. “I don’t think he’ll be okay right away, but he’ll get there. He’s been through a lot.” Swallowing hard, she tried to get rid of the knot in her throat. “We’ve all been through a lot.”

“He’ll get through this, Kara,” Alex assured her. “He’s strong underneath his soft, bubbly personality. Besides, he loves you too much to let anything ruin your relationship, even himself.”

“Yeah, I know,” she surmised, wishing with all her heart for that to be true. “We’ll survive this. We always do.”

“You two aliens can get through everything together.” Kara chuckled and nodded, leaning her head against the wall. _Together_. Yes, they were together. All the desperation and helplessness Kara felt subsided with that thought as she shut her eyes and took a deep breath. _As long as we’re together_. “I do have to go, though. Maggie is waiting for me at home. I might’ve mentioned that we’d gotten Mon-El back today, and she and her curiosity have been nagging me with messages ever since.” The corners of Kara’s lips tipped up as she smiled.

“Go be with your girlfriend, Alex. You deserve it.” She sighed. “In fact, we all deserve like a full day off from life where we can just sleep and maybe have a doughnut or…ten.” Excitement bubbled in her chest. “Oh, and maybe we can do a game night some time. Since, you know, now that we’re all together. Or maybe a movie night where we can just forget about everything that happened in the last week?” She could feel Alex’s smile through the phone.

“Yeah, I like that. I’ll talk to Maggie.”

“Great!” Kara beamed. “We can let the others know tomorrow and talk about the details.” Nodding she pressed her lips together, looking back at Mon-El. “Rao knows how much I need it.” Her smile slowly slipped off her face as heaviness settled on her again, yet it wasn’t as crushing as before. It was already getting better.

She and Alex stayed silent for a second before her sister broke the silence. “Kara, you know everything will work out, right? One way or another, we’ll all be okay.” Kara blinked away the tears from her eyes and nodded.

“I know, I know.” She took a deep breath. “Thank you, Alex. For everything you’ve done.” She could almost see Alex shrug.

“What are sisters for?”

With that, the sisters said good night to each other before hanging up. Kara had initially wanted to get something to eat or drink, but when she stared back into her room she just couldn’t do it. Instead, she took off her clothes from the day, grabbed one of Mon-El’s t-shirts to wear, and slowly lifted the blanket from the bed to snuggle inside. She wrapped the blanket around hers and Mon-El’s shoulders, putting one hand on Mon-El’s that was resting on his pillow. She laced her fingers through his.

And at that moment, she truly believed it. Everything would work out.

* * *

**_3 weeks later_ **

Supergirl landed on the street from the sky in a flurry of red and blue, right in front of the jewelry store. Her cape caught the wind and rippled on her back as she pushed her hair back and grimaced. “I can’t believe there’s yet _another_ armed robbery,” she huffed, focusing her heat vision to the door. “Aren’t people, I don’t know, _bored_ of that?” She heard a chuckle coming from her earpiece as the door blew inside.

“People like their jewelry, Supergirl,” Mon-El joked, his smile audible in his voice. “Who can blame them?” A smile tugged at Kara’s lips. She tried to suppress it as she walked inside to alarms ringing in the store.

“I’m not gonna disagree with that, but still,” she sighed before looking around the store, taking the scene in: several counters were shattered with a couple of jewelry scattered around, but most of them were gone. Not that it really mattered to her; her focus was on the two men standing in front of the cashier, pointing a gun at the woman fumbling with money in her hands with shaky fingers. Everyone’s eyes turned to her as she entered. She flashed them a grin.

“Hey guys. Sorry to interrupt, but I’m gonna need you to drop that duffle bag and leave.” She shrugged. “You know, if you don’t want me to punch you in the face.” She didn’t really expect the robbers to listen as the one with the gun pointed it to her and pulled the trigger. Two bullets bounced off her chest, making the woman screamed. Kara looked at her chest and lifted her brows before shaking her head. “Punching in the face it is, then.” Without wasting time, she rushed to the robber, grabbing the gun in his hand and twisting his arm. With a groan the man had to drop the gun and held his arm as Kara pushed him to the ground. She crushed the gun in her hand. The man was knocked out cold as she stood up.

She didn’t let her guard drop as she spun around to face the other robber, but he had grabbed the duffle bag and was running out of the backdoor of the store. _So much for partnership_ , she couldn’t help thinking as she touched her comms.

“Superboy, one of the robbers escaped. He’s leaving from the backdoor,” she let Mon-El know as she walked through the broken glass to the cashier, who was sitting down with her arms around her legs behind the counter.

“I’m on it,” Mon-El said and Kara heard his cape swish around through the comms. “Is everything okay in there?”

“Yep. I’m gonna get the cashier out. The other robber is knocked out.” She tentatively walked behind the counter, putting a smile on her face.

“That’s my girl,” Mon-El said through the comms with a grin in his voice. Kara’s smile wasn’t even faked as she sighed internally and knelt down. The woman’s hands were covering her face.

“Hey,” she whispered softly, reaching for the woman. Her hand hovered a couple of inches away from her, afraid to scare her even more. “Hey, you’re safe now. I’m here,” she tried to ease the woman’s worry. The woman dropped her hands from her face slowly, enough for Kara to see her name tag. _Lucette_. “Lucette? Is that your name?” The woman—Lucette—blinked several times, pushing her blond hair off her face, before she processed who was in front of her.

“Supergirl?” she croaked out. Kara nodded as she reached for the woman’s hand, holding it tightly for human standards.

“Yeah, it’s me. You’re safe now. It’s gonna be okay.” Dropping her chin, she talked to the comms. “Alex, we might need an ambulance over here.” Her sister answered almost immediately.

“Already called; they’ll be there in a minute.” Kara nodded as an answer before returning to the woman.

“Let’s get out of here and get you checked out, okay?” Standing up, she pulled Lucette with her, who was standing on shaky knees. The woman wrapped an arm around herself.

They walked out with Kara’s arm around the woman’s shoulder to the ambulance approaching to the scene. Kara also saw three police cars following behind. She quickly handed Lucette over to the two nurses approaching with stretcher after squeezing her hand one last time and smiling at her. Two police officers started cordoning off the scene.

She heard Mon-El approach the place before she saw him. In a second he landed right next to Kara, a duffle bag hanging from one arm, and the other… Well, the other wrapped around the robber, who had a black ski mask shoved into his mouth and hands bound with a rope behind him.

“Got him,” he announced with a grin adorning his face. Kara nodded.

“I see,” she said as she got closer to him, looking at the robber with narrowed eyes. “Is that a ski mask?” The Daxamite shrugged nonchalantly.

“I had to get creative.” A laugh escaped Kara’s lips as she shook her head, looking up at the man in front of him. His eyes were shining with joy as he looked at him, and that radiance somehow never left as they handed over the robbers and helped as much as they could to tidy the store. Every time she caught his eyes Kara found herself smiling, and he always returned her smile with a smile of his, as if saying… As if saying that he was with him. She knew she could handle a robbery on her own pretty easily, yet having him there… It reminded her she didn’t have to be alone at this superheroing business anymore. As much as she liked being Supergirl, it sometimes felt lonely when she barged into a robbery or a fire all by herself, having no one to lean on close by except her sister and J’onn on her comms. But now, knowing someone was a couple of feet away from her, helping out as much as he can… It felt much better than she could’ve imagined.

But that wasn’t the only thing she was thinking as she looked at Mon-El. The last three weeks, right after Mon-El was saved from the effects of Cadmus, had been hard on both of them. He was trying, Kara knew; trying to be happy, to be normal, to smile and laugh and joke like he used to do. Mostly he succeeded, at least better than Kara imagined. Yet several nights he’d woken from nightmares, and they’d stayed up cuddling until he calmed down and stopped shaking. It wasn’t just that either. Sometimes Kara would catch him get lost in his thoughts, his eyes glassy and pained as he stared off to a distance, as if he wasn’t in the room anymore but inside a memory. Those moments passed quickly but they were there. He also smiled a little less, laughed a bit quieter, and acted a bit more warily. Those were reminders to Kara that no, things weren’t exactly normal, and there was this week of memories looming over them and threatening to shatter what they had.

Yet as she looked at Mon-El lift a counter and put it down to its place, she couldn’t help feeling like… Like this was how it was supposed to be. Like they were normal. They’d just stopped an armed robbery and saved a cashier together, and now they were helping fixing the damage. This was what she’d imagined when she thought about her and Mon-El being a superhero team, and now, seeing it actually happen… It filled Kara’s heart with such a bubble happiness that she was afraid it would burst.

Kara slipped away from her thoughts as they finished cleaning up, Mon-El approaching her. “I think that was last of the counters,” he said, nudging Kara with his elbow.

“Yeah,” she nodded, a smile playing on her lips as she leaned on Mon-El. The Daxamite wrapped an arm around her shoulders. Kara reached up and planted a short kiss on his lips before she pulled back. “Now how about we go home before our friends kill us for being late to the movie night?” Mon-El nodded as they stepped out of the store.

“Yes,” he agreed, “yes, let’s do that, because I’m also planning on making chocolate chip cookies and it would be a real shame if I mess them up because I have to hurry.” Kara lifted her brows as she glanced over her shoulder at Mon-El.

“When have you learned how to bake chocolate chip cookies?” she asked as she opened her arms so that Mon-El could hold onto her. When they went to stop a crime, they usually came separately with Mon-El running and Kara flying—since Winn still hadn’t figured out a way to have Mon-El fly—but when they were flying back Kara carried Mon-El more often than not. After reading a bunch of fairy tales, Mon-El had joked once that she was his prince charming and he was her damsel in distress. It still made Kara smile.

“Oh, I found this thing called a cookbook,” Mon-El started as Kara jumped into air. “Turns out it has a lot more useful information than YouTube.” He smiled up at her with a squeeze on her shoulder. Kara found herself chuckle as she landed on her balcony.

“It took you _way_ too long to figure that one out.” She didn’t see Mon-El watching her enter the house with a smile on his face, but she still felt it in her heart.

Mon-El went to the kitchen to prepare those chocolate chip cookies while Kara took a shower. She had dried her hair and put on one of Mon-El’s blue plaid shirts—with its sleeves folded up to her elbows and its buttons left unbuttoned—on her over a white t-shirt with black leggings underneath by the time Mon-El was done with the cookies. He was taking them out of the oven as she entered the room, and the sweet smell of sugar and chocolate filled the air immediately.

“Mmm, that smells really good,” she said and walked up to him. He put the cookies on the counter, dusting off his apron, which had what looked like a layer of flour on it, and smiled.

“Well, I am just _that_ goo— _Hey!_ ” He grabbed Kara’s hand by the wrist as she reached for the cookies, trying to sneak one. “These are for the movie night. Besides, they aren’t even cooled down yet.” Kara shot Mon-El a glare, raising her brow and challenging him to stop her again.

“Do I look like I care?” she said with a low, threatening voice, biting back her laugh when she saw Mon-El’s face. He pressed his lips together and debated whether it would be a good idea to keep Kara from the sugary goodness that was cookies.

He’d made the right choice and removed his hand after a second or two. Kara smiled sweetly at him as she grabbed a cookie and stuffed it in her mouth. Mon-El was right, it was tongue-burningly hot—not that it could burn Kara’s tongue—but it made it all the better: Chocolate and sugar literally melted in her mouth as she moaned and turned around to face Mon-El.

“Thos os…” she started before swallowing her bite. “Awe-and-some.” She put her hand on his shoulder, looking at his smiling face. “I’m hiring you as my personal baker. You don’t have to work at the bar anymore. I can pay you for doing this every day.” Mon-El chuckled as he leaned forward, wrapping one arm around Kara and pulling her forward. Kara’s heart stuttered when she saw the passion shining in his eyes. He dipped his head and kissed her slowly, sucking her lower lip as Kara gasped. She leaned into the kiss, holding onto Mon-El with her empty hand, trying not to crush her cookie in the other one.

“Mmm, your lips taste like chocolate,” Mon-El whispered mid-kiss, smiling. Kara opened her eyes to look at him. “So sweet.” Laughing, Kara pulled back and shook her head.

“Did you just compliment yourself or me?” Mon-El nonchalantly shrugged, playing with the ends of Kara’s hair.

“Well…” His eyes then turned to her shirt and he frowned. “Is that my shirt?” This time, it was Kara’s turn to shrug, a mischievous grin playing on her face.

“Maybe,” she teased him. “Do you want me to take it off?” Mon-El scoffed and shook his head.

“Who said that? Did I say that? I never said that.” He leaned in and pressed his lips to her ear. “I want to be the one to take it off of you tonight.” Kara’s mouth dropped as her heartbeat quickened with the thought of what Mon-El said. She turned her eyes to the Daxamite and slapped him on the chest.

“Mon-El!”

“What? I’m just saying,” Mon-El objected, lifting his hands into air innocently. Kara rolled her eyes and shook her head, but before she could answer the doorbell rang. Both of their heads turned to the door. Kara quickly checked who it was with her X-ray vision, only to see it was the whole gang with James, Winn, Alex and Maggie. She smiled at Mon-El.

“Let me get that,” she told Mon-El before she put a little kiss on his cheek and—reluctantly—got out of his arms. The Daxamite nodded.

“Just don’t forget what I said about tonight!” he told herr as he turned to the cupboard, taking out the popcorn packages. With his words Kara whirled around to face him, trying to look at him with a scolding glare.

“Say that once again, and you’re not getting anything tonight,” she tried to threaten him, but the smile spreading on her face betrayed her. Mon-El seemed to notice that as well as he just shrugged her words off and went back to preparing snacks.

Kara opened the door, coming face to face with a grinning Alex holding a couple of DVDs in her hands. “Hey!” Kara greeted them, lifting her brows. “I didn’t know you were bringing the movies.”

“Well, I wasn’t going to,” Alex started as she stepped in, “but then Maggie saw my Star Wars DVD collection and mentioned she’d never seen the movies, and I thought what better way to introduce her to the whole universe than a movie night?” She turned to Mon-El, who had taken off his apron and hanging it, and smiled. “Hi, Mon-El.”

“Hey, everyone!” Mon-El said as he took his place next to Kara. He threw his arm around her shoulders. “You are just on time. We’d just taken the cookies out of the oven.” His eyes turned to the DVDs. “Hey, is that Star Wars? Winn has been grilling me to watch that.” He grabbed the DVDs from Alex’s hand, looking at them as he, Winn, Alex and Maggie walked to the living room.

“Because you have to watch them! It’s got aliens, and spaceships, and space, and good guys and bad guys and fights—“

“You just described our life, Winn,” Mon-El pointed out, making the IT specialist scoff and scowl at the Daxamite.

“It also has light sabers,” he objected. “We don’t have that.”

“Thankfully,” Alex added to the conversation. Kara found herself smiling looking at them, the little family she’s created for herself on Earth, at least until James took her out of her thoughts.

“Since when you can bake?” he asked as they walked to join the group. Kara glanced at the cookies, their taste—or was it Mon-El’s lips?—still lingering in her mouth. She chuckled and shook her head.

“Actually, it wasn’t me,” she said as she jumped on the couch right next to Mon-El, gathering up her legs under herself and leaning back. Mon-El put his arm right behind her on the couch. “It was Mon-El. Apparently he figured the cookie thing out.” The Daxamite’s eyes shone with excitement at that as he straightened up.

“I did. Kara said they were pretty good.” Alex lifted her brows from her place in front of the television—she was putting the DVD in—as if she didn’t believe what he said. Kara patted Mon-El on the shoulder as an encouragement.

“It really was, though.” Winn shook his head at her statement.

“I cannot believe you learned how to bake before you watched Star Wars. Like, Star Wars is an essential part of Earth culture. You just can’t _not_ know about it.” Mon-El opened his mouth to defend himself, but he didn’t really have to as Maggie leaned forward, clearing her throat. Winn turned to her, only to come face to face with her glare.

“What were you saying, Winn?” she asked, challenging Winn to repeat what he said. The IT specialist paled considerably as he gulped. Kara couldn’t help smiling at that, and she could see James was trying so hard not to laugh.

“What I was saying? I wasn’t saying anything. I mean, of course I was saying something, but it was meaningless, so…well… Um, Alex, when will the movie start?” Alex didn’t try as hard as James to hold back her laugh, and she was chuckling as she stood up.

“Right now,” she announced, sitting next to Maggie. The couple immediately snuggled up to each other, Maggie taking Alex’s hands in her. Kara felt her heart fill with joy for her sister; Alex deserved to be happy with someone that truly loved her, and she was glad her sister had found Maggie. She couldn’t ask for anything else.

“Great!” Mon-El said at the news of the movie starting. “Let me get our snacks.” He rubbed Kara’s shoulder and flashed her a smile before he stood up to go to the kitchen. Kara found herself smiling after him as well.

Her eyes caught Alex’s before she turned to the television. Her sister was smiling at her, happiness apparent in her eyes. With a nod of her head she winked in a way that said, _see, I told you everything would work out_. Kara smiled at her, feeling the truth of those words deep in her heart.

They started the movie when Mon-El returned with the snacks. Kara scooted closer to Mon-El, leaning her head on his shoulder as he wrapped an arm around her and pulled her close. She felt his lips touch her hair briefly, and even though her focus was on the movie the corners of her lips tipped up.

And at that moment, after everything they’d all been through, Kara Zor-El felt at home.


	17. Epilogue

Hank Henshaw was looking at the sky when he heard footsteps coming from behind him, two feet crushing rubble and glass pieces underneath. He didn’t need to look back to see who it was; there was only one person left in this godforsaken building after DEO swept it clean. He expected nothing less from the agents after the Daxamite escaped anyway.

He’d told Lillian it was a bad idea, right from the beginning. Not capturing the Daxamite to get to Supergirl part, but _playing_ with him like he was some sort of a lab rat. They were on literal alien territory here; they had no idea how the Daxamite would respond to any substance they injected him with. Besides, trusting Maxwell Lord to create a red-lead for him? That was where Lillian’s plan fell apart. You couldn’t mess with a man like that without him punching back, and punch back he did. He’d messed with the Daxamite’s head in such a way that he not only killed Lillian, but every single Cadmus employee he came across in his escape. And of course, Maxwell Lord escaped in all that mess as well.

Now, DEO has destroyed almost every Cadmus stronghold they could find from the files obtained from the building. Everything Lillian worked so hard to build, every attempt at freeing the world from aliens was gone because of a mistake. In infuriated Hank, so much so that he wanted to blast something with his heat vision. But he held himself back, because as hopeless as everything seemed, not everything was lost.

“So it’s all gone?” the man behind him asked, stepping next to him. “Cadmus is destroyed.” Hank sighed as he tucked his hands into his pockets, smiling at the flickering stars.

“Not yet,” he said cryptically, shaking his head. The man lifted his brows at the answer.

“DEO and Supergirl destroyed everything we had; every stronghold, every safe house, every bit of resource. How are we going to survive it?”

“They didn’t destroy everything. You think Lillian was so stupid to file every safe house?” He glanced at the man. “There’s still one place Lex had built before he was sent to prison. It’s not on any of the files, or any maps; I only know about it because Lillian told me. We’ll go there and rebuild everything, slowly but steadily.” The man truly seemed surprised as he blinked, not believing his ears for a moment. He opened his mouth to say something, but then he shook his head.

“Okay, that covers the secret hideout problem. But they also emptied our bank accounts, and they did a pretty damn good job about it. We’re literally penniless.” Hank smiled as he spotted what he was looking for at the sky. He took a deep breath.

“I wouldn’t say penniless.” The man’s confused face turned his smile into a smirk. “Let’s just say I found someone to fund the organization. Someone who’s looking for the same people as us.” He watched the small dot of light as it grew bigger and bigger, taking the figure of a spaceship. The man gasped when he saw it as well.

“Is that a spaceship?” Hank nodded smugly.

“Yes. And with the help of the people in it… There’s no way we can fail again.”


End file.
